Oh Go Away Cupid

A Smoulder of 21st Century Love Letters

[ohgoawaycupid]

And Bobs is back! Hello old friend! You used to say I was sexier than Rihanna, now you see me as Posh Spice. I've clearly aged. I kinda missed you Bobs!

[ohgoawaycupid]

And the ones who don't take the hint remain persistent as ever. #maleconfidence #boringboringboring

[ohgoawaycupid]

Then there was this... #noyouarenot #okcupid #stayingsingle

[ohgoawaycupid]

I decided to dip my toes back into the world of online dating. This is what was waiting for me. #okcupid #thisisnotokcupid

[ohgoawaycupid]

If at first you don't succeed...

[ohgoawaycupid]

I have never interacted with this person. Never messaged him, never visited his profile. I feel this must be a tactic he employs in the hope that a woman replies purely to say WTF. Men. A lot of you really are losers.

[ohgoawaycupid]

Mate, you can ask as many times as you like, no-one is hearing about my hidden talent till after I audition for X Factor next month!

[ohgoawaycupid]

This makes me feel queasy. Very queasy.

[ohgoawaycupid]

I really and truly don't normally engage but I couldn't resist this one.

[ohgoawaycupid]

I feel that the lines are a little blurred with this one. I mean it's possible this dude is a supreme hipster who is utilising these cheesy lines in a knowing and ironic fashion. It's definitely possible. Maybe. Definitely maybe.

[ohgoawaycupid]

This is clearly a man who has been told that you can laugh a woman into bed and who believes he has 'great bants'. #cringe #amIbeingcruel? #patterpandemic

[ohgoawaycupid]

Never believe anyone who tells you that Scottish men are not charming, erudite, intelligent and witty.

[ohgoawaycupid]

When a married man, 20 years older than you, messages you and advises that he doesn’t have a photo of his face on his profile because ‘it can get used and has been by others’. I didn’t come down in the last shower mate. I hope your wife finds out and kicks you to the kerb. Boak!

[ohgoawaycupid]

What about my stunning?

#grammarisimportant

[ohgoawaycupid]

Bobs has now sent me this message four times. I’m beginning to suspect that he uses this line on all the girls.

#gutted

[ohgoawaycupid]

Oh David. I think you’ve lied about your age.

#whyisthischildmessagingme? #13not23 #23isalsofartooyoungincasethatwasnotclear

[ohgoawaycupid]

Oh Pierre. Whatever happened to French Romance. I had such high hopes when I saw your name.

#wherehaveallthegoodmengone #noIdonotwanttotreatyoulikeaslave #believeitornot #imtoovanillaforthisshite