Word Review

Words that can be made from the letters in my name: take, eat, at, ate, tea, teak. Atek may sound like attack, attic and addict, but it is not a word.

[ohmywordreview]

Before I disperse this conversation into the intersphere, I would like to say that all names have been changed to protect the innocent. If my bfl (we're calling her A here) ever decides to sue me for name defamation, etc. I would like there to be no reference made to this here infringement of privacy… because it's assumed that what's said on WhatsApp should never go elsewhere. Anyways, the following is the reason I'm still functioning, because without random 30 minute chunks of my day devoted to talking about the best way to combine Robert Redford and Barbara Streisand's names, everything would be weird. And thank you to Mindy Kaling for sparking this:

K: Hahahah jabrobra

K: Josh Brolin and Barbara Streisand

A: Haha. But why does that combo need to exist?

K: Haha now I want them together

K: So bad

A: Get on twitter and make that magical combination come to life.

A: If twitter can't do it I don't know who can?

K: I think if it's meant to be it'll happen without me

K: I wouldn't want to force destiny

K: Meeeeeemories

A: Was she even in cats?

K: They're the corners of my world

K: Was that cats?

K: She might not have sung that song

A: The musical that song is from.

A: Haha.

A: [insert YouTube clip Memory by Barbara Streisand]

A: She sang it. Your right.

K: Boom

K: I think it was in the way we were

K: Haha bredfan

K: Robert Redford and Barbara Streisand

K: I guess it should be breadfan. Bredfan feels weird.

A: They better not have a gluten allergy.

K: Hahaha that would be unconscionable

A: Redbar?

K: Ooooo even better

A: Barford

K: Hahahha

A: Robara

A: That could be a real name

K: Robabs for short

A: I'll give you 20 dollars if you name your first born robara

A: It could be male or female

A: Or your first robot

K: Haha I almost just spit out my food

A: Robabs the robot

K: Done

A: Haha

K: I think my first born is already spoken for. But I can't remember by what

A: Massimo?

K: Maybe I'll end up with a pet snail and name it robara

K: It's hard to tell snail gender

A: Yes. That can do.

K: It might've been Massimo

A: Knew it.

K: Maybe it can be Massimo Robara. Has a nice ring to it.

A: Haha

K: Cultural

A: Just flows off the tongue.

A: That snail could be from anywhere.

K: I hope I marry someone whose last name fits

A: Ditto

A: Or you could just marry this guy. [insert google image of Massimo Robara]

K: Score

K: I score

And the word of the day is MEMORIES.

[ohmywordreview]

Well, well. If it isn't time for another dose of Python. To the tune of The LUMBERJACK Song, I present to you fresh-off-the-presses: The Bean Boot Ballad.

CHORUS: Oh, they're my bean boots in caramel and fudge. I skip and jump and clomp and trudge.

I'm in the woods, sat in a creek

My gun is in my hand.

With toasty feet, for a gaggle or drove

I scan across the land.

CHORUS: Oh, they're my bean boots in caramel and fudge. I skip and jump and clomp and trudge.

I'm late for class, I race outside

A puddle's straight ahead.

If I'd worn any other shoe,

I'd be right back in my bed.

CHORUS: Oh, they're my bean boots in caramel and fudge. I skip and jump and clomp and trudge.

The crops are here, they're plump and fresh

There's been a ton of rain.

I might decide to let them rot

but for my boots from Maine.

CHORUS: Oh, they're my bean boots in caramel and fudge. I skip and jump and clomp and trudge.

And there you have it. Un-sponsored shout out to the multi-functional, multi-occasional Bean Boot. Out.

[ohmywordreview]

Women Having A Terrible Time At Parties In Art

The holidays have left me PARTIED out. I haven't actually been to a party, but thinking about not going to them is equally exhausting. Or maybe I have been. I don't even know anymore! When did the holiday season start? If we're talking Christmas Eve to now, the answer's no. Past that, it's certainly possible... Irregardless, I'm Garthed out. 

The good news is that parties of today are very similar to parties of yesteryear - especially when you're in your late 20s. Everyone falls asleep in a clump and somehow it honestly isn't an orgy. There are, though, less flowers. Bring back the flowers! But no poinsettias. Those things are killers.

