[ohwellneverminddd]

wont be using this blog anymore as i cant rememeber the log in info and the phone i am logged into will no longer charge. if youd still like to follow me and my writing i will be turning my ghostlyfeelings blog into my go to.

[horrifying]

[ojibwa]

[primulaceas]

Ottessa Moshfegh, My Year of Rest and Relaxation

[ohwellneverminddd]

i cant forget what youve said and i long to be dead

[weltenwellen]

Martha Gellhorn, Selected Letters

[durianquotes]

“I watch him in the kitchen, and I think of how much it hurts to love somebody. How deep the hurt is, how almost unbearable. It’s not the love that hurts; it’s the possibility of anything happening to the object of your love.”

— Augusten Burroughs, Magical Thinking

[lifeinpoetry]

“I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know anything anymore.”

— Franz Wright, from a letter to Alfred A. Knopf (via violentwavesofemotion)

[thinwhitelies9]

[lifeinpoetry]

“The death / you owed me, I / carry it / out.”

— — Paul Celan, from “[Reflection-laden],” Breathturn into Timestead, tr. Pierre Joris

[ohwellneverminddd]

with a lump in my throat and sadness in my eyes i looked into his eyes and said "im sorry i just didnt plan to be here that long and then you came along and i shouldnt of dragged you into this" and in his tears i drowned and i know how this goes. it hurts to love me and it hurts to leave. i quietly whispered "you for me was the best of the best. its all i ever dreamed. but for you this isnt the end. you will find much brighter things out there. theres hope for you still." and his body began to shake and i knew i couldn't make him understand what i said and i know he doesnt see it coming but im tired of my mind hurting me all the time. im so tired of ruining everything i touch and he loves me too much to see it as such. ive been blessed to experience him and hes been hurt to love someone who's sick. you healed a part of me but theres parts that will always bleed and if i dont leave this earth then we'll keep slipping in this bloody mess and its too dark in my head and youre too good to be stuck with this burden and its not fair of me to hold you back from finding a love that doesnt make you think youre the problem. i knew since i was a child that i would die alone. i didnt mean it when i said i was made to love but never be loved in return. youre the only one who's made me feel truly loved. what i meant is that itll always hurt. thats how it goes. i have been the poison all along. you deserve to let me go.

[heavensghost]

I'm not looking for an answer

[perfectfeelings]

“I’ve been hurt more than I’ve been loved.”

—

[ohwellneverminddd]

oh i am getting so sick and tired of having bpd spirals. its fucking exhausting not being able to function like everyone else and not able to cope with things that are no big deal to other people and although ive never been happier or so loved i am sure that killing myself is the only solution to ending this pain for him and myself because he loves me too much to leave and even if he did leave id just want to die more so thats cool. im doomed. i will never be able to love and be loved without it feeling like a knife to my heart over and over and i just think im reaching a point where ive had enough yknow. i got to experience happiness and true love and best friends and memories. i think its my time to go soon so im gonna make peace with that

[100493503004422]

“I said to the sun, ‘Tell me about the big bang.’ The sun said, ‘it hurts to become.”

— Andrea Gibson, I Sing the Body Electric, Especially When My Power’s Out (via wordsnquotes)

[julienbakerfavormp3-deactivated]

Jenny Holzer, Laments: The Knife Cut Runs As Long…, 1988-9.

The knife cut runs as long as it wants. It is through my stomach. I keep looking at it. I have more colors than I would have thought. The hole is large enough for my head. The hole was big enough for their hands to move freely. They put their fingers in because they should not and because they do not get the chance every day.

[deadignoredead]

some of y’all need to learn more compassion for adults who are severely mentally ill or disabled… like schizophrenics who still depend on their family members and probably always will have to, autistic people who live in group homes, people with bipolar disorder who attend partial inpatient programs, etc…. people who couldn’t get college degrees, who can’t work. not everyone is like you.