Old ways

26 year old, grad student, nursing major. Big sister. 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

“Awesome. It is, isn’t it? We’re going to find the perfect one. So do you have any preference when it comes to road trip music? I plugged my ipod in but we could switch to yours.” 

[msharmonyjones-blog]

I just realized how fast the wedding is creeping up on me.

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

“Yeah? You ready for our trip then?” 

[connorxandrews-blog]

“You know, part of me would like to burn something, but I don’t think I really brought anything with me that I’d want to burn.” he commented as he looked at the fire, “Wishes are cool too though. And I mean … it’s a bonfire. So this would still be cool even if I didn’t have anything to do.”

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

“So you didn’t think this night trough huh?” Her tone was teasing, wiggling her brows at him all in the spirit of humor. “Just to stay positive I think making a wish would be nice.. only.. I don’t know what to wish for.” 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

Chloe nodded a little giving a subdued smile back despite her worries. She was trying to not be too involved, but it was still hard to back completely off. That wasn’t as likely to happen. “I’m relieved to hear that Con.” She hadn’t expected them to kick everything up into high gear but the possibility had been there and that was what had scared a lot. “Which is wise, for everyone involved, and it means you guys get to just be university students. It can be quite the adventure I hear.” She was in truth not the first person who should speak about this, knowing she had little experience with letting loose and being ‘just’ a student. “Thats good.” 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

A million? I hope thats an exaggeration cause then you’d need a big ass venue to host the reception. Which is really expensive. Are your parents helping out some? I can totally see how you would feel that way. Wouldn’t want an unsteady hand to ruin anything. [smiles] Were people really that judgmental back in New York? They’ve got no right to be. Its a step up for you guys for sure. Living together can be the greatest thing. Its not as much work to see each other, to just hang out and be romantic. I’m glad that you like it here. This town is very different from living in the big city but the nature here is so beautiful and the people are the nicest. [Finding her computer] I’m sure Colin has no problem loaning his out. As long as we clean up. God he is such a neat freak. I forgot like one soda can and two gum wrappers in his car once and he totally overreacted, I’ll tell you. So there are three bridal shops in both Portland and Augusta, with similar ratings. Doesn’t really matter which city we drive to.” 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

“You’re smart to. But aren’t those few what makes the job interesting?” Teaching was as much about every day meetings with people as nursing was. Thought from what he’d told her, he didn’t seem to be the biggest people-person around. “Stealth was never my strong suit, so I think we’re both safe.” she grinned a little. There were a number of things she would admit she’d execute poorly. A lack of poker face, not the best coordination, oh yes, and big mouthed. Apparently. Chloe nodded slowly. “I just sounded pretty crazy, I know. Its not often I meet someone that can relate.” She tried to explain, because it didn’t take much to see that he didn’t quite understand her stunned and silent excitement to have found someone who didn’t just stare confused at her while she talked. “Most of my classmates manages to distance themselves, they haven’t been forced to be on the other side of it, they’ve learned not to bring their conscience to work.” Chlo shrugged. Maybe the problem lay with her. Wouldn’t be the first time. 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

“You mean you never had to. Trust me, its not voluntary. Neither is love for that matter. Does seem like your students don’t all should receive patience so I guess it works out.” She had to grin a little, such dry humor was impossible not to find funny, at least in her case. Chloe was pretty sure her humor was rather non existent around most strangers. You had to dare be yourself to be funny, or so she had thought. “Ha and don’t you know it. Am I gonna find myself at the other end of a gun if I end up on your bad side? Or seriously knocked down by some masterly kung fu moves?” She was teasing, full well knowing it was morbid to, probably with the topic. Still, for once, she didn’t triple check her every word to make sure she didn’t sound insensitive or cold. “You see not many do. They know of distant loss or some kind of grief sure, but not the sense of responsibility one feels when someone died and you could have prevented it.” Lord was she horrible at topics, really this was bad. And only made her thirstier, honestly. Could also have something to do with the fact that when he smiled she couldn’t stop staring. 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

Seeing how relieved he seemed to be Chloe felt that familiar flash of guilt again. She really hadn’t meant for him to be so hurt by her over all of this and now she wished she could take it all back. “No I don’t but there’s a difference between having fun and settling down. I’ve seen how quickly marriage turns to buying a house and suddenly there’s a pregnancy and a rush to finish degrees to be ready for a baby when its really all too soon for that kind of responsibility. And I’m not saying that you or Harmony are that rash or would put yourself in that position but.. just don’t grow up to fast. Responsibility isn’t all its cooked up to be, thats all I’m saying.” She was probably worrying unnecessary. “Great, thats great you guys should. “ Chlo nodded with a soft smile. All she ever wanted was for him to be happy, to find his way. In her weak moments Chloe could admit that she was a bit envious. He’d made it all look so easy, finding a partner, someone to love and who loved him unconditionally. She didn’t know if she would be lucky enough to find that. 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