[ohmywordreview]

Today's word is LUDACRIS. Not because the man is hands down, straight up the finest wordsmith of our generation --

I submit as Exhibit A(mazing), "An why do you think you take a ho to a hotel? Hotel everybody, even the mayor. Reach up in the sky for the hozone lays. Come on playa once a ho always. And hos never close; they open like hallways. An here's a ho cake for your whole ho crew." Exhibit B(rilliance) would be everything else that man's ever said.

-- but because of this here attached article.

The NYTimes would like me to see what I can buy with $1,750,000. I considered at first this to be just another HA-NO instance, and then realized maybe this is the wake-up call I needed. I see what you're saying, NYTimes and I'll admit it. I'm out of my league. You have shone me - just another mereling - that my eyes are bigger than my stomach. And better spent pursuing a publication aimed much closer to my tax bracket. Maybe I should stop reading the Trader Joes circular too. It's getting a little ritzy.

So as a supplement to this ludacrity, I would like to offer a list of what can be bought for $2 - an amount I'm far more comfortable with.

… At this point, I must admit that I have no list. It's late so I can't actually go out to do research, making this no more than a giant (if a giant is defined as three-ish paragraphs consisting mainly of Ludacris lyrics) teaser trailer. Maybe tomorrow I'll hit up my local Rite Aid and get some answers. 

[ohmywordreview]

5 Hilarious Audio Clips From ‘Car Talk’s’ Tom

"Dr. Mahis Munis told the annual meeting of the American Academy of Neurology that about two dozen cases of spontaneous French occur every year."

Some equally fabulous Tom quotes can be found here, A sampling includes:

"Never let the facts stand in the way of a good story."

"Kids: get away from the cell phones, get away from the computers, and mail someone a fish before it's too late."

Today's word is CAR. Dedicated to a great laugh.

[ohmywordreview]

20 Questions with Amy Poehler

The word for today is COUNTERFEIT. But close-runner up is synonymous ersatz.

One of my favorite TV funnies is the time Joey in Friends signs his name as Baby Kangaroo Tribbiani on the letter to the adoption agency. It's a simple case of over-thesaurizing that works so well. And in that same vein (ha not vain… vane? sticking with vein...), I keep picturing a teacher with a sign in her class that says, "Counterfeit is the sincerest form of flattery." Lessons for life. 

[ohmywordreview]

Ahh and the ever popular word game, words that vaguely flow from one to the next, starting with today's word: AGAINST.

agents - gesture - stages - tragic - gnats - assisting - gracious - strained - instant - trainers - staggered - stings - aging - nations - sustained - tings

[ohmywordreview]

I've described my bodily feel as "like being hit by a car" on multiple occasions. But, yesterday I was hit by a car and the way I feel today is like the little men in my stomach had an all-night hammering session for a little interior decorating revamp. Then the little guys in my arm, neck, back and shoulder got jealous and re-did each of their abodes as well. Either that or someone's taking cooking lessons and decided to get practice with meat tenderizing on every muscular mass within walking distance.

I was in the crosswalk, but apparently the car that had stopped, wasn't stopping to let me go but to wait until he had a clear path to turn left. So he accelerated right into my side, knocking me upwards, back and to the side all at once.

The weird thing is thinking back to the few minutes prior, if I were a SUPERSTITIOUS person, I would say there were looming signs. I was heading to the Chinese restaurant a block from my apartment for take-out and I kicked a penny. It flipped to heads and I picked it up. Fate must've thought this was me with my thumb in my nose, thinking I could just flip pennies and avoid bad luck. Won't do that again.

Then, as I approached the door to the restaurant, I must've been looking particularly pensive or pissed or pale and the man smoking outside said, "Yeah, life sucks, but you should at least smile about it." He was still outside when I got hit.

[ohmywordreview]

I would become a professor just for the oppooptunity to occasionally modify words mid flow. Say I were. I would give a lecture on pestiferous reptiles, starting with the dweebiest, the croc. First, though, I'd state that the hippoopotamus is a mammal. And having earned their confidence with my factoid, I'd continue on and encourage the class to consider what a crocodile would look like doing yoga. Poople get all sorts of enjoyment from picturing T-Rexs making beds, but crocodile arms are just as useless. At this point, I'd give each student a bit of an odd face and say, grocness gracious, this isn't my class. Let me just poop out and find your prof. UNPOPULAR is today's word.

[ohmywordreview]

The outcome of the vote for independence should be announced in less than an hour's time. I'm far too jittery about it to write anything of meaning, except that it's truly exciting to see a democratic vote in action. With a turnout of over 80%, the people actually seem to be taking this opportunity to have their voices heard. Whatever the outcome, it's inspiring.

