Oh whimsical mama

Photos and short ramblings from a young stay at home mama from Christchurch, New Zealand.

[ohwhimsicalmama]

This week I have been planning, walking, shopping, eating pizza and making lists. Lots of lists. Christmas is such a hectic time, especially here where it coincides with the start of summer holidays, so it’s nice to feel at least a bit organised at this time of year. We have been working on our house a bit too, replacing things and doing lil jobs that we’ve been meaning to do forever. 

Today we bought a new toilet (that Chris installed by himself!) which was great because the old one was very old, quite broken and in desperate need of replacing. Living in an older house can be so tedious and I’m looking forward to living in a home made for the 21st century one day. We have some really REALLY exciting plans for next year - they’re not set in concrete yet though but I can’t wait to fill you in in the new year. 

 Tomorrow should be a nice day, we’re getting together and my nana’s old house (which my mum has decided to keep!) to have lunch and plant a rose in the garden in memory of Nan.

 Also I am very excited because I bought a thermomix (omg guys) and it’s arriving tomorrow! I am seriously so so so excited, if you don’t know what it is, please google it because uuunnf it’s amaze. I’m going to make all the things. 

Tonight we are babysitting my aunties kids, her huz has come back for the weekend to visit, so they’ve gone out to the cinema for the evening. Chris and I are waiting for the kids to fall asleep so we can watch Black Mirror. I think it’s a mini series? We watched the first episode of series 3 and it was so good so I can’t wait to watch the others! Wish me luck, the little one is very persistent when it comes to not sleeping!

[ohwhimsicalmama]

Hi friends! It’s been a while since I’ve written here but i’m glad to be back! This year has been so intense and so consuming that when it all came to an end, it was hard to find myself again. But i’m adjusting back to normal life and I feel so free. I wouldn’t take back any of it though. I have learned a lot and grown a lot and through all the stress and grief, I was better able to cope at the end. 

But now it feels good to breathe. To sleep. To do things that I enjoy. I’ve been writing again. I worked on a zine with a new friend.  I’ve started running. I have time to do my housework so that I am not folding laundry at 10pm. I’m learning how to be me again. Even more than that, I’m discovering new parts of myself that I didn’t know existed.

 I’m looking ahead to the future and I feel that somehow, 2016 will be different. We’re at a different place in our lives now and I’m enjoying it. Charlie is at kindergarten four days a week. Chris has a new job. A better job. And he really enjoys it. I want to study next year.  We’re making plans, starting new things and I’m just excited.

 Thank you to all my lovely friends here, I love you all so much and I miss being a part of this community. I’m looking forward to blogging more this year because I miss it! I hope you’re all living and loving well xx

[ohwhimsicalmama]

Lilies are white like angel wreathes, today we gather to wish you peace. candles are lit to honor your life, as you go gently into that good night

may your heart be calm, though still is your breath. may your mind be clear as your aching bones rest. you’ve sown a garden full of family and friends, whose love for you will never end

though you tend the garden no longer, our family will bloom both brighter and stronger. the seasons will pass, we’ll still stand tall, because of the love you showed to us all

Lilies are white like angel wreathes, today we gather to wish you peace. candles are lit to honor your life, as you go gently into that good night.

Last Monday, my nana passed away almost a year after she found out she had lung cancer. I wrote and read this poem at her memorial service on Sunday afternoon. It was a beautiful intimate service.

If you’ve been reading my blog you’ll know that i’ve spent the most part of this year caring for her in her home, and over the last three months, in the hospice/hospital. I want to thank you all for your support during this time. Seeing someone I love deteriorate before my eyes every day was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. However, one small blessing is that I did most of my grieving during her illness, so that when she died, I felt relief, and peace, that she was no longer suffering, as well as sadness.

This week has been very strange or dreamlike - I know she is dead but I still feel like I’ll see her next week. I guess the finality of death hasn’t quite sunk in yet. But I’m coping ok so far, I’ve been focusing on getting back to my new daily routine, and organising some study for next year. Higher education was really important to her so I know she’d be very happy to know that I was going to finish my degree

[ohwhimsicalmama]

life has been a blur this week. neither good nor bad but rather a monotonous string of days blending seamlessly into the next. i feel like i’m just going through the motions, unfocused and off balance. i’m not used to being busy or having outside obligations to meet. for the past two years i’ve lived a quiet simple life with charlie, detached from reality in our own little bubble. i suppose it’s good practice to be busy, even if it its overwhelming me right now. maybe i’ll look back on this and be thankful. i hope so anyway.

im not sure how much to write about my nana because i want to respect her privacy. she is in the hospital now but we visit her every day. even though she is in care, the hospital is busy so we try to be there as much as possible during the day. my auntie and I take turns going/looking after the children. last week I did mornings and this week i’m doing evenings. chris has been reading to her. I massage her feet. we try to look after her as best we can. during the day, i often have the children at my place, from about mid morning til early afternoon. kids crave routine though, no day is monotonous to them.

despite all this, i am trying my best to be present and positive. i’m trying to fight this ennui by allowing myself to be unreservedly happy in moments of joy. i’m trying to find humour in small things and allow myself to accept and give my love freely and authentically. i’m trying to let this experience teach me something so that when i finally grieve, I will be stronger and more able to cope.

so that’s my life lately, i have some things to write about charlie but i’ll make another post when i have time. i just felt like I should chat with you guys because it’s been a while. on the bright side the weather is warmer, the kids have been playing outside, and i’ve been working on my home and garden lately. i haven’t been opshopping a lot but I do have a couple to things to post soon! love you all with all my heart xx

[ohwhimsicalmama]

This weekend we went flower picking at hadstock farm, a daffodil farm which opens its fields to the public on the first weekend of spring. We had such a marvelous outing, spending the day in the countryside is so lovely.

