cryokinesis ;

Wake up in sweat, full of REGRET, try to forget These memories, lurking beneath, LOST in a dream Unchosen paths, a BROKEN past, forespoken wrath The pain won't cease, I'll find NO PEACE, no sweet release --- canon divergent portrayal / mother of the todoroki children.

[ofhyouton]

𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓

inde / sel / priv / canon divergent rp for “todoroki rei”

est. 2017 / periodically revived

please i am Begging you to read my google doc (incomplete but important things are there)

supremely low activity blog / i’m only here if i have threads

newt / 21+ / est / neutral pronouns

𝟐𝟓 𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐥 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

[latuuart-deactivated20250207]

The Dynamic between Rei and Her Husband

The lack of sympathy towards Rei nowadays as an abused wife is concerning. We can't hold Rei accountable the same amount as her husband for what happened to their children. Remember, Rei was oppressed by her husband in that house.

Take a look when she "didn't do what her husband told her to do", she got thrown to the ground.

When she tried to "talk back to her husband", she got slapped.

Both of the events were done by the husband in front of their kids, showing just how little respect and consideration the husband had for his wife.

They were not on the same level of position in that house. Horikoshi didn't even need to show the whole thing but as adult readers, we should have already understood that there was an unbalanced power dynamic between her and her husband and that Rei was abused by her husband.

Rei didn't look like she was free to decide something on her own. She tried to tell her husband about Touya's problem; that he just wanted his father to pay attention to him.

Alas, her husband just brushed her off and told her to do what basically supposed to be their both responsibility (his husband's more so, as he was the source of Touya's problem), and then when her husband deemed her wasn't able to do her (his) job right, she was thrown to the floor. It wasn't a good dynamic in a marriage at all.

Moreover, her husband displayed such a violence and disrespect towards her shamelessly in front of their children. The husband wasn't hesitant to show his violence towards his wife in front of their children, he wasn't thinking how it would hurt their children's feeling seeing their mother hurted by their father, and he especially wasn't aware how it could affect their children's psychological development.

The situation in that house was very unhealthy and abusive. The power dynamic between Rei and her husband was so unfairly unbalanced.

It is also wrong in my opinion to accuse Rei of not being care about Touya's situation at all when she clearly cared and noticed about Touya's condition. She had tried to reason with him before and even before that she had tried to tell his father about it. Unfortunately, there was always a limit of what she could do:

Do you think Rei could take Touya to a therapy without her husband's permission? She did as much as saying Shouto was only five years old and she got slapped for it.

Do you think she could have done anything when her husband still had so much control over her and basically the one who controlled the whole family? Shouto was continued to be abused by his father when Rei's gone.

Do you think anyone could escape the number two hero who had the money, power, and connection? There was almost nothing Rei could do when Enji was still being abusive and selfish. Realistically speaking, she couldn't counterpart him, not by power, money, or connection.

It was hard for her to help Touya or the other children if the husband didn't participate at all. Marriage and parenting involve both parties. In such a conservative family, I think it was almost impossible for Rei to take Touya to a therapy without her husband's permission and it would still be harder for Touya to heal without his father's participation since the father was the source of the problem after all.

This is not to say Rei was free of the responsibility, no, as a parent, she was responsible for her children's situation too. However, to say she should have done more than what her husband should have done, or to hold her responsible for the things that should had been her husband's responsibility, or the worst; blame her more than her husband, all of that is just wrong and shows how little we actually understand the dynamic between them.

Rei was under pressure; she was pressured by her husband, she wasn't free to speak her mind in that house, she was physically and mentally abused by her husband so much that she feared just the sight of him (imagine the amount of trauma that he had inflicted on her), she wasn't loved, she wasn't cherished or protected by her husband, and at the end she lost her mind. It wasn't the best condition at all for Rei.

Rei could have done more if she was in a better condition; if she was free to speak her mind, if her words were actually taken into consideration by her husband just like how people in a marriage should, if she wasn't continuously mentally tortured and physically hurted by her husband, if they were in a better and in a healthy relationship.

[elliejoys]

“I was reminded once again of the reason I was born… I’m just a defective product. My life has no meaning. My family has already… moved on from me. When you cross certain limits… The things that used to shape you… lose all meaning. Touya died… and Dabi was born.”

[lightbluedevil]

Sometimes I think that did Dabi ever realize that what he has gone through was abuse. Because he is not angry at Endeavor for abusing and neglecting him, he’s angry because Enji replaced him with Shouto.

When he woke up from the coma and went back to home he wasn’t dissapointed that Endeavor was abusing Shouto, he was angry because Enji was still paying ”attention” on Shouto and had forgotten Dabi so easily.

He was never shown any other type of parental love other than being trained to be a child soldier. He thought that it was the attention and love that parents give their children. I wonder if anyone ever told him that Endeavor did much more wrong than just pushing him aside for Shouto.

Does he really know what genuine love and affection is and how parents are supposed to treat their children?

Probably not and now I’m sad.

