how did you develop your sense of style? i don't like the way i dress at all--most of my clothes are very low-quality & don't "flatter" me & i don't like wearing them!!!--but i don't know how to figure out how i'd rather dress. advice about thinking about what i like about other people's outfits feels weird to me...
i hope your summer is off to a good start also :D
a lil disclaimer: i don't think i'll ever stop developing my sense of style! and i don't think i have it sorted! but i also think that's part of the fun :-) so first things first: you don't have to figure out a for-once-and-for-all solution about how you want to dress -- it'll change over time, and that's very cool. enjoy the ride!
but also i totally get it. been there done that and still end up there sometimes. so here are a few things that have helped me avoid waking up and going "wow. thank u for absolutely nothing, closet. i hate absolutely everything in here" on a daily basis:
when i first started trying to figure out why my closet sucked, i began by trying to make shopping less overwhelming -- there were too many options !! so i gave myself a lil book of easy rules with veto power. like, i hate chiffon so even if that's the cutest top ever, i'm not buying it because it's chiffon. vetoed!! easy peasy. i do this by regularly reviewing what i don't like, and i find this a lot easier than trying to start by defining what i "like". like who knows what i like dude but i sure do hate the feeling of chiffon. and you can use this in a few ways!! for example:
i've tried to figure out which fibers are a "yes" and which fibers are a "no." this often makes the decision for me, which is why it's step 1 when i'm shopping !! i can love the look of a silky top but i always feel hyper-aware of static and sweat so wearing it stresses me out, and it's on the veto list. i do love a bit of rough cotton, a slightly itchy wool. i don't like anything "too" soft like suede. i don't like how i sweat in polyester. etc. having a list of "yep i wear these!" and "nope i never wear this fiber" can make shopping easier; your choices are immediately narrowed to items on your "yes" fiber list
i also do this with certain types of items or styles; like, i always reach for oversized t-shirts or crew neck sweaters; i never reach for my collared shirts. i love a collared shirt in theory but in reality i rarely wear em, and every time i do i feel a bit... weird. devastating. but i've noticed this and i've put them on my "do not buy" list, no matter how beautiful they are and no matter how many "capsule wardrobe" guides tell me they're a "closet staple"
and speaking of closet staples: i love those guides for making the process of finding your style, or finding a more minimal closet system, a bit more approachable -- but you gotta figure out which bits in there simply don't apply to you. remember when every single minimal capsule wardrobe guide said you had to have a striped t-shirt as a "fun" basic? i sure do!! but guess what!! i don't wear stripes!! i am currently grieving this because i have some desperately good striped tops in my closet but i never reach for them, and when i do, i immediately change. that's information for me, babey !! i'm literally taking notes
i do something really similar in order to figure out what i do like -- i pay attention to patterns! a few ways i do this:
pinterest! you can literally look at a board with outfits you pinned because you like them and be like, are we seeing any patterns here. am i seeing a lot of a particular silhouette or a common element (oversized tops + oversized bottoms; funky shoes with minimal outfits; colour-blocking; flowy layers; boxy structure; etc etc). when your heart goes "zing!!" at a photo of an outfit, see if you can figure out what the zing is for, and then if it's something you like on the person wearing it, or if it's actually something that you're itching to grab and put on your own body
closet review: i pull out the pieces in my closet that are my 100% i love this i would wear this any day of the week it's not going anywhere i feel so happy when i pick it up and when i'm wearing it and i lay them out. i do the same sort of analysis. what is this made of? what do i like about it? are there any patterns i can see here?
i create a little folder of "touchstones" that feel exactly right, and i keep it close any time i'm adding something to my closet. right now it has a lot of oversized tops + oversized bottoms with more structure than drape, athletic/formal combos (think men's blazer over a tee with sweatshorts and runners), other slightly unexpected combinations (graphic tees with lace shorts, cargo pants with ballet flats), minimal pieces with fun details, and lots of blues, orange-reds, and yellow-greens (a big shift away from my usual black and neutrals !!). i think i have a feminine face but i like a tomboy-ish silhouette, and a lot of these photos lean menswear-ish. seeing this helps keep me grounded in what i actually vibe with
but truly this is such a complicated subject and i have so many many many thoughts about it -- like, wearing something everyone has because it's on trend can feel really good because it provides a certain amount of safety and comfort by allowing you to blend in; figuring out what you actually like versus what everyone else likes + what's being sold to you by way of really insane marketing tactics that work on us which feels gross is a real uphill battle; it is absolutely 100% expensive and out of reach for so many folks to buy new clothes as their style evolves, even if you're thrifting, and body changes or fluctuations (which can happen with regularity, and/or unexpectedly) can make your wardrobe suddenly literally unwearable and that's also! expensive! etc etc -- but my biggest rec is to figure out a) what you love to wear and b) the pieces you love whether they're currently on trend or not, and use those as a base, or a touchstone, to help you keep playing around and figuring it out.
it'll take time! it won't happen overnight! just have fun while you play and take everything as information :-) oh i don't like how this fiber feels? noted. i feel like i drown in something this oversized? noted. i feel like all i can think about are the stripes on my shirt and not in a good way? noted. i am super annoyed by this seam under my arms? noted. it's aaaall information
i also want to quickly mention something i read a few years ago that stuck with me: style is work. i think there's this really common narrative about folks either 'having style' or 'not having style' and that it just comes naturally or it doesn't, which has us like. oh okay people are just out here having style. why is it so easy for them when i find it so hard and difficult !! but the answer is that for so many people (me included !!) style is basically a hobby. time and energy and money are being put into playing around with outfits and styles and styling and options and figuring out what's good and what's not and what they like and don't and what feels funky-good and what feels funky-bad. and it's totally okay for you to not be the kind of person who wants to put a ton of their time / energy / money there, or if you find it really difficult and annoying. that's okay !! do as much or as little as you want and focus on what makes you feel good -- physically and emotionally :-)