[ohwhimsicalmama]

Charlie’s playlist - 02.09.15

blue ridge mountain - fleet foxes // for emma (a takeaway show version) - bon iver // all the tired horses - bob dylan // sunbeams and some beans - kimya dawson // i like bears - kimya dawson // little panda bear - kimya dawson // open - rhye // que linda manito - catalina sandino moreno (from paris je t'aime ost) // o children - nick cave and the bad seeds //

one of our favourite things to do together is listening to music. when we are home in the mornings, we throw open the curtains and jump on the bed to his favourite songs, singing and dancing til our lungs and legs hurt. he is so cool

[ohwhimsicalmama]

today I picked the little ones up from kindy and took them for a big walk around the forest/estuary. we had a busy afternoon jumping on treestumps and hunting for pinecones. nature is rad, yo.

[ohwhimsicalmama]

Beginnings and new adventures at kindergarten!!! little man settled in quicker than I thought today, hurriedly waving goodbye to me as soon as we arrived. I was going to hang around for a bit but after I helped him put his coat on the hook, he darted away to one of the activity areas and immediately immersed himself in play.

he looked up at me and said ‘you can go now mummy, I stay here, I be ok’ It was such a bittersweet moment, on one hand I was overjoyed with pride and excitement by his confidence, and absolutely swooning at the way he very thoughtfully reassured me that he would ‘be ok’ (omg guys he is the sweetest!) … but all at once I also felt overcome by a sort of happy sadness that he’s growing up and becoming such a wonderful independent little person.

today was my first experience with letting go and allowing him space and freedom to be his own person. of course he is still only three and not ready to leave the nest yet… however today I made a point to silently acknowledge and validate his budding independence by following his lead. I gave him a kiss goodbye and wished him a lovely happy first day at 'school'.

at 11.30am I arrived to pick him up and I came in to find him happily chatting with the kids at the play dough table. any worries that had crossed my mind during the morning completely disappeared. here was my tiny human. socializing and learning and playing with other tiny humans, and enjoying himself so much. I’m so happy. Despite the chaos going on around me, I feel so joyful and fulfilled. I love being a parent. I love being a mother. Every day is filled with so much love and happiness. Oh, life, you are beautiful.

[ohwhimsicalmama]

So this happened today! I took Charlie to visit the local kindergarten and by the end of the visit, I had enrolled him to start the following day (tomorrow!!!) I've just spent the last hour labeling all his gear and packing his bag so we don't forget anything in the morning! I can't believe it really but it's time. he is so ready to start this new journey and I am anxious but happily excited to help him on his way! his days are mon, tues and weds mornings, and we will build those days up to full days as they become available. Can you guys believe it, though???? My little Charlie is three years old and starting kindy tomorrow. what is life, I love it so <3

[ohwhimsicalmama]

I really love these photos and I love them even more side by side because you can really see how much I have grown into myself, both as a mother and a person. The first photo represents that disjointed newness of becoming a parent. I was happy, full of love - but also full of worry, fear. Though the transition to motherhood came fairly easy to me, I was still rigid, clumsy and unsure of myself. As we became more in tune with each other, we became more comfortable, more relaxed and more able to just be.

[ohwhimsicalmama]

❤💙💚💛💜❤

i love you tho, thank you xxxxxxx

[ohwhimsicalmama]

last week my little love turned three 💕

[ohwhimsicalmama]

toilet

day one was horrible. poop everywhere. wee all over the floor. we burned through 2 packs of undies in less than an hour. by 6pm i was so glad to change him back into a nappy for the night.

still overwhelmed by day one, he spent most of day two in nappies.

day three. ready to try again. decided to just jump into the deep end and do it. wees on the potty and dry undies all morning! yay! 4 pairs of wet ones in the afternoon but dry all morning! progress.

day four. dry all morning, wet in the afternoon. i sense a pattern. also he waited until i put on his night nap to poop.

day five. day at home = succesful day apart pooping. i thought he did one on the potty but he later informed me that he did it on the floor and put it in there with his hands. kids are yuck. at least he asked to wash his hands.

day six. today he did a monsterous poo in his undies. we are still learning.

[ohwhimsicalmama]

charlie’s playlist - 29.07.15

for emma (acapella) - bon iver //god has a voice - cocorosie // fairy paradise - cocorosie //no diggity - chet faker// talk is cheap - chet faker // gold - chet faker// home - edward sharpe and the (…) // hide and seek - imogen heap //soap - melanie martinez //

[ohwhimsicalmama]

snapchats from last night avec le husby (is it weird that it really bothers me when i write le husby instead of l'husby but i do it anyway because ‘le husby’ is the cutest name everrr?) i don’t really get snapchat but sometimes taking dumb pictures together is just so enjoyable. he is so rad ✌

[ohwhimsicalmama]

my dearest friends, thank you so much for your replies on my post the other night. i’m very sensitive and very stoic and sometimes i just get so overwhelmed by challenges and i just feel so alone. i’m feeling much better this week, even though every day is a mixture of highs and lows. i’ve been wearing this little yellow hairbow I made last week to remind me to smile!

[ohwhimsicalmama]

oh july, you have been beautiful