[ofhyouton]

me: hits “post” on that reply

[ofhyouton]

dermapyre​:

she understands his whisper; the implication, the meanin’ he always, always kept hidden for so extremely long he himself began to deny it’s existence entirely, until a day where it inevitably came to sneak up on him; AS TRAUMA DOES, SENDING LETTERS, creeping up on you, surprising you in your sleep, dragging down the heavy body a soul as scarred ‘n light as his inhabited. 

once more touya finds that in listening while she speaks she continues to cut; TWISTS THE KNIFE, DIGS IT FURTHER AND FURTHER AND BY THAT ATTEMPTS TO HEAL; he asked before if it was too late to plant that hope back inside of him, open the year-old incision enji left when touya died, and put back into him what he assumed t’ have lost for the rest of his life. ultimately the love he was denied, although he cannot claim to have ever missed it; LEARNED HOW TO BURN, HOW TO DO SO QUIETLY when the time requested such of the child that he was, and over the years what he lacked became less and less what was important. 

nonetheless, born and raised with little to none of what he needed, he hasn’t had the time to mourn ot properly. assumed, simply so, sharp and cruel teeth are all that he deserved; all they ever did was cut, usin’ touya as whatever valuable vessel until his day came where he was deemed expendable, 

and no matter where he goes, those words follow. 

YOU’RE DEFECTIVE. 

he heard it all, every night, every day 

and at any minute when his father thought he talked only to himself, little touya’s ear pressed tight to the walls because they were ridiculously thin as is, and he always wondered why daddy never ever heard him cry WHEN TOUYA HEARD HIM WEEP 'N COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW HIS CREATION IS A FAILED ONE. 

❝ kaa-san, i can't— ❞    anxiety spikes. so does heat, the effect instantaneous in a flash of azure; fingertips, first, her words nothing but fuel, CRUEL GASOLINE POURED INTO RAGING FLAME.    ❝ i can’t breathe— ❞ 

                it’s not your fault,                   it never was,      THEN WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE IT IS? 

panicked eyes search for hers, following anatomy to the stretch of hands and reach of tissues he doesn’t need and doesn’t want, what he wants is his family back, he wants the years he lost, he wants the love he never knew he needed and wanted and touya wants— he… 

❝ kaa-san, ❞   touya leaves her side, back on his feet, burning quietly, fiercely, scared and lost and mind’s back to sekoto hill and the lack of eyes on him, the time enji didn’t want to waste on a defective product, ON HIS OWN CHILD THAT SHOULD’VE KNOWN BETTER, TOO, THAN TO SEARCH FOR LOVE WHEN THERE NEVER WAS ANY; no trace of it, not a hint, and with it came the distrust and fear of anything that could manifest doubts in what dabi used to so stubbornly believe in; 

        i deserve what’s coming for me now,         back when i should have apologized; 

gone is the day he returned to find himself replaced entirely while the mindless abuse of the next child continued. today’s the first time in so long that he burns like this; from emotion alone, from what overwhelms and dries his eyes, what fills his lungs the way it did SO MANY YEARS AGO WHEN HE DIDN’T KNOW BETTER BUT TO BURN. 

her presence isn’t reassuring, it doesn’t help him, it doesn’t do anything to calm touya nor his flame, and his mother’s continued you deserved better, you never did anything wrong is… its not… IT’S SIMPLY NOT UNDERSTOOD. it doesn’t register, and neither do her attempts at aid. 

❝ WHY DIDN’T YOU HELP ME?! ❞  

always about enji, it always comes back around to him, every time touya thought of it he was the sole thorn to his side that made everything go wrong, his fault and never anybody else’s, NEITHER DABI NOR TOUYA DARED TO BLAME HIS MOTHER FOR IT. 

fear’s most prominent in his eyes; of what scrapes nails over the floors of his mind, phrases that aim to inflict pain to somebody who does not deserve it; for all he knows she’s blaming herself plenty, and his anger fused with fright should not contribute; 

but words reek of it, THE BURNIN’ BLUE SIZZLING ALONG FINGERTIPS AND WRISTS the clearest indicator that he took more than he could swallow in the moment, and perhaps today has not been the day to come here nor talk about something as heavy as this. 

❝ WHY ME!? why weren’t you happy with me?! i can’t… i don’t und— KAA-SAN, WHY? ❞ 

        it’s your heart that pounds inside of me,         it’s your blood,         it’s your ice i can handle the best,         it’s you, it’s all you, 

so please tell me why you chime it wasn’t my fault when i can clearly see that nothin’ ever happened to stop it?

she feels it before she hears anything, sees anything. the spike in his temperature beneath her skin, within his own & how merciless the ascent was. the alarm strikes, rings in her head when his voice fractures & makes itself heard after what feels like an age from when she's first sensed the heat which threatens to burn. "touya --" words are quiet, and their lack of volume does not detract from the urgency. blue light does not go without notice, but she refuses to move from it / does not flinch away, and instead remains firm by the boy's side.

cinerous gaze lifts in time for that of panic & fear bright in cerulean to find her own, and for it to leave just as abruptly when he gets up, puts distance between them as he begins to ignite & flares of blue dance overtop of him. she rises, every fibre in her body screaming with the need to go after him, but she's made into statue as his panicked shout splits the tension that's come to exist in only a few minutes, like lightning splitting the sky & fracturing all that was harmonious before the storm properly broke.

there's a sense of fear that flickers in the back of her mind, the raised volume of his voice, his desperate questions demanding answers, that unearth the buried memories of enji's shouts: the screams of abuse hurled at her, her children, and the venom with which he would strike her, poison her & her sense of self. ( he's dead ... ) she fights her own dread, seems to waver on the spot with the effort it takes from her to remind herself of that / to drown out the distorted, disembodied roar of todoroki enji's hateful voice. ( he's dead ... this voice is not his ... ) touya's demands split the room once again, and tears at last properly fall from her eyes & roll down her cheeks.

