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@ofgods
#𝙾𝙵𝙶𝙾𝙳𝚂 : a dependent blog, currently housing the following muse(s) as understood by shelby ( thirty2, est, she/her ). please do not interact unless affiliated with 𝒃𝒐𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒔𝒉𝒒.
📚 𝖺𝗎𝗋𝖾𝖺 𝗌𝗈𝗎𝗓𝖺 ⸻ twenty8. she/her. bronx. ⤳ psychological horror author + florist @ dahlia & daffodils.
𝐀𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐀 𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐙𝐀, a character study.
Karmen nodded as the other answered her questions. She could tell that Aurea's words were genuine by the look in her eyes and the sad smile that showed up on her face as she spoke. "I think that's a good place to start," she said softly. She knew that Marcus wanted her back in his life but she wondered if Aurea wanted it in the same way that he did. The way the other woman responded to Karmen's answer to her question made the model want to comfort her by saying something reassuring about her and Marcus but she felt like it wasn't her place. Aurea had her own friends for that. She averted her gaze for a moment until the other woman spoke up again, nodding as she thanked her. At the offer to grab a coffee, Karmen glanced down at the time on her phone then shrugged. "I actually don't have anywhere to be for another hour and a half," she admitted. "So, yeah. Sure. Let's grab coffee or something."
IT'S UNNECESSARY, OF COURSE, THE CONFIRMATION that she was on the right track, but aurea would be lying if she said it didn't help make her feel better. even if only a little, which is significantly more than she's felt since her plane originally touched down back in the city. despite knowing marcus more than she knew herself, she isn't sure that statement is as true as it was once upon a time. another smile, one that carries an undertone of gratitude she can't bring herself to express in words, and she brightens when her offer is accepted. she steps closer, beginning to head in the direction of the starbucks located inside the mall. ❝ were you able to find what you came around for? ❞ not that it's any of her business, but is it really her fault she's nosy? ( spoiler: it is ). ❝ or were you just killin' time? ❞
A nervous energy that he hoped wasn't too noticeable buzzed around Marcus for the majority of the night. While he was eager to hear out her explanation after spending so much time in the dark, there was something nerve-racking about it as well. Thankfully he didn't have to sit with the feeling in silence for too long. A slight look of relief washed over his face as she broke the silence, only to be quickly replaced by a thoughtful expression as he considered her question. "Hmm," he took his time to look around, in a way that was so obvious he was a little worried a server was going to come over and ask him if he needed something, "maybe going around that way?" He motioned toward one direction, not completely confident in his answer or the reason behind the question. "It looks a little less crowded than the other ways, so there's less of a chance of people getting in the way and slowing you down." He paused for a beat before adding, "Did you want to go talk somewhere else?"
❝ NO, I'M FINE TALKING HERE. I was asking because i can't help but know that, to figure which is quickest depending on a variety of made up scenarios. ❞ she'll even rearrange herself so that she always has at least one available to her. a quirk he may have noticed during the early days of their relationship; asking a waiter to move them mid-meal, only sitting in the same seats inside a theater and requesting a different show time all together if they were taken, relocating them to a different part of the club or bar. she chuckles, though it lacks mirth, ❝ that habit was even worse emotionally―until i met you. ❞ the muscles in her shoulders begin to relax, albeit slowly. she still finds comfort in his presence, even if the subject matter of their conversation is an open wound they're both sporting. ❝ or so i thought. ❞ a brief pause, considering. ❝ wait, no, that doesn't sound right. what i mean is that i thought that was normal and that, maybe, it was just that i hadn't met the right person, ya know? because it only took a couple months for me to realise that i didn't worry about that stuff anymore. for once, i was safe and exactly where i wanted to be so long as i was with you. ❞
gaze shifts, now looking at the man who still holds her heart in the palm of his hands. ❝ and while that's still true, it's just... when i was in that room on my own waiting for the big moment... ❞ audi's words trail off with a heavy sigh. while she's been open about her past and the relationships she's shared with all of her parents, she didn't mention her birth mother often. something she struggles with even now, fearing it'll only sound like an excuse, so she decides on sharing only a synopsis. ❝ my head got so loud so quickly and i couldn't seem to be convinced that you choosing me, especially to spend the rest of your life with, wasn't a huge mistake, one that you'd wake up shortly thereafter and realise. ❞ her voice softens like a child's when they learn they're in the wrong, ❝ so... i ran first and i am so, so, sorry. i'm sorry i hurt you, i'm sorry i took away your decision, i'm sorry i didn't believe in us, i'm sorry i didn't just come to you. i'm sorry for all of it. ❞ she has more to say, of course, but she keeps the rest of her feelings to herself. it doesn't feel right sharing them just yet.