Today's word is ARSE since that's the most Scottish word I can think of. And here are 25 Scottish phrases that will get you through life, courtesy of the BBC. Yer bum's oot the windae.

[ohmywordreview]

And now for something posh and military:

At a ritzy house in New Castle, two couples sip Juleps and patrol the croquet pitch. A final tap of the ball through the metal arch and the battle is won. Dawn would love nothing more than to debrief all over strategy with some crumpets in the solarium. Tammy and Louis, however, admit to feeling rather chin strapped and reject the offer in favor of freshening their cocktails. Frederick excuses himself to ablute before mess. The gang reunite in the dining room for the Slop Jockey's special: steak sirloin with a fennel beet jus and fingerling spuds. 

And today's word is ABLUTE because old English is glorious.

[ohmywordreview]

One of the most difficult things to hear when getting feedback after submitting a script is that it's not original. If someone tells me it doesn't make sense, the dialogue is inconsistent, I misspelled every word in a sentence, even if they say I'm not very funny, none of that bothers me. Someone once told me that my main character sounded British and no one uses British sayings in Boston if they're not British. I happened to live in Boston at the time after two years in England and Scotland so I did disagree a bit, but was just like.... oops, I guess you're right. And then I brushed it off.

What does get under my skin and make me question what I'm doing is when I'm told I'm not original. I suppose usually they say, this script isn't original, not that the writer isn't. But what they're talking about is something I've created from absolutely nothing and have put so much of me into that they are essentially saying, I'm not original. I have developed a thicker skin, but it is still tough to hear. I take a teeny bit of comfort in the fact that I no longer worry if someone takes an idea from me because I know the tiny hammer and anvil in my brain will not stop.

Bill Murray, as always, says it best. 

And the second word of the day is ORIGINAL.

[ohmywordreview]

The dance of Will Forte and Peyton Manning can and should be viewed here: 

DANCE! duh dun na na da da dee dee doooo... wiggle shake!

[ohmywordreview]

This is a piggy back on the last clip, not because it is in any way related to ransom notes, but because I got on a Bill Hader kick, died and am now back from the boogy world to discuss the laugh that finally killed me. I mean, come on! A German awkward pause. It's amazing.

I'm giddy just thinking about other awkward pause possibles. There's Panamanian, Brazilian, Australian, Swiss, Chinese, Madagascarian. Then there are all those other awkward pauses: on a date, in a job interview, with your parents, chatting up some rando on the street. I'll get to work on some of these. Thanks, Hader and Ferguson! PAUSE is the official second word of the day.

[ohmywordreview]

Archie and Jughead get into a fight because Archie is always paying for breakfast and calls Jughead a cheapskate. Veronica's peeved because it's finally sinking in that Archie's going to end up with Betty. So, Betty and Archie go to the diner alone. Out of the blue, someone passes them a RANSOM note. Neither know the man and he disappears before they can ask. The note is demanding $50 for the safe return of Veronica and Jughead. Archie checks his wallet - he's short (and not just because he's a little man). Betty and Archie run all over town scrambling to come up with the rest of the money, scared sick about their friends.

Meanwhile, Veronica and Jughead are sitting outside a diner across town with a sign for $25 blue plate specials, arguing that they should've asked for more because they might want extra syrup. Tummies grumbling and no sign of the money, they decide to give up and return home. By this time, Betty and Archie have mortgaged their bikes. But they're still so happy to have Veronica and Jughead back that they use the money to buy a round of waffles. Veronica and Jughead will never reveal their dark, dark secret. 

[ohmywordreview]

I ate a piece of PIZZA.

First thing I had all day.

I ate that whole dang pizza.

There's nothing more to say.

[ohmywordreview]

Quirkiest jobs in the world

I currently work a job that allows me to sleep in. It's glorious. But as I get older, I see people, although consistently more tired than I am, actually able to afford Anthropologie and Cape Cod summer homes. I'm still trying to convince myself that ripped jean cuffs are a good look and that it's not weird as a grown person to hang out at the playground because swings are free fun.

If I were to pursue a supplemental QUIRKY job, I suppose I'd quite enjoy being a corner scout (like a taste tester but for the other side of corners) or a moment maker (an awkward someone who briefly interacts with you and your date to give you a shared odd moment and something other than your mother to discuss). Really there are few things I can think of that wouldn't be a little bit fun. Eh, maybe I'd draw the line at traffic zebra.