( these are not enji's shouts. ) ( these are touya's cries. )

and so the heart that's been encased in ice for so long at last breaks free of its containment, after touya delivered the first cracks unto it...

.. and so it happens all at once.

( my child is crying. )

the rising temperature from his flames are met with a force akin to the clash of armies depicted in epic fantasies when the field of battle erupted into violence -- an exhale through her lips ( those which naturally remain more chilled than others ) shows her breath as the temperature in the room plummets.

( he needs me as much as he did then. )

the sound of cracking, crystallization surrounds them as the room's perimeter warps. ice grows rapidly from miscellaneous points all around: the ceiling, the walls, cracks between the door and its frame, the floor, and spreads without hesitation until the entire room is enclosed from inside-out. furniture remains untouched, but the ice beneath their shoes perhaps serve to root the room's decor in place, albeit without intent to do so. it is securing this space as theirs, and theirs alone.

"i didn't help you because i failed as your mother --" she speaks just a bit louder than normal, and her heart pounds terribly with the effort it takes to create such strength in her voice, "-- and i failed the person i'd once hoped to be!" tears flow freely, and in spite of her best efforts she's unable to keep her voice steady. even so, she takes a step closer to touya. "because i was a battered woman & broken already when you needed me the most," her jaw trembles, and a hand lifts to her heart. it hurts so very much. "because he'd already defeated me long before i realized it, and all that i could perceive of myself were the last shreds of desperation to protect whomever he was most focused on, instead of protecting all of you - especially you - like i should have!"

she takes another step, shoulders rising & falling with the breaths she needs to take in order to maintain the will in her words. a hand extends, one that reaches for him / one that reaches willingly into the blackness of his despair she's helped sow.

the temperature continues to drop, to the point even she's able to feel the manifestation of her sorrow against her skin. what moisture in the air hasn't been absorbed already & frozen to the flat surfaces, what droplets of saliva leave their teeth as their hearts & minds are laid bare manifests around them as ice crystals that are allowed to drift to the ground as flakes.

the flames dancing from his fingertips & wrists yields a sob of silence from her, and as she looks at the one standing before her she does not see the broken man he's become; she sees the wounded, neglected child she hurt so many years ago.

"i didn't help you when you needed it most because i no longer knew how," emotion at last reaches her voice, "and all i was able to see at the time was what i thought was easiest to tell you, not what you actually needed." she steps forward again, dares to take hold of his wrist where the scars he's spoken of are pulled against living tissue crudely, and the delicate grip she has is that of an arctic water's cold.

"i don't deserve your kindness or your forgiveness, because how much of myself i lost to him made me incapable of being the protector you needed. if i'd been a better person or a better mother, i would have been able to see what you needed and know to act upon it, rather than losing more and more of myself whenever he struck me or screamed at me --"

she can't help but think so, even after so many years of being told she's not weak. she still feels it. the frightened child she holds onto now is evidence of her weakness.

"i was happy you were my son, happy with everything you were and brought into my life... i still am." she's sure these words are ones he'll perceive as empty now, and her heart fractures further still to acknowledge this. she's able to draw up beside him, a force of cold side-by-side that of incredible heat. "you were my first true love, and my angel born in the shadow of a devil. but i was never able to properly show what you meant to me when it was most important... when you needed it most, and when you were old enough to understand." enji demanding they try again... again. enji insisting "one more time," ... her body enduring two more pregnancies. a newfound wave of fear with each one as his obsession grew more and more single-minded... greater abuse from his unchecked rage when natsuo was born... until all that was left of her was what she could scarcely put between shoto & the man himself.

"but i was too weak to stop him," she looks up to touya, searches for his eyes for the first time since he's risen / silently begs that he look to her as well. "and you suffered for it. i caused you so much pain because i broke too soon." much sooner than any other would say she did -- emptying the pot of scalding water against shoto’s face... that was the first time it was obvious.

she’d been shattered so long before then.

she doesn’t look away from her son, watered ashen eyes ones which take in everything that he is. her eyes are on him, and she wants them to always be... for what little that may be worth to him. she dares to reach her free arm forward, try to pull him close & against her. “there are not enough words for me to use... to explain to you how sorry i am. for everything i didn’t do, and the words i thoughtlessly gave you which inflicted more harm than help... i regret it all, touya.”

[ofhyouton]

i see a “1″ pop up over the lightning bolt and my heart stops

[ofhyouton]

[ofhyouton]

myers is about to annihilate me and fracture fuu’s heart i just know it

[ofhyouton]

dermapyre​:

     𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞,       𝐢𝐟 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞        𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧         𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐮𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦   ?

nothing he’s done, no action nor step taken, would in his mind match the indication of someone being proud of him; by a stretch so, her words cause more harm than good, and touya tried his best not to let it show. 