“I do. Can’t really compare it to anything.. besides maybe building patience as a parent. But you have to love your kid brother, you don’t have that kind of love for strange twenty-year olds. Does mean you have to be incredibly patient.” Chloe had no idea how but she kept giving him subtle compliments. The weird part was actually how sincerely she meant them, and she kept wondering if this was how she now flirted. God only knew after all these years she had been sure she wasn’t able to anymore. A soldier? She took a beat, or tried, but failed. “What kind of soldier?” The question just fell out. Her and her big mouth. Shaking her head a little she recanted. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” Thought her question might have seemed abrupt her tone had immediately softened. Hell war of any kind had to be bad enough. And she knew from experience that most veterans encountered horrible things while in service. The bartender was quick to return with their beers and Chloe brought it to her lips at once. Damn that felt good. 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

“Why thank you! [laughs softly]. I just know my friend Bethany from back home did all hers by hand and she bruised her wrist so badly doing so that she wasn’t allowed to use her hand for over a month afterwards. Also its just so much easier to printed. Its good that you know what you want thought. Makes the process a lot easier and there are a lot of choices to be made. Thats good, and its good that you check up on him. I do think its easier being at university however. When you get to pick your major keeping up with school and coursework is a lot easier. Not as forced as high school. Which is why you honey are a keeper. Can’t wait! Oh I should borrow Colin’s car. He probably doesn’t need it during the weekend anyway. maybe we should check out the boutiques online? See if any of them demands an appointment or things like that? 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

“Jeez then why come to class at all. Thats just infuriating.” She shook her head a little, easily understanding why he would be annoyed and more hard on the students. “Guess in the sciences you’re just very easily judged if you don’t keep up with readings or prep.” Chlo added thinking of her classmates and how they could seem.. incredibly competitive. She’d never been bitten by that bug, but some of her friends who were now soon to be doctors had easily competed to be the star pupil. She felt her eyebrows shoot up a little when he suddenly avoided her gaze. Had she said something wrong? Biting her lip Chloe nodded. Her curiosity about his past was growing, making it real hard to keep from asking. But then if she did that also opened the lines of communication her way too. Then again would that really be so bad? Her therapist always told her she needed to be more open about her story. “But you don’t like to talk about it.. The how you know part.” Well assuming was better than asking. Walking over to a corner table she sat down, expecting him to do the same. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the bartender eying them and then starting to walk over. “I’ll take whatever you have on tap aand Whatever you want Caiden.” She said raising her brows at him, with intention this time thought. 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

“Thats fair. But don’t most do that?” She asked, thinking of her own behavior in lectures. Never once had she raised her hand to participate or argue unless she had thought the question or topic for discussion trough. But then Chloe liked to be prepared, she’d always been studious thought some would claim she was very bright when it came to her chosen major and school work. Personally she didn’t know. Her best skill was multi tasking. Sort of a much needed one when you were doing school, work and parenting, all at the same time. Meeting his gaze Chloe was actually a little stunned. “You really mean that don’t you..” Most people had a hard time relating. Most told her she took it all too personal. It was nothing short of incredible to be speaking to someone who could say those words with sincerity. 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

Chloe did her best to focus on her breathing, without loosing track of the conversation, or what Connor was saying. “I.. yeah uhm.. I guess.” The brunette was also doing her best to arrange her face into.. well less of a huge question mark. She honestly had no idea what to do with herself. All that time that was now left to her, where she was supposed to.. presumably fill with friends and a hobby or even more work. Maybe she should get a puppy.. Had she been with someone right now, she might have suggested a baby. Then again that would probably be wrong, mostly to fill the void instead of taking the time to figure out this new chapter of her life. Still the most important thing to her was that even thought he could now care for himself, be responsible and all that without needing her presence, they would still see each other. Make sure to put aside time to just be together. Chloe nodded softly, sort of a response to both of the things he had said. Yes, it was hard. Harder than she had originally wanted to admit or even see. She wasn’t quite sure if one song could explain it all? Had to be a damn good song if that was the case. Still she sat back and closed her eyes. That was the best way to hear a song for the first time, with your sense of hearing at its strongest. As the sound and words spilled into the room and crossed her mind, Chloe recognized the same sort of urgency and belief that there might not be a tomorrow, that both Harmony and Connor had previously expressed. And part of her understood that really well. Each time Connor had relapsed she’d felt something similar afterwards. How you treasured every moment after with an intensity you wouldn’t previously have because you hadn’t known how the possibility of loosing it all felt like before it actually happened. She hated that he had to live thinking like that thought. That each moment might be one of a few, that he could never fully lean back and know that his life was free of complications, free of the cancer. But it was the reality, it was what it was and no one could change it or alter the facts. As much as she resented that reality, she couldn’t deny it or fault him for wanting to live every day to the fullest. And she certainly could not live with being the one that had kept him from doing so. Opening her eyes, Chloe drew in a deep breath, nodding a little before speaking. “I understand it. I still think nineteen years is a bit too young but its.. you’ve had such a rough go of it and you guys don’t want to loose any more time. Just.. don’t take on too much responsibility with this. Promise me you guys will still do things that nineteen year olds are supposed to do, like traveling and parties and all those kind experiences.” 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