vismaya * open to all * central park, early evening
"No, no no! Not on the sidewalk!" Vismaya groans in dismay, sheepishly hiding her face as her black, 9 pound mini-poodle goes to the bathroom in the middle of a busy walkway. The shame, she can handle, but after a 10 hour work day of nonstop client breakdowns, she cannot handle a classic central park freakout from a high-pitched older woman in a Chanel suit. "Well, thanks Ladoo," Vismaya mumbles to her tiny dog, who looks up at her with nothing but enthusiastic love in her eyes. Sighing, Vismaya steps to the side, and looks up just in time to stop someone from stepping right in her dog's sidewalk gift. She puts her arm out, gently catching the other at shoulder-height. "Sorry! So sorry, my dog... went on the sidewalk, and I didn't want you to step in it. Did I hurt you?"
A SLIGHT JUMP WHEN CONTACT IS made at her shoulder before she comes to a halt. her head cocks in confusion, eyes quickly dropping to the other's moving mouth. with the audiobook playing in her ear, it's difficult to follow along at first. at least, until she remembers she's wearing her earbud. aurea steps away, giving the pair space as she pauses the voice and removes the device before offering a response she hopes makes sense. ❝ s'all good. ❞ the small dog catches her attention and, finally, the context clues align bringing her up to speed. oooooh, she nods in understanding. ❝ yeah, cool, thanks for lookin' out! i just bought these babes, ❞ she gestures to her customised all black converse ( high tops, of course ) and chuckles, ❝ i might've cried if i ruined them already... or maybe not. how could anyone get upset when such an adorable pup is the culprit? ❞
Karmen watched Aurea carefully, trying to study her reaction to what she had said. For a second there, she showed something over than the polite smile she had plastered on her face. It was brief but Karmen noticed it. She nodded along with the other woman when she said she was alive and here now. "Make things right?" she questioned. "How do you plan to do that?" She immediately regretted asking the question as soon as she heard the words come from her mouth. She didn't mean it in a mean way... she was genuinely curious because she was protective of Marcus. Aurea broke his heart when she left. Karmen knows that he still has very big feelings for her and has even encouraged him to reach out and talk to Aurea... but now, standing in front of her, she wanted to be sure that she did the right thing by telling him to give the other woman another chance. "Marcus?" she paused, trying to figure out what she wanted to say. "He's been good, you know? Maybe not the best he could be though... Honestly, he's still trying to figure things out after you left."
A PAUSE, EYE CONTACT HELD AS she thinks of how to answer karmen's inquiry. she fights the urge to fidget, to rub her hands against the jean material covering her thighs. ❝ well, ❞ she begins, eventually deciding it best not to lie, ❝ that'll be up to him. ❞ she doesn't know how else to explain it. a sad smile is flashed, ❝ all i know is that i intend to properly earn a place back in his life. wherever and whenever that may be, y'know? if that's something he decides he wants, of course. ❞ she has her own hopes as to how things will play out between her and marcus, but she's also come to terms with the fact that their desires may not line up as beautifully as they once did. aurea finally looks away when her own question is answered, attention shifted back to the scuffed combat boots on her feet. she still doesn't like the position she's put the other in nor does she like hearing the confirmation that she's caused him any pain. ❝ oh. ❞ her response is spoken just above a whisper. what else can she say? even if she wanted one, she doesn't have a rewind button; there are no take backs. she clears her throat, looks back to karmen, ❝ thanks for telling me. ❞ and for being there, she wants to add... except it feels rude, so she doesn't. ❝ okay, that's enough puttin' you in the middle now. if you're not busy, do you, uh, wanna grab a coffee or something? i promise i won't make it awkward. ❞ not on purpose, anyway.
status: closed, ft. dom. ( @dcmwells ) location: antiques, queens. when: clearance day, late morning.
