time takes an odd quality. it feels as if he is floating through space, falling, and falling, and falling โย and there is no bottom to the pit. a repeated nightmare, a sleep paralysis. no matter how much akira tries, he cannot save him. you cannot save anyone, stop fooling yourself. a dark voice in his head cackles, and he pushes it away. tries to. it remains in the shadows, with all of his demons. waiting to strike. with ugly teeth, ready to bite into the soft skin.
it doesn't feel r e a l , none of this does, and as he sits down, with eyes that do not dare blink, he wonders if this too, is a cruel joke. nyarlathotep, mocking him, ready to pull the carpet underneath his feet. maybe, he will blink, and then wake up in that attic, staring into the rotten wood of the ceiling, unable to take in any breath. remember your promise, trickster. it appears, fate has played an unfair trick on you. that gentle voice would say. akira does not think he could take it.
from the moment he started to pull the threads, wrapping it around his knuckles, pulling it until it marked the skin red, until it hurt โ until he begged and prayed to whoever out there that this was not a false lead, akira never imagined actually sitting here. looking at a hand, reaching out, as if to question the very same thing that goes through akira's mind.
it's instinct more than reason that makes him reach out just as quickly, and then slowly, wrapping his hand around akechi's, to convince himself at the same time that this is real โ he is here. he is alive. how? does this mean he remembers akira? what exactly happened out there, that day? there are so many questions, but the fear is potent enough for him to not dare push. instead, when he speaks, his voice is quiet, as if handling delicate glass, terrified a wrong move could shatter the whole cabinet at once. "it's โ it is me. akira."
the words choke him, they are barbed wire stuck in his throat. the back of eyes sting, and he does his best to will the tears away. doesn't want to upset akechi โย or make him feel anything he doesn't want to feel. this isn't about him. he doesn't want to make it about him.
"found you. i'm...ย finally here." i can't believe it, doesn't utter out loud. it has been so long. instead, long fingers wrap gently around his, bringing it down, thumb rubbing against the back of his knuckles. his hold is weak around his hand, giving him leeway to pull back if he wishes to.
the silence s t r e t c h e s. , and even if akira still feels terrified to say the wrong thing, to utter the wrong words, he feels as if he needs to prove that this is him. that he kept his promise. all through these years. "i have something of yours." his other hand reaches into his pocket, wrapping around the fabric of his lone glove. then, holds it out, gently dropping it on his own lap. "i... never gave up on trying to find you." would find the admission difficult to say, if it was someone else. right then, he just needs akechi to know it's the truth.
"i'm sorry it took so long." if his voice is wet with tears that threaten to overcome him, he swallows them down. "i'm here now, i promise. for- anything you need." and he means it. akira has always kept his promises, and he does not make them lightly.