THERE IS NOTHING HE HAS DONE THAT SHE SHOULD BE PROUD OF. 

he killed, sometimes mindlessly, only to come back to his senses afterwards and realize. he harmed people for no other reason but the fun of it; sometimes; most times the reason was clear as day, steer fear in their hearts because his face is none easily forgotten, and once they learn who he was they’ll connect his face back to the number one hero. 

TURNED THEIR JOY ABOUT IT TO ASHES IN THEIR MOUTH, 

as was probable and the only thing that made sense in his mind at the time; 

now, faced with words from a mother he did not know he needed nor wanted, shit comes crumbling down easily. it’s hard to mourn what he thought he never had, the love of somebody who created him. 

it’s difficult to accept the love of one who thought him dead, and fared okay for years with that piece of knowledge; not sanely, but okay, relatively so. of course it hurts, everything does, every little thing and all of the time. it’s a struggle to breathe, to eat, to move to talk to be alive to get dressed— IT’S PAIN. 

no matter how badly those words want to take root, how awfully loud they bang on the doors of his mind and demand asylum, touya cannot grant them such without asking if he deserves it; if she knows what she is saying to A KILLER, A CRIMINAL, A THOROUGHLY FUCKED UP MAN who’d have gladly died years ago to ensure endeavor did, too. 

he dares think, too, that if it had not been for takehiko, he simply would’ve ceased to exist without a single regret nor inkling of hope left in a body that by all means was never meant to last twenty-four years. touya did not meet her eyes, his own stubbornly closed; he feels the horrendous pressure beneath them, under that patch of dead skin, knows the tell-tale signs of bloodflow like a grim reminder to what he recently mused; by all means, YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE SURVIVED ANY OF THESE THINGS. 

❝ you say what a mother would, ❞    he begins, with a hand kept in hers to steady the shaking, another on her back to steady her sanity,    ❝ and i never knew what things a mother would say to her own child. in my head it doesn’t… it doesn’t mean a lot. it hurts. all you say and do hurts in a way i’ve not experienced before— i’ve… never… wanted more than t’ hear it from you. the both of you, to be honest. i learned much too late what it was that he’s done t’ me, that it was not how to treat your child nor love it, honestly i assumed i’ve done things wrong and deserved all this. i wanted to go home and apologize to you, to him, because i thought i made a mistake. can you fucking imagine wh— ❞ 

touya stops himself, crying with lightly shaking shoulders because, no, this isn’t what should have happened, this is not what he wanted when coming here, if only she hadn’t talked about being proud of one who barely deserves it. 

                         ❝ it took me years to realize that I’D RATHER FEEL HIS WRATH THAN TO BE REPLACED. how fucked up is that, you think? ❞ 

                     𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇    𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒    𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇   .

it’s things takehiko doesn’t know. it’s what nobody but him knows; that he would’ve been happier being abused like this every day for the rest of his life if it meant to have his father’s eyes on him, AND HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT!? he knows it is, truly, touya knows, and dabi knew all these years, but the boy never received the treatment he needed nor deserved, so it was natural for the man he grew up into to never seek the therapy to realize that what he went through as a child was not normal nor had it been legal. 

pride does not fade when he begins to speak, declines the acceptance of what she's said to him. it exists -- heartfelt, genuine, unconditional, whether he is able to accept it or not. her answer does not come simply because she is his mother, no. her answer does not come simply to fill some kind of hole that may exist. it comes because it is her truth, and nothing less. although her sentiment does not once waver, her jaw falls to its lowered position nearer her clavicle. her eyes dropped once more to their hands held against his leg / eyes averted from where his own sit, the force he pushes them shut with evident in the corners of them. she is sorry already for giving touya more than he's able or ready to handle, has been since she asked of his scars.

she holds her words close, even so. so that, if he reaches for them one day, they will be waiting for him. safe & untempered from the world.

her heart twists readily with his admission ( she's caused him hurt, of all things ), but she does not shy away or flinch from listening, being beside him & silent while he speaks / as is his right. instead she absorbs it all, takes his words and lets them rest upon her heart. it's only when his voice breaks that she looks up once more / feels the spike of panic plunge into her & wrest her heart even moreso as crimson streams from the scarred patches beneath his eyes, unapologetic in its existence & evidence of his anguish when it runs curved against metal sunk into his skin, rather than straight down his cheek.

her lips part to speak, but nothing comes out.

it's good, too, since his words come once more.

listen close, and he may hear the air she breathes suffocate her as her voice tries to push past the breath she takes.

she cannot tear her eyes away & they round with sorrow long-buried, now exhumed. though his grip offers stability to her hands their trembles resume -- it's all the more evident when the hand atop his own lifts slightly, a gentle & reassuring touch given to his knuckles before she reaches away / leans slightly but not enough to take her back from beneath his palm. the small nightstand beside her bed is her goal, and the faint shuffle of cardboard can be heard as delicate fingers close against the corner / one hooks against plastic at the top. her position resumes to what it was almost perfectly, but rather than keeping a hand atop his own fuu places the small box of tissue against his thighs. she does not offer with words, does not instruct him to do anything. instead there is a moment's contemplation before she plucks one & folds it in half, before she brings the soft material to touch the backs of his knuckles where her own hand had lain. it is there for him to take when he is ready, and she does not force it upon him / does not clear his tears without his permission. they are proof of his existence in all its hell, acknowledgement of that which he was forced to live in; there is nothing & nobody who should, or could take it from him by wiping the tears away 'til he's ready.

a mother gives her child a moment he needs ( as she might when one's younger, sobs fading with a quiet hiccup as a wail dissolves into uncertain, calm breath ) before she speaks, quiet, with as much admission as touya has given her.