AS A COLLECTOR OF CREEPY LOOKING knick-knacks, she refuses to miss out on the opportunity to explore the antique shop on a day where she can potentially find them on sale. of course, this means she'll have less of an argument when it comes to convincing herself not to purchase something, which is exactly why she's brought back up―okay, not exactly. truthfully, she wants to spend time with dom. maybe even pick his brain about a train of thought she's been entertaining herself with since it first came to her. ❝ so, ❞ she starts, eyeing a small skull made of bloodstone, rolling it around in her hands to see if it speaks to her, ❝ the olympics were a thing and they're cool as is, right? sure, but let's imagine the horror olympics and by that i mean just putting all the cult classics against each other. now, who you puttin' your money on and why? ❞ eyes flick towards the other as she finally places the crystal into her small basket and moves along. ❝ wait, maybe we should break 'em into teams and make it a you versus me thing? ❞ she knows she's straying from her original idea, but having the chance to remind him how wrong he always is? well, that's much more fun.
status: open @bhqextras
location: GLOW for Teddy and Jaymie's Birthday Extravaganza!
She's wearing a sparkly 70s-style jumpsuit and shiny gold boots, her hair in loose curls that felt like they took forever to do. she's got a crown on her head that makes it clear today is their day, her and her twins, and walking into the glowing pink and purple lights of GLOW she's could makes her feel alive. she kisses cheeks and wraps her arms around old, and new friends. she's handed a present and a shot and then a cocktail, and all of these things end with her doing a very enthusiastic rendition of sos during karaoke. when she steps off the stage, she heads for the bar, she orders a round of shots, and turns to the person next to her, holding up the tiny glass filled with red liquid "come on then, do a shot with me, it's my birthday, you have to!"
THOUGH SHE'S BEEN BACK IN THE city for a couple months now, roughly, showing up is still... strange, yet she's happy to do it. even if she does stick more to the sidelines. isn't it the thought that counts anyway? the fact that she's here in the first place? eyes glance around the fellow guests and she's curious: just how many people are here for the twins? to celebrate them rather than what being in t heir presence can offer? but maybe that's the whole point of this extravaganza. it's hard for her to tell. at the end of jaymie's performance, she focuses her attention back to the blonde and cheers in support, her smile only growing once they're finally beside each other. ❝ if you can convince the bartender to make me a virgin shot of something, i'd be happy to, but apparently that's like asking an accountant to help you commit tax fraud or something. ❞ drinking makes her uncomfortable; the older she gets, the more she comes to the harsh realisation that she's more like her mother than she had ever hoped to be and that's not a road audi will travel. her voice is light, a playful lilt to her next words directed more towards the bartender in question, ❝ is it really such a crime to wanna be included? ❞
status: closed, ft. cece. ( @ccrusso ) location: bronx zoo. when: late morning, early afternoon.
WHEN THE LIONS ARE FINALLY IN view, her smile grows as her pace quickens, carrying her to one of her favourites at the zoo. her phone is only out for a moment, a few snapshots to add to what seems to be an ever growing collection, before tucking the device into her back pocket and all is right in the world―well, it would be. if she can figure out what that noise is. a curious gaze darts around the others at the enclosure, quickly falling on the source: someone... crying? ❝ oh, ❞ she starts, taking a few steps to eat away at the distance between them, ❝ yeah. seeing them locked up makes me pretty sad too. ❞ not to the point of tears, of course, but then again audi isn't sure her tear ducts even work anymore. a tissue is pulled from her art the clown backpack, extended to the other in a poor attempt to comfort. ❝ but then... nevermind. maybe try thinkin' about unicorns, rainbows, and tasty red balloons instead? ❞ man, she's good at this.
status: closed, ft. marcus. ( @expirednostalgia ) location: an upscale greek steakhouse in queens. when: evening, after dinner.
