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the dryness of his mouth was instantaneous as her eyes diverted away from him. any moment of happiness that small hint of a smile that transformed sailor’s features vanishing just as quickly as it had come. had he read the whole thing completely wrong ? had he interpreted her words and found meaning within them that she’d not meant ? maybe she’d simply meant that she could see herself loving him in the FUTURE. just like how he’d mentioned her being the only person he wanted to figure out what it truly meant and looked like to love someone. she CARED about him, that much was apparent, he hadn’t gotten that wrong and not even the cruel thoughts that tried to get him to second guess EVERYTHING could make him believe she didn’t. but she didn’t LOVE him—not yet at least. it was senseless to even allow the words to linger within his thoughts let alone speak them out loud and force her into a situation she wasn’t ready to face. she’d said herself, the only person ( to his knowledge ) that she’d loved had ruined her. loving someone else may be about the LAST thing she’d want to open herself up to.
he wavered, his secure hold against either side of her cheeks slackening, before his lips parted. fully meaning to backtrack on his question. to tell her that it didn’t matter, that she didn’t need to say another word, that knowing she cared about him and that she wanted him GOOD OR BAD was more than enough. but before he could uttered a single word, she was speaking once more. dissolving every thought that had appeared only seconds ago.
tonight had been a whirlwind to say the LEAST. one moment he’d been trying to BREAK UP with her, thinking that it was BEST for her, and the next ? the next he’d closed the distance between them ONCE AND FOR ALL and was hearing sailor saying the words ‘ of course i love you, ’ as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. it would be hard for anyone to wrap their head around, enough to drain every ounce of energy they had and maybe once they moved from this spot, kieran would feel the overwhelming exhaustion of the past few weeks hit him all at once but for the moment, every inch of him felt ALIVE.
sailor wilson LOVED him.
it was impossible to keep the corners of his lips from curving into a soft smile as he studied every inch of her features, a single hand shifting to allow his fingers to graze tenderly against her skin as they trailed down against the curve of her neck. there was PLENTY that he still had to figure out. there was PLENTY of things he still wasn’t sure of. but how he FELT about her was not one of them, not anymore. maybe if they’d been at the beginning, maybe if he was still hurt over the years spent in the unknown about what had happened between them, things would have been different—but they weren’t. they were here, they knew they were together, where they stood, and most importantly they both knew exactly what they wanted—each other.
“ i might have a lot to still figure out. i might not know what the hell i’m doing but—” he shifted a single half step closer to her, his focus intently unwavering against hers as his head gave a minute shake, “ as much as i appreciate you saying that it’s okay if i don’t feel the same way just yet, that you’re not going anywhere. i don’t need it. i don’t need time to figure how i feel about YOU. my feelings for you are the only thing that i know for CERTAIN. ” the smile upon his lips may have slowly faded, but the way it caused his eyes to soften and brighten never did. SHE LOVES YOU. YOU LOVE HER. it was the only thing that mattered right now. it wasn’t the first time he’d wanted to say the same words tonight, but it was the first time he’d had the nerve to be able to form the words. “ it still might terrify me, knowing how DESTRUCTIVE love can be and not knowing what the hell is going to happen or where we’ll end up, or even what it—loving someone—really entails when it comes down to it. but i know, in the simplest form, that I LOVE YOU, sailor. i’ve loved you since you were eighteen. ”
most of the time, sailor felt as though her last relationship had done nothing but DRAIN her, emptied her of everything that she had until she was left still standing, but hollow. but that wasn’t always the truth. sometimes she felt like, instead, it had FILLED her to the brim — although only of things that she wanted to forget. it left her filled with fear, left her terrified that he would, somehow, find her again. left her terrified that she’d never be the same person she was. left her terrified that he was right, all along — that she was unlovable.
that was the fear she was clinging to in that moment, waiting for her words to process in kieran’s mind. she was fully prepared to accept that kieran didn’t feel THAT WAY towards her, yet, and she was OKAY with it. in retrospect, the fact that she was still standing in front of him in that moment, after coming so dangerously close to being shut out of his life all over again, was enough for her. the fact that he had carved out a place for her in his life, despite EVERYTHING that she had put him through in the last handful of years, even in the last handful of months, was enough for her. maybe he didn’t love her right now, that was okay. it didn’t change how she felt, not even for a moment — she’d been loving him since long before she thought she stood a chance — and it didn’t change the fact that she’d wait for him, as long as he needed. no, the fear resided in the idea of kieran NEVER being able to really love her. the idea that, once again, they would end up in this position of him trying to end things with her once more, and being successful in it. and the most terrifying part of it all was how distinctly POSSIBLE that felt. not because of him, but because of her.
the smile that made its way onto his features was enough to settle that lurking fear inside of her, at least for a moment. even if it turned out that he WASN’T sure, at least that was a sign of things looking like they may actually turn out for the better. and then his touch was shifting, moving gently over her neck, making her feel almost dizzy in the way that only he could. and he was moving closer, gaze still focused on her features, as though he could see right into her. it wouldn’t surprise her, honestly, not in the slightest. she’d bare her whole heart to him in a moment if he wanted to see it — she felt as though she DID, most of the time, without even trying. his gaze had ALWAYS made her feel nervous, especially so when they were years younger and she was constantly wracked with nerves at the thought of him being able to see the line between friendship and more that she always wanted to walk with him. but it didn’t make her nervous anymore, not at all. the sense of safety and of home that lingered wherever kieran went made her confident that she could, and she would, show him everything.
her breath caught in her throat when his words came to their point, any hope she had of saying something that made any sense whatsoever vanishing the moment that the words I LOVE YOU fell upon her ears. it hadn’t been what she was expecting to hear in that moment, not even in the slightest, so it was safe to say she ended up reeling from hearing them, now.
“you love me,” she repeated, though her tone made the words sound more like a question than an affirmation. it was much like what he’d said to her, moments ago, only... only she was sailor wilson, the girl who had spent years pining for him only to inadvertently break his heart when she left just as something between them was becoming tangible. and he was kieran walsh — perfect, kind, patient kieran walsh, who allowed her to come back into his life despite the pain she had caused, allowed her to find a home at his side so that she could grow back into herself and become whole again. and, now, to know how he truly felt about her... “you love me,” she tried again, this time sounding far more certain, despite the rush of emotion that was creeping into her voice and threatening to cut her off — though, this time, it was in a GOOD way. he loved her, and he’d loved her for FOUR YEARS now. four years, over a thousand days that they could have spent TOGETHER. the thought made her hands move to instinctively fist at the front of his shirt, holding there for a moment before relaxing, smoothing out over the planes of his chest. “you — you LOVE me.”
