"what you deserved, touya... was better parents," she does not say it lightly, nor does her voice break much as her heart squeezes, and her weaker self may have let it. she speaks what she's able to acknowledge, now, without despair sinking its claws into her windpipe / without abyssal grief overtaking her mind / without drowning in the belief her life is not worth what it costs the earth. "what you wanted... what you needed, deserved... you didn't properly receive. from either of us." not after natsuo was born, and the hellish man’s anger at his failures became prominent... and most obviously after shoto was born, when she became a protector for the individual instead of a mother to the four.

that which she put away, locked in a box & hid the key when he stepped through the door, now snakes its way through the keyhole.

"all that you said... all that you did... it was your response to what you experienced. it is not wrong to react to that which hurt you irreparably, especially not as a child." many years she's spent hearing words similar, many years she's spent writing / reciting / reading that which is ultimately summed up to be, "it is not your fault".

it is not your fault, touya.

"what you realized..." wishing to feel SOMETHING rather than NOTHING, "... i understand why you were driven to such an ultimatum. i understand that you were pushed toward it, by his actions and my lack thereof." she does not wish to repeat the profanity he underscores the depth of his abuse with, but she does not let her avoidance of such take away from the severity of what her child suffered. "you were desperate for what we failed to adequately provide to you."

( i am so sorry, touya. ) ( i failed you, as a mother to her child. )

"i don't think it's --" ... she cannot bring herself to use his exact words, "-- wrong to feel what you have. while the continued mistreatment you would have accepted --” if it meant enji’s attention, “-- inherently is."

if she had fought back. if she had been stronger. if she'd lost her hope for enji, and grown resilient rather than broken... would she have been able to spare her children? would she have been able to protect them like she wishes she could have?

she will never know. perhaps in a different life, she was the mother they needed.

"you never did anything wrong." it was him. it was me. never you. "you never did anything which made you deserve any of it. what you deserved was better." her own eyes begin to burn, but she fights to prevent them from falling. "the abuse he inflicted upon you... the neglect and lack of support i'm responsible for... they were things you should never have experienced."

she has no right to dare ask his acceptance, even as they sit here.

"it's not your fault, touya. it never was."

[xxxxoxxxxxoxxxxxxoxxxoxxoxxxxx]

[zuraun]

[ofhyouton]

dermapyre​:

               𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐡 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

for ever so long he hoarded the wrong name of her in his mouth; could not have known better, by all means; and now it feels after months / years with a sore throat of a secret kept, more like a beehive pitched in the river; 

          she’d see how long love can hold its breath,           and how eager one was t’ release it – 

for him it lies in a sharp exhale, discarded what’s wrong in the slightest huff of smoke. 

touya believes its fate; or, tastes like it, for what he knows and experienced of such; to have found her this way, and his way to her had never been as anticipated as to learn what she may think upon seeing him, granted she already had. with more shock than adoration, sure; now that eyes rest on his features, abused and broken, mended by crude unfamiliar hands and his own expert precision, touya dares think she sees something in him that he simply cannot recognize anymore. 

a soft round face beneath all these rough edges, shaped by cruelty; mismatched lips, full and dry and ever painful when teeth drag across it’s upper one in moments of anxiety; 

          one thinks about lips and dreads the tongue,           but always forgets the teeth. 

touya did not like to be touched, but found it a strange form of dislike; he craved it too much, to be held so tight so he would not break, not again, never let go for just a second, and her hands did well to keep him whole. 

                      „no blame,“   touya begins, chest as heavy and tight as the moment he came through the door,   „never. not for what you did when you couldn’t help it. we can’t change anything.“ 

oh, but didn’t he? with his own hands, bare and bloody and too hot, way too hot for comfort, beyond the point of blisters and gore- he did. for what it matters, touya changed what he could and rid the world of a cursed existence. 

between it all; words and gestures, dry azure and awfully feverish fingertips, touya dares t’ think and let mind drift – she cut away something when she left, thinking her baby-boy dead. maybe his mother cut the hope that day, and he wonders if its too late to open the incision and plant it there again; and bury it, deep enough until they forget there was ever anything to bury, even if a broken body remembers. 

she’s right, though. no grief, no heartache – touya barely felt his own anymore unless it is driven by panic, or … the love he’s found. in her, eyes and fingertips, neatly cut nails meeting his skin in the slightest of embraces. 

                       „it, uhm… it isn’t… as simple. it didn’t happen that night. the… the patches they gave me were alright, but never belonged to me. it burnt quicker whenever i fought. all this time i thought i’d burn my skin, but most of it wasn’t mine anymore. i woke up healthy ‘n pretty. didn’t stay that way. don’t think i was meant t’ be– well, i… uhm.“ 

          𝐈’𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮    /    𝐛𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐭.

if he had stopped; like enji told him to; he’d be… okay. he’d not live with all this pain and expenses. he’d… be normal. least to the naked eye. 