TUCKED IN THE CORNER OF THE restaurant, nearly hidden away in a section the hostess referred to as their more intimate seating―their decision; she only wanted a table with less of a surrounding audience―her heart pounds. now that the dinner portion of the evening has concluded ( she didn't want to spoil their meal ), she knows it's time for her to finally explain herself... and she wants to, of course, but despite being so verbose, she finds herself at a loss for words. where should she start? how can she explain something she has such difficulty articulating? a sip from her water before nervous palms rub against the napkin still situated in her lap and, after a long stretch of silence, she finally speaks. ❝ between the three different ways to make it outside from where we're sitting, which of those do you think is quickest? ❞ she has a point, she swears. whether or not she can make her train of thought connect is a different story.
status: open starter location: bark park, manhattan
excited about the puppy olympics, quinn was equipped with her water bottle at hand, standing right outside the fence to admire all the cute puppies that are partaking in the puppy olympics. "you'd think i'd be more excited for the actual olympics, but here i am more interested in cute puppies doing their own right by my house, i'd take the puppy olympics over the real olympics any day. although i will say from what i have seen on tv for the real olympics, quite impressed, but again, more interested in these cute puppers." she smiled and chuckled while looking out at all the puppies running around while participating in the events they were enrolled in. @bhqextras
BEING SOMEONE THAT PREFERS ANIMALS TO people, it's not surprising to find her in the crowd of onlookers enjoying the cuteness that is the puppy olympics and it's making her contemplate adopting another friend... for her cat, of course. sure, she takes mae along everywhere she can, but what if she's lonely when audi needs to leave her at home? before she's able to fully convince herself to stop by the shelter in the near future, her attention is called elsewhere, listening to the comment from a nearby spectator. ❝ nah, i don't blame you. ❞ she agrees eventually. kudos to those participating in the actual olympics, but it's just not her style. the slasher olympics, however? a mental note is made to continue exploring that train of thought later. ❝ i'd much rather watch puppies any day of the week. don't think i'd be able to trust someone who felt otherwise. you found a favourite yet? ❞
just from taking one look at the other, noah could tell they were her kind of person. a tower of books in hand was the only proper way to leave a bookstore, regardless of whether or not one promised themselves they were only going to look. she laughs at the other's comment. "that must be a fantastic super power to have. i wish i was like that," she said. she reached out her arms, prepared to catch the teetering books in case they fell. "do you need help with those? a good haul is always hard to carry," she commented with a smile. "even better, its a fantasy romance. trust me, the politics are great and the whole thing ties up so well in the end. and the writing is just so atmospheric, it's gorgeous."
a look of confusion tints her visage, her movements pausing only but a second. ❝ if you wish it, why can't it be? ❞ it sounds simple because it is. wait. on second thought, maybe not? actually, nevermind. she reverts back to her original opinion, acknowledging that she actively makes the decision to be the kind of person she is because that's who she wishes to be. as usual, clem doesn't bother considering that she's different. that everyone is. she doesn't hesitate to accept the help when it's offered, handing over only the first few books from the top. carrying, and balancing, a stack of them is easier when she's able to see directly in front of her without needing to weave around a tower of them. ❝ oh, you're a lifesaver. thank you! ❞ she makes a mental note to repay the act of kindness as she heads towards the register, not wanting to burden the stranger. what if they're busy and she's holding them up? ❝ that sounds amazin', though! it's so nice findin' a book with writin' that makes the real world melt away, so i'm excited to read it. ❞ and you can never go wrong with a good fantasy as far as clem is concerned ( bonus points if they're of the sapphic variety ). ❝ what're you gettin'? ❞ because only a monster could walk into a bookstore and leave empty handed.
𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐀 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈𝐒 𝐀 person, not really used to hugs if not her boyfriend or his big ass family, is always taken by surprise when someone does it. She embraces her gingerly, because of the little bump in the middle of them, and a sheepish smile plastered on her delicate features. ❛ I'm just a little bored and tired. But neither of them is news. ❜ She says with a chuckle. ❛ What are you up to as of late? ❜
any surprise evident on neva's face is missed by her. she doesn't realise that not everyone has the same past or comfort level when it comes to things like physical touch and affection, not growing up the way she has. ❝ that's understandable. you're carryin' passengers now! ❞ they weren't her own, nor were they exactly family, but clem has already included herself on the list of those who were likely going to spoil the babies once they arrived. she can't wait! she laughs, ❝ heck, i can barely carry myself, so i feel for ya. ❞ she catches the bartender's attention, trading in her drink for some pineapple juice before shifting her attention back to her friend. ❝ ain't been up to much myself, though. all these summer events have been keepin' me all sorts'a busy. ❞ seriously. she's done so many beach and tropical inspired sets that she feels like she's been on vacation this whole time. ❝ are you due for a house call yourself sometime soon? you know all you gotta do is say the word and i'll come runnin', right? ❞ she always has time for friends.
for: @bhqextras ( open! ) location: rockaway beach
"You going to stand there blocking my sun all day or are you actually going to sit down?" The question came as Ana pulled her sunglasses down the bridge of her nose to observe the person standing right in front of her. There was a playful, cheeky smile on her features, head tilting to the side and brows lifting a moment. Giving herself the day off had been top of her agenda today, which meant she'd been heading straight for the beach, intent on spending every free second she had enjoying the sun, the atmosphere, and the people around her.
ARMS FOLD ACROSS HER CHEST AS she looks around the beach and replies, ❝ well, since you phrased it like that, i think i'm gonna choose the former just to be a bother. ❞ a flash of pink juts from between her lips playfully when she drops her gaze to the other, but it doesn't take long before she plops beside her friend, wearing a smile. ❝ here i am, using my free time to join you despite it being so... people-y here and yet you wanna nag at me. why does nobody appreciate it? ❞ pulling a bottle of sunscreen from her beach bag, she carefully works to reapply it to the exposed skin. when she's finally finished, she says, ❝ anyway. please tell me that dude finally got the hint and fucked off? ❞
open: @bhqextras where: just outside of central park, the middle of the night
Scoring from a dealer at three in the morning was shady, but it was the best time to avoid getting caught by her siblings or her bandmates. She didn't think any of them would be wandering around in the middle of the night like this, especially not when Central Park had technically closed two hours prior. Still, after her drugs were in her pocket, she was going to make the trek home. She was never nervous about being alone at night, to the point where she often had her airpods in and was looking down at her phone. Not the safest choice, but she didn't care. Rounding a corner as she left, she glanced up from her phone for just a moment and let out a sharp gasp, realizing she was face to face with someone else out at this time. "Jesus christ, you scared the shit out of me," she said, taking out one of her airpods for a moment.
a night out with friends nearly turned into a sleepover until she remembers the promise she made to water her neighbours plants while they're away. according to the strict instructions they left ( at her request ), there's no real need to return to her building considering she watered them before her shift earlier in the day, but clem would feel bad if she didn't tell them good night. they have feelings too, just like her collection of stuffed animals. there's a skip in her step as she rounds the corner bringing her closer to home when she nearly collides with another. she offers a similar gasp before it morphs into a fit of child-like laughter. ❝ you shoulda seen your face! ❞ she bends over with more giggles until finally taking a moment to catch her breath. ❝ sorry. i'm so sorry, i swear i didn't mean to scare you. ❞ she didn't think it were possible, anyway. isn't new york one of those cities that never sleeps? clem swears she's read that somewhere before, but her memory can't be trusted. with her amusement having finally subsided, she asks, ❝ you okay? ❞
status: closed, ft. julia. ( @drjuliarebeiro ) location: aurea's apartment in the bronx. when: late night.