“Hopefully I know you enough to come up with something you’ll like and approve of. [Wiggles her eyebrows a little teasingly with a matching smile] Did you have them printed? Cause I know calligraphing can be incredibly time consuming. Lacy huh? Sounds very you. Getting into university life takes time. The moving, getting a grasp on classes, new surroundings and people. How’s that going by the way? The classes? The fact that you braved trough that I know means a lot to him. Most people run when things get tough, its the keepers who stays. [Nods eagerly] Exactly, we could browse a lot more gowns somewhere else. Then lets just do it. We’ll find the perfect dress and have an amazing weekend all at the same time. 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

Chloe knew that it was hard for him to understand. It was honestly something she thought of as very very hard to understand unless you’d experienced having this kind of role yourself. And most people her age hadn’t yet. They were mostly just about to if they had steady relationships. Being a parent was, something she hadn’t exactly asked for but still gladly accepted from a very early age. She could barley remember now how it was like not to be one. His words were quickly filling her eyes with moisture and Chloe had to fight to keep her emotions in check. “I know its not like.. I don’t have a place in your life or that you wouldn’t want me to be.” She nodded a little, because that wasn’t the case, thank god it wasn’t despite all her recent difficulties and bad behavior. Luckily their bond was stronger than that, not so fragile or easily broken. “How? I just.. I don’t even know where to begin to figure that out. Its like I’m stuck in this awful place holding onto the past too tightly but not able to let go because I am scared of the future.” Chloe didn’t know how she’d ended up being the one resenting change. The one fighting it so hard like it was the worst thing that could happen. It probably wasn’t. And what it all boiled down to was that she was being incredibly selfish holding the people she loved back because she was the one running around scared. “This wedding is part of that future Connor. I won’t lie, for me all of this is connected.. but I never wanted to be the one to hold you back or keep you from being happy. I’m so sorry I’ve been so selfish..” She had to cross her hands in front of her chest, in a way, holding herself together. Chloe had made a point of never fully breaking down in front of him, to spare him, because he shouldn’t have to see her like that. And she was still doing so. She blinked a little at the mention of a wedding song. Music. A language she’d always understood. Yeah, that might be a good way. “O-Okay, sure.” 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

“Sounds like you have fun with it. I’d definitely pity the student who dared challenge you.” She could imagine, with the sort of stoic behavior she’d seen from him that he could be pretty hard to argue with. Hell she’d tried and wouldn’t call it a full success. But then again she was just another grad student. One who hadn’t taken humanities classes in what had to be not just a few years by now. “No, wish it was that trivial. The worst part is always loosing someone. A life lost, especially on my watch. Even if there was nothing I could do to prevent it, just nature taking its course.” 

[ohitschloeandrews-blog]

Awesome. I got to start planning that. You just tell me, or make a list or something and we’ll figure it out. Yeah? I’d love to see them. Its great that you’re nearly ready to send them out. People need to know so they can hold the date. Its probably a sound idea to try and socialize a little. Making friends really shouldn’t be hard for either of you, you’re so outgoing and good natured that believe me, most people do not stand a chance. We’ll, we’re not like most family. Ours is small and precious to us but both me and Colin loves and thinks of you as family. Besides I think that pushing other loved ones out would have been bad for Connor recovery wise. We were all there to give him the support and love he needed, that might have been part of him surviving. [nodding a little] Right. I’ll ask, it will be good for us to clear the air anyway. [Tilts her head to the side studying Harmony a little.] Finding that one perfect dress in a small town like this can be really hard. Maybe we should take a road trip to Augusta or Portland? The selection there has to be a lot bigger than the one offered here. I mean, I have this weekend off? We could do it then if you’re free too? I will not swear up and down I’m any sort of fashion expert, but I have been to a lot of high society weddings over the years. You probably have a feel of what you want and what suites your body, so together I think its safe to say we’ll find the perfect dress. No its definitely not. It needs to be done right.