                      „…i fought too much and burnt too quick. cried a lot, too, when my body wasn’t able to anymore, and it’s… just blood.“

𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧, 𝐟𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐝, 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝?

like crystalline ice, her heart begins to creak under the weight of what she feels. it is as his initial words come ( not an ounce of blame cast upon her, when she's so certain she deserves such ) that it’s as though he stands on a frozen lake overtop her chest. tears which form in her eyes freeze like those which came only seconds before / gemstones beneath her ashen gaze rested against her skin. ( oh, touya... ) she wants to thank him, all the same feels the urge to insist she's to be held responsible for her failures back then...

... but his own words take precedence. and readily, too.

his story is far more important than her own regrets, this is a fact she decides without hesitation.

and so she listens.

the hesitation in his voice / the stumble over his words indicate that what she’s asked of him is too steep, yet he tries all the same to answer. she remains still & silent as touya fights to answer her even so. her fingers against his own curl slightly, a mother’s reassurance that he can take what time he needs to give the answer he wants. eyes closed, they’re able to lower behind her lids & reopen at their hands while his explanation is given.

she doesn’t know if he’d want to meet her gaze while he spoke of his burden.

she'd swear the primordial sound of splitting glacier which she feels in her soul is audible, and her heart shatters for him. to think her baby has been alive all this time, and struggled for just as long. it deepens her regret: her inability to do anything which may have let touya chase his dream with proper support... her inability to even think of the possibility while she struggled to protect her youngest from that man’s single-minded goal... her inability to tell her eldest what he truly wanted ( needed ) to hear back then...

and now... this.

it is hard for her to think anything other than, ( perhaps i could have prevented this fate. )

𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦 𝐦𝐞, 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐞.

"are you ... ?” in pain? she cannot find the heart to ask, words like cotton in her throat as regret surges within her & she seems to wilt next to him as a parched flower. her hands tremble, and she cannot find the self-control to still them. it’s after she swallows, inhales slowly, that she dares to lean against him for support.

she does not even know what she should say in response. how does anyone even respond to such a thing?

“...it’s been... more difficult for you than i could have imagined.” her voice carries the sadness from her regret, and when she is able to lift her gaze once more to his face, the sympathy for her angel swims there. she will mourn for him, as she did when she thought him dead -- and it is not out of pity that she does so, but instead the wish that things could have been different for him. “...and it still is...” she needn’t ask the question to know; a single look at his eyes now, after he’s spoken, and it tells what he could have.

every day is a fight.

"... yet you’re here even so.” the sympathy dilutes with admiration, pride that warms her gaze. it’s impossible to miss, if he looks. “you’re incredible; you’re my beautiful firstborn, and stronger than i would have dreamed. i am... so proud of you, touya.”

[dermapyre-deactivated20221123]

so let ’em burn, burn, burn, burn, burn !!         ↳ independent & selective   TOUYA TODOROKI   as brought to life by myers

[ofhyouton]

there. it took him a hot moment to gather the courage, to tell Takehiko as well; about Kaa-San and what they've talked about ever since they met again. about life and what cannot be called such no more; what's been lost and found.

found, for him... its Takehiko. she, and that now very pretty ring on her finger. it's obvious, visible, shines in the sunlight, but he'd not make it topic yet; they'll have to be introduced, first, and after all things did not go as magically conform as society would deem them to be / want them to.

the setup was simple in the apartment they'd found for Fuu, with some expensive coffee and blue cornflowers she'd never have not enough of on her table. touya makes sure there's always a new bunch.

this time it's takehiko who gifts them to her, though, and it's him who introduces her as who she is; to him; to them both now, part of a family that stitched itself back together.