SHE'S DEEP IN CONCENTRATION, EYES BOUNCING back and forth between her sheet of paper and julia as she completes the final touches. according to the card she pulled, they're to draw each other's portraits and, well, it's safe to say that audi did the world a favour by choosing to pursue writing as her art form. ❝ juls. my kind, loving, beautiful soul sister. let me preface this by saying i swear i didn't use this sleepover as an excuse to insult you. hell, i didn't mean to insult you at all, but... ❞ her words dissolve into a fit of laughter when she looks back to her drawing, ❝ blame my hands, okay! they only ever wanna do what they're told when i'm cooking and, truthfully, even that's a sometimes sorta deal. like, seriously. julienne cuts are easy, so why. why! do they refuse to do them? ...yeah, yeah, i know. let's just rip the bandaid off. ❞ she uses a hand to cover her face with another laugh before her other one offers her guest the artwork, a portrait that looks like it belongs in jason rekulak's hidden pictures as one of the five year old's horror drawings, face down. she peeks through her fingers with a sheepish grin, ❝ at least my colouring is pretty, right? ❞
—the only person she has ever gotten mad at for running away and disappearing is Isabelle. unlike Audi, what had went down prior to her fleeing New York like she was America’s most wanted, left everything in a cliff hanger —it was probably the one and only time, those first six months, she had felt bad for Ryan too, not just for herself. “I am so happy you are back, sweetheart! and most of all, that you are well, seem to be doing alright!” and she was certain she had said that she was happy to have her back before, but she wished she could say that to her too, someday. a bright smile forms on her lips and a pearl of laughter falls as she speaks of the horror cons she attended. “you and your horror,” Honey says, making a face. it is, after all, no lie that as much as she adores Audi, her genre of choice isn’t quite what the influencer likes to read when she grabs a book. She has tried, multiply times, to read her books and though she loved the writing style, the way she got the reader into the setting, the atmosphere, the scene —just no. not for her. “I would think Brooklyn would have fit you more, being all artsy and stuff,” she is only half teasing.
“I don’t have much going on, really,” she shrugged, “a lot of work; collaborations, deals, brands…my followers and views on all my platforms have sky-rocketed like crazy!” it had taken a lot of hard work from her, but it still felt like it had happened overnight. “I kinda all I do is work and go out with friends,” she laughed, fondly. not that she hated it, of course, on the contrary. “I travel quite a lot, you should tag along sometime!” she offered as she remembered she also has a flight to Europe the upcoming week. “have you been to Europe?” the brunette winked. “you can catch a flight with yours truly next week!”
AN ODD SENSE OF PRIDE WASHES over her at honey's confirmation that, despite the mess she caused and how it's made her feel from the moment it occurred, she's not giving any of those feelings away to others. on the outside, she looks fine; at least to those she hasn't let in. that's exactly what she wants. she laughs with her friend, her shoulder lifting smugly. ❝ what can i say? not my fault that's where all the fun's at, but i get where you're coming from. ❞ it's not often she comes across someone who enjoys it, especially to the extent that she does, so it no longer surprises her. she adds on jokingly, ❝ i love you, even despite your flaws. that's how you know what we've got is real. ❞ then shakes her head, ❝ but nah, i didn't wanna go back there. ya know... been there, done that and whatever. ❞ while that's true, having bounced around most of the boroughs throughout her years in the city, brooklyn seemed like a bad idea. to be surrounded by various art while being completely unable to produce your own? she already feels lower than dirt, why add even more to the list? no thanks.
though her eyes are focused on their trek―she hasn't been to this ice cream shop yet, so she needs to be careful not to miss it―she listens intently, soon offering excited claps at her friend's news. ❝ oh my gosh, i'm so proud of you! i know how much hard work goes into all that and i'm happy to hear you're getting the recognition you deserve. ❞ though she'll always argue it isn't enough because honey deserves more; deserves everything. audi tosses a smile to her friend at the invitation. travelling can be so stressful, especially when there are others to consider, so the gesture touches her more than she'll admit. she just can't say yes. ❝ i appreciate that, i do, but i just got back, ya know? and the sole reason i came back was because i wanted to make things right, ❞ she admits, ❝ it'd be wrong of me to take off again, even if we were only gone for a day or two. ❞ upon their arrival to their destination, the florist unravels their arms to hold open the door. ❝ rain check? just promise me you'll send me lots of photos and maybe bring me back a snack or two. oh, and travel safe, obviously. ❞
