🖤✨ How to Not Ship People: A PSA from Serena Stark ✨🖤
Alright, Tumblr, we need to talk. Specifically about the very weird habit some of you have of shipping me with literally everyone I’ve ever shared air with—and I mean everyone—from Stephen to Wong to TONY to Peter to Dani to Laurya (like, seriously??).
And no, this isn't a "How to Ship Serena Stark" guide (because apparently, everyone on here thinks they’re qualified to play matchmaker)
Understand the Basics of Platonic Relationships
Not every interaction means romance, folks. Sometimes, people can just...I don’t know...exist in the same room without being soulmates.
Stephen Strange? My best friend and highly respected mentor. Not my boyfriend. Not my soulmate. Last time I checked, calling someone “Old Man Wizard” every five minutes isn’t exactly romantic. I can’t even get through a conversation without him lecturing me on the multiverse and responsibility. Romance level: zero. Also, he calls me “kid,” so that’s basically “I’m your dad now” territory.
Tony Stark? That’s my dad, y’all. MY DAD. Did we skip basic human decency 101? This isn’t Game of Thrones. Sit down.
Wong? Look, I respect the guy. Love him even (in a totally platonic way). But the man is way too busy dealing with magical disasters to worry about me. Plus, I’m not about to ruin his zen vibe. We’re too busy exchanging takis, not vows.
Peter Parker? Do you people hear yourselves when you type? Peter can’t even win a staring contest with me—how would he handle dating me? As I said already, he's my too-kind-to-be-a-real-kid brother.
Daniella Romanoff? Practically my sister. (Though she could definitely crush me in a fight, I’m not even gonna lie.) She’s got enough trauma to handle, she doesn’t need me adding fuel to the shipping fire.
Laurya? I can practically hear you all— “Oh, they’re so close! It’s so obvious! Sisterly love... or, y’know, whatever!” NO. She is literally my sister in arms, not in love. If she were reading this right now, she’d be laughing so hard, she’d probably throw a shoe at me. So let’s not, okay?
Bruce Banner? Bruce Banner and me? Are you seriously trying to make that work? Listen, I’m all for the science nerds’ club (believe me, I’m practically a founding member), he’s in the “dad” zone with Tony and Stephen. I don’t need a third one of those.
What next? Are you going to ship me with Jeff, the land shark?!
Now that I’ve screamed into the void, here’s your 101 on how NOT to ship people (especially me):
Step 1: Don't Assume Every Glance = Love Story
Just because I looked at someone for more than 2 seconds doesn’t mean I’m secretly planning our wedding. I could be judging them. I could be plotting their demise. Or I could just be zoning out because I’m thinking about pasta. You don’t know.
Step 2: Don’t assume everything is subtext.
Just because I exchange sarcastic banter with someone doesn’t mean I want to kiss them. Sometimes, I’m just being me. (Which, let’s be honest, is fabulous enough without adding romance into the mix.)
You don’t marry everyone you talk to. Shocking, right? Sometimes, people just have good friendships. Not every bond needs a kiss at the end. I know, mind-blowing.
Step 3: Stop Projecting Your Ships Onto Others
I get it, shipping is fun. But hold your horses. Ask yourself:
Is this ship actually plausible, or am I just bored?
Have I considered how weird this might be for the people involved?
Would Serena personally come for me for this? (Hint: Yes.)
If you can’t explain it without sounding like a total creep, then just… don’t. My life isn’t your rom-com script, and I’m not auditioning for a Netflix special.
Step 4: Respect Boundaries
If I say “No,” it’s a no. If I roast the ship in public, it’s definitely a no. Stop trying to make me and Tony a thing. That’s therapy-inducing territory, and I already have enough on my plate.
Me and Stephen = Two sarcastic nerds saving the multiverse.
Me and Peter = Sibling energy with a side of web-based competition.
Me and Tony = Snark battles + family dinners.
Me and Laurya = Sisterhood, no strings attached.
Me and Dani = Chaos and platonic love, no ships allowed.
Me and Wong = Team Sorcery and food buddies. (he has a lot of takis in the Sanctum, if you'd be more responsible about your ship, I'd give you some)
Me and Bruce = Science buddies and, he’s already got enough on his plate with, y’know, the Hulk and being an honorary member of the “dad” squad.
Step 5: Focus On YOUR Ships
If you’re feeling the itch to ship someone, look in the mirror. Find your own love story. Or ship Jeff the Land Shark with world domination; he’s working on it anyway.
Step 6: Put that energy to better use.
Instead of shipping me with everyone I’ve ever breathed near, how about you create fanfic where I absolutely obliterate HYDRA agents in a beautifully dramatic showdown?
Stop it. Get some help. If you keep shipping me with random people, I’ll find you. And I’ll make you explain yourself to my face. Let’s stop pretending every time I make eye contact with someone, we’re about to enter a rom-com montage. Please, for the love of all things sarcastic and logical, stop.