her fingertips remain, ever gentle, against delicate petals of a blossom in the process of opening. one more day, she figures, and it will be ready to show itself fully to the world -- tomorrow morning as she has the coffee so thoughtfully provided, fuusetsu imagines she'll be able to admire each and every petal the flower has to offer. she becomes aware of the relaxed smile that's upon her face as fingers fold beneath her chin, admiration & joy given to her by something so simple more than apparent. there's nobody to witness it, though. not yet. two mugs sit, waiting, upon the counter across from her. and perhaps the anticipation of their would-be holders' appearance gives life to her expression as well. touya's told her she's able to meet her now... takehiko. able to meet the girl ( woman ) who has captivated him so. she's not been over-eager in the matter, understands full well it's been easiest / most sensible for her to become settled in a location that's safe & quiet & away from the business of others' lives before she's able to know the one responsible for filling touya's heart. fuu knows the possibility of getting to know her before this point was a potential hazard, an attraction of unnecessary attention -- and so she's been patient. it's not been difficult, as her greatest priority is her beloved's safety & comfort. and by extension, that of his beloved's. so when the quiet knocks upon her door sounds, her heart leaps. she turns to look toward the narrow hallway that leads into her apartment, and holds her breath as she waits for the remainder. one more... two more. relief floods her veins as the pattern registers -- touya suggested it: a code so that she needn't even come close to the door if she's not expecting company -- and her breath thrums with happiness in her quiet exhale. the door is drawn back quick & quiet, and an extended arm offers what has become her home to her son & takehiko. she doesn't fuss with introductions & formalities yet / nor do they, instead she's quick to indicate where they may store their outdoor shoes & retrieve those for the house, thanks them for their respect before they even move to comply. fuusetsu dismisses herself politely, asks what their beverage of choice will be: touya elects for coffee, not even a heartbeat allowed to pass before he readily answers, but takehiko's is more hesitant. she can hear the quiet murmur of the other woman's voice in the genkan as she reaches her counter, and only picks up the bag of coffee to listen for a reply. the quiet thrum of touya is a reply to takehiko, and it's only then that she speaks up too and requests the same. after she puts the coffee on, closes the top over the new filter, fuusetsu turns to find takehiko & touya both standing in the sitting area. takehiko appears nervous: those brilliant eyes which had caught her attention in touya's picture were angled toward the ground overtop the mask she kept on her face, and the flowers she bore were clutched close to her body. all the same, fuu can see takehiko's conscious effort to not crush the lovely blooms. ( sweet girl... ) fuu's gaze softens the longer she looks at the other woman, and her subconscious lifts a hand to fall overtop her heart. there's so much she doesn't know about her... and what she does know, beyond that which touya's told her, feels like an invasion of her privacy. the girl from the hokkaido incident, and everything that followed. from that to now... all that's happened in her life, fuu's heart breaks to imagine it's more than just what was publicised in light of her trial. it breaks to recognize a lack of confidence in the other woman, born of so many different things she's endured 'til now. ( ...you're safe here. you don't need to be ashamed. please... ) with a blink of her eyes & touya's words, she finds takehiko bowing before her -- deep, respectful, genuine. fuu steps forward to close the distance, but surprise stops her short as something particular (sacred, really, a chosen union betwixt them). ( wife... )

the surprise evaporates into the warmest of smiles, pink flooding her cheeks as blood rushes / paints a blush upon pale skin. the ashen earth of her eyes seems to gleam with joy, and her heart feels as though it's accelerated five-fold. « oh, touya -- » her beam to him is one she'll not forget giving / likely one he'll always remember himself. « -- takehiko... » her eyes leave her son as she looks to the woman, and the distance she'd begun closing earlier at last is bridged. « please, you're welcome here. » fuu extends a hand forward into her line of sight, and takehiko returns to her proper posture almost immediately. « i'm overjoyed to meet you at last... touya has told me much about you, but i can only imagine there's so much more he could tell me and you could as well. » the other woman swallowed silently, her eyes flickering upward once before she finds it in herself to stay looking at fuu. the beam she's cast her angel softens into a gentle smile as she looks to his. loving. pure. reassuring. « what pictures he's shown me... they can't compare to now, i don't think. you're even more lovely in person... » some of the tension trapped in takehiko's shoulders seems to evaporate, and with such relief she's able to offer the gift she's carried this whole time, holds the bouquet out to fuu. it's then she's able to see the ring upon takehiko's finger: beautiful silver, untarnished & still obviously very new. fuusetsu feels her heart swim in her endearment, and it's all she can do to not cup takehiko's hand in her own. she lets her eyes wander to the flowers, notes orchids & geranium threaded together. perhaps takehiko had been the one to choose them? after her assessment's moment passes, fuu reaches forward to take the gift graciously, and she dares to rest her fingers gently against takehiko's & the ring upon them. « your gift is beautiful, too, takehiko. » she allows the intent of her words to sink in, and sees the flicker in takehiko's eyes when it does. ( touya is not the only person who thinks so. please, believe me. ). it's as she draws back, pulls the flowers to herself that she continues. « come... both of you. your coffee will be ready soon, so have a seat -- i would make for a remiss hostess if i let my daughter in-law stand her entire visit. »

ʜᴇʀ ꜰɪʀꜱᴛ ᴛʀᴜᴇ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʜᴀꜱ ꜰᴏᴜɴᴅ ʜɪꜱ ᴏᴡɴ.

@dermapyre ♡

[ofhyouton]

#CRIES AND SCREAMS AND SHOUTS AND JUMPS ON THE SPOT#ARHCNF CJND HELLO.................. . .......#HEHNFJJFNF IT'S SO??????#BEAUTOGILTRKFIENJNDJRNFRJ...#I'm so so so in love with this

[ofhyouton]

there. it took him a hot moment to gather the courage, to tell Takehiko as well; about Kaa-San and what they've talked about ever since they met again. about life and what cannot be called such no more; what's been lost and found.

found, for him... its Takehiko. she, and that now very pretty ring on her finger. it's obvious, visible, shines in the sunlight, but he'd not make it topic yet; they'll have to be introduced, first, and after all things did not go as magically conform as society would deem them to be / want them to.

the setup was simple in the apartment they'd found for Fuu, with some expensive coffee and blue cornflowers she'd never have not enough of on her table. touya makes sure there's always a new bunch.

this time it's takehiko who gifts them to her, though, and it's him who introduces her as who she is; to him; to them both now, part of a family that stitched itself back together.

