Heâs Muslim. Like I am. He calls me to tell me how his new girl âdidnât work outâ, I ask him what is it that she was missing. He tells me how she has a past and I explain to him that we all do. âNo, not that wayâŠa sexual historyâ. Heâs over 30. Most people our age have a sexual history, I explain. âYes, but she is Muslimâ and I ask him âAre you not Muslim too? Were you not bragging about hooking up with that girlâŠwhat was her nameâŠJessica? Britney? Whatever. At my cousins wedding?â. He tells me how itâs different. âSheâs a white girlâ. I tell him some would consider me a white girl. âBut youâre not. Not really. I mean youâre Muslim. Turkish too. Bosnians arenât white anyway. There are different rules for us.â I get quiet. Iâm not sure how to explain to him that Muslim women have sex too. He doesnât believe me. He says âI used to think weâd end up together. But you had a childâ. I laugh. I tell him that the prophet married Khadija even though she had children. He says it was different then. âIâd marry you if you were a virginâ. I ask if thatâs what he wants. He tells me yesâŠâi want a wife who is a virgin, there is nothing wrong with that, donât give me a new age feminist lecture either. I can have preferencesâ. I askâŠâhow many women have you touched?â. He goes quiet. âYou are not a virgin eitherâ. He tells me itâs different for him, he is a man, men have needs. âWhat of women? Do we not have needs?â â Sure but women can wait. The husband can fulfill their needsâ. I ask him who he thinks fulfils my needs since I no longer have a husband. âYou donât have sex. You are a good girl. You have always been a good girl. I want my wife to be like youâ. I laugh againâŠâbut you donât want me?â. â No, itâs not you butâŠyou knowâŠyouâre not a virgin. Iâd like someone like youâŠjust less experiencedâ he says but his voice sounds bitter at the last words. Experienced. Iâm sure he meant to say damaged goods. Someone else has had me before him. âWhat else?â, I ask, âWhat else does your future wife need to have?â. He tells me she needs to be smart, educated, heâd like post grad work too, but she must know how to cook well. He says âshe cannot be modernâŠlike you. I mean, I like you a lot but you are too modern. We would never make it work. You and IâŠyou are too smartâ. He mentions a Ph.D. I ask if he has one. He doesnât. He didnât finish college. He works at the tire factory. But his wife must be educated. Educated and intelligent but she must allow him to take care of her. I tell him âyou want your wife to be everything but what are you? What are you offering her?â He tells me he will love her, provide for her, and she must do the same. She must also take care of him, finish school, be a virgin, be intelligent, want children, have children, raise the children, work, cook, clean, and be a virgin. He mentions the virginity thing twice. I ask him if he is expecting too much without giving anything in return. He says a woman would be lucky to be loved by him. âIâd love you, but you knowâŠâ and I finish it for him âI am not a virgin, I knowâ. I laugh again. The women are expected to be everything all in exchange for love, an ounce of love. Not even good love. Mediocre love. The menâŠ.the men are expected only to find such a woman. I tell him âI hope she doesnât suffer. Whoever she is that you marry. I hope she doesnât suffer.â He doesnât understand. Why would a woman want anything other than the love of a man?
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