How would I vary with dialogue tags? I am aware of how you punctuate dialogue and how you use it, but lately, my writing has gotten redundant with doing: “Hello,” he said, sipping his coffee slowly OR “My name is Jane,” she mumbled, averting her eyes. There is the same pattern of the dialogue and the dialogue tag with the same sentence structure, and I’d like to vary that.
Avoiding Repetition with Dialogue Tags
If your dialogue tags are starting to sound redundant, that’s because you’re overusing them or using them in the exact same way. But there are lots of ways you can vary tags, and often you don’t need them at all. Here are some tips to keep in mind when writing dialogue:
Dialogue tags don’t have to be just “she said” or “he mumbled” at the end of a line of dialogue. You can also place tags at the beginning and in the middle:
“What time do you want to leave?” Kimberly asked.
Frank looked at his watch and said, “Maybe around seven?”
“Isn’t that too late?” Kimberly asked, frowning. “We need time to park.”
2. Use action tags instead.
Action tags focus the reader on who is about to speak, or indicate who just spoke, without using speaking words like “said” “asked” “mumbled,” etc.
Kimberly glided into the room, all satin and expensive perfume. “What time do you want to leave?”
Frank looked at his watch. “Maybe around seven?”
“Isn’t that too late?” Kimberly’s fake lashes fluttered in concern.
3. Don’t use a tag at all. ««««
– Use context to indicate who spoke.
Sometimes you can use one speaker to set-up the next speaker:
Kimberly glided into the room, all satin and expensive perfume, stopping before Frank with an expectant look. “Well? When did you want to leave?”
“Isn’t that too late?” Kimberly asked, fake lashes fluttering in concern.
Since Kimberly is staring at Frank expectantly before she asks her question, we can assume the question is meant for Frank and that he is indeed the person responding.
“This is ridiculous! We’ll never make it to the concert before it’s over,” Caroline whined, throwing her arms up in exasperation.
Jason folded his arms and drew in a breath through his nose. “Not unless someone can drive us…”
All eyes in the room landed on Ted.
“What? You want me to drive? I just got my license yesterday!”
Since all eyes in the room landed on Ted, we can assume Ted is the one who speaks next, and the context of his answer makes sense as a reply.
– Use the natural “back and forth” pattern to your advantage.
If a character’s dialogue extends beyond a paragraph, we indicate that by withholding the end quotation mark but still using one at the start of the next paragraph. This is how you know the same person is still talking. Otherwise, when the end quotation mark is present, a new line should equal a new speaker. Because of this, when there are only two people conversing, or two people dominating a conversation, you can rely on the natural “back and forth” pattern to let the reader know who’s speaking:
Kimberly glided into the room, all satin and expensive perfume. “What time do you want to leave, darling?”
Frank folded his newspaper and looked up at his wife. “I was thinking about seven?”
“Isn’t that too late? We need time to park.”
“Very well, then. We’ll leave at a quarter ‘til. Unless you think that’s too early?”
“No, darling. Quarter ‘till will be fine.”
Even though the speakers are only indicated in the first two lines of dialogue, it’s very clear who says what. When Frank answers Kimberly’s question, who else would be replying but Kimberly when there’s no one else in the room? And when she expresses concern that seven is too late, who else would be there to acquiesce? We know that it’s Frank.
– Use character voice to indicate who’s speaking.
Some characters have particular ways of speaking that make them easy to identify in dialogue. Maybe they’re the stereotypical “mopey teenager” and everything is “ugh” and “whatever.” Maybe, like Kimberly above, they use a lot of nicknames or terms of endearment. Maybe there’s a particular type of slang or vernacular that they use, like someone from the south saying “darlin’” and “y’all.” Even if there had been a third person in the example in #4, we could have guessed the final response was uttered by Kimberly since she called Frank darling at the beginning, too.
So, let’s look at a final example putting all of these ideas into practice:
Kimberly glided into the room, all satin and perfume, stopping before Frank with an expectant look. “Well? What time did you want to leave, darling?”
“I was thinking about seven,” Frank said as he folded his newspaper and looked up at his adoring wife.
“Seven? Don’t you think that’s too late? We need time to park, after all.”
Frank shook his head. “Very well, then. We’ll leave at a quarter ‘til. Unless you think that would be too early?”
“No, darling. I think quarter ‘til would be fine.”
“Splendid. I’ll go get ready, then.”
Out of six lines of dialogue, I only used a tag (Frank said) one time. :)
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