Over a year ago I made a post talking about my relationship with mi anxiety and how I was at peace with it at that moment. Some people reached to me and it made me so happy because how I said, we are not alone.
This pandemic affected a lot of us in different ways. Some of you lost their jobs, their planes vanish and even lost someone you loved.
I thought this was my year. It was my last semester in college. A newly graduated chef traveling the world. But then COVID happen. I finished it not how I expected with no job offers or posibility of getting a job because everything related with tourism and restaurants is closed. Worrying about my loans, with my dad being a doctor thinking it might be the lasr day I see him. My younger sisters. What If we lost him? How am I going to take care of my sisters without a job? And in all of this there was my grandma taking care of us, of me. Giving me the hope and strengh I needed, never giving up on me. And so suddenly the world took her from us, we lost her whithout a single warning. She was my everything.
I felt so numb. I wasn't able to continue. I thought I was going to lose my dad from sadness. I couldn't grieve bwcause I wanted to be the stronger one. But inside I was dying. I still feel like I'm dying. I felt so angry at God, the world, myself for not noticing something was wrong.
But little by little we got our strenght back. We helped eachother. Again, we are not alone. If something this pandemic thaugh me was to speak. Reach to someone and talk about it. Don't hold it.
Am I ok right one? No. And that's ok. Don't ignore your feelings. "This shall pass too". We are going to have moments when we feel everything it's over and we are going to have moments when life is beautiful as always and we are all going to learn from every single one of them.
As I mention in the other post, Clean is my song.
"You are not going nowhere just because you haven’t arrived at your final destination yet" - I'm gonna get a job I love, pay my loans, help my dad and buy the most beautiful bouquet for her grave!
"What you are is someone who’s walked through a bunch of rainstorms, but continues to put one foot in front of the other" -I'm going to keep taking take of myself because I now my grandma is looking at me proud of the woman I can be!
Rainy days are my favorite cuz they remind me of how strong I am. That no matter what happens in my life, I'm going to be ok and you are going to be ok too. Reach to someone. To me if you need someone to talk. I'll be there and I promise you will be alright. It's ok not to be ok.
Thank you @taylorswift for giving me a song to remind me to get through pouring rain.
*I was meant to write this for Suicide Awearanes day but it was to triggering for me. So, I'm going to leave this if you need it.
http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