her fingertips remain, ever gentle, against delicate petals of a blossom in the process of opening. one more day, she figures, and it will be ready to show itself fully to the world -- tomorrow morning as she has the coffee so thoughtfully provided, fuusetsu imagines she'll be able to admire each and every petal the flower has to offer. she becomes aware of the relaxed smile that's upon her face as fingers fold beneath her chin, admiration & joy given to her by something so simple more than apparent. there's nobody to witness it, though. not yet. two mugs sit, waiting, upon the counter across from her. and perhaps the anticipation of their would-be holders' appearance gives life to her expression as well. touya's told her she's able to meet her now... takehiko. able to meet the girl ( woman ) who has captivated him so. she's not been over-eager in the matter, understands full well it's been easiest / most sensible for her to become settled in a location that's safe & quiet & away from the business of others' lives before she's able to know the one responsible for filling touya's heart. fuu knows the possibility of getting to know her before this point was a potential hazard, an attraction of unnecessary attention -- and so she's been patient. it's not been difficult, as her greatest priority is her beloved's safety & comfort. and by extension, that of his beloved's. so when the quiet knocks upon her door sounds, her heart leaps. she turns to look toward the narrow hallway that leads into her apartment, and holds her breath as she waits for the remainder. one more... two more. relief floods her veins as the pattern registers -- touya suggested it: a code so that she needn't even come close to the door if she's not expecting company -- and her breath thrums with happiness in her quiet exhale. the door is drawn back quick & quiet, and an extended arm offers what has become her home to her son & takehiko. she doesn't fuss with introductions & formalities yet / nor do they, instead she's quick to indicate where they may store their outdoor shoes & retrieve those for the house, thanks them for their respect before they even move to comply. fuusetsu dismisses herself politely, asks what their beverage of choice will be: touya elects for coffee, not even a heartbeat allowed to pass before he readily answers, but takehiko's is more hesitant. she can hear the quiet murmur of the other woman's voice in the genkan as she reaches her counter, and only picks up the bag of coffee to listen for a reply. the quiet thrum of touya is a reply to takehiko, and it's only then that she speaks up too and requests the same. after she puts the coffee on, closes the top over the new filter, fuusetsu turns to find takehiko & touya both standing in the sitting area. takehiko appears nervous: those brilliant eyes which had caught her attention in touya's picture were angled toward the ground overtop the mask she kept on her face, and the flowers she bore were clutched close to her body. all the same, fuu can see takehiko's conscious effort to not crush the lovely blooms. ( sweet girl... ) fuu's gaze softens the longer she looks at the other woman, and her subconscious lifts a hand to fall overtop her heart. there's so much she doesn't know about her... and what she does know, beyond that which touya's told her, feels like an invasion of her privacy. the girl from the hokkaido incident, and everything that followed. from that to now... all that's happened in her life, fuu's heart breaks to imagine it's more than just what was publicised in light of her trial. it breaks to recognize a lack of confidence in the other woman, born of so many different things she's endured 'til now. ( ...you're safe here. you don't need to be ashamed. please... ) with a blink of her eyes & touya's words, she finds takehiko bowing before her -- deep, respectful, genuine. fuu steps forward to close the distance, but surprise stops her short as something particular (sacred, really, a chosen union betwixt them). ( wife... )

the surprise evaporates into the warmest of smiles, pink flooding her cheeks as blood rushes / paints a blush upon pale skin. the ashen earth of her eyes seems to gleam with joy, and her heart feels as though it's accelerated five-fold. « oh, touya -- » her beam to him is one she'll not forget giving / likely one he'll always remember himself. « -- takehiko... » her eyes leave her son as she looks to the woman, and the distance she'd begun closing earlier at last is bridged. « please, you're welcome here. » fuu extends a hand forward into her line of sight, and takehiko returns to her proper posture almost immediately. « i'm overjoyed to meet you at last... touya has told me much about you, but i can only imagine there's so much more he could tell me and you could as well. » the other woman swallowed silently, her eyes flickering upward once before she finds it in herself to stay looking at fuu. the beam she's cast her angel softens into a gentle smile as she looks to his. loving. pure. reassuring. « what pictures he's shown me... they can't compare to now, i don't think. you're even more lovely in person... » some of the tension trapped in takehiko's shoulders seems to evaporate, and with such relief she's able to offer the gift she's carried this whole time, holds the bouquet out to fuu. it's then she's able to see the ring upon takehiko's finger: beautiful silver, untarnished & still obviously very new. fuusetsu feels her heart swim in her endearment, and it's all she can do to not cup takehiko's hand in her own. she lets her eyes wander to the flowers, notes orchids & geranium threaded together. perhaps takehiko had been the one to choose them? after her assessment's moment passes, fuu reaches forward to take the gift graciously, and she dares to rest her fingers gently against takehiko's & the ring upon them. « your gift is beautiful, too, takehiko. » she allows the intent of her words to sink in, and sees the flicker in takehiko's eyes when it does. ( touya is not the only person who thinks so. please, believe me. ). it's as she draws back, pulls the flowers to herself that she continues. « come... both of you. your coffee will be ready soon, so have a seat -- i would make for a remiss hostess if i let my daughter in-law stand her entire visit. »

ʜᴇʀ ꜰɪʀꜱᴛ ᴛʀᴜᴇ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʜᴀꜱ ꜰᴏᴜɴᴅ ʜɪꜱ ᴏᴡɴ.

@dermapyre ♡

[peterokii]

todoroki family reunion