What if, after the curse was broken, the kings regained their human form, but whenever they got mean they turned into plants?
The Two Princes Discord likes to refer to the old kings as “The Bastard Kings” WBK = Western Bastard King, EBK = Eastern Bastard King.
I feel like they'd just constantly be plants
I wonder if Rupert would carry his plant-dad around hoping to rehabilitate him
Rupert's always so optimistic
And all his life he's been imagining his dad as this great guy - I don't think he would give up on that so easily
They'd meet a new person, Rupert holds up a potted daffodil: "This is my dad, he's not always a plant but generally he is because he doesn't know how to be nice yet, but we're working on it."
He points to a potted daisy: "And that's Amir's dad, we're running into the same problem with him, but Amir and Atossa don't seem as keen on trying to help him so I've taken it upon myself to help him too. This is part of his rehabilitation, they've gotta be nice to new people. Say hi, dads!"
The plants start shaking their leaves and a muffled grumbling seems to echo from them.
Rupert, grinning: that's so much better guys! You're going to be back to having fingers and toes again in no time!
They sit in a preschool classroom where the kids are learning to share and play nicely with each other
Rupert goes back to his and Amir's chambers one night all mopey and Amir asks what's wrong and Rupert mutters something about how WBK got turned into a plant again after telling one of the girls that he didn't like her pigtails and making her cry, and then EBK also got turned into one because he was laughing
And they had been doing so well!
Sure, WBK's compliments had been passive aggressive at best, but he was trying!
And sure, EBK would just add the word "don't" to all his sentences like "I don't want to strangle you right now" when you could tell he really did want to.
But there was PROGRESS there!
Rupert's so proud that they're attempting at all
Rupert constantly has to try to keep Lavinia from planting WBK in some random spot in the woods
Atossa just keeps EBK in a closet for like a week until Rupert finds out.
Rupert can't find them one day and he's like Moooooms?
And they look all guilty and are hiding garden trowels behind their backs.
Amir, trying to be a good husband, walks up the hall behind them with two plants clutched by their stems, dropping dirt everywhere with roots kicking all over the place and the plants making vaguely threatening noises and just shoves the two plants roughly into some pots while he himself is grumbling about how they're more trouble than they're worth.
He knows it's Rupert's pet project and wants to be supportive
Rupert's off to the side berating their mothers for not helping them progress
Talking about leading by example
But at the same time he's not too upset with them because he knew they weren't treated the best by their husbands.
Yah no. He's like I get it, but maybe just leave them alone?
Also, they're obviously super opposed to the boys' relationship, and they mostly just see Rupert but not the two of them together, but then some days they both come into the preschool class to read to the kids and they an see how in love they are with each other.
At first they're totally in denial, but slowly grow to accept it.
Their grumbling on that topic gets to be less and less
They never admit that they accept it
They still grumble occasionally but usually something along the lines of "he shouldn't have gotten you flowers, those are useless, he should've gotten you a sword then you could learn to defend yourself!"
I love that. That honestly makes me smile so big
And you can't tell me that they didn't spend 18 years together as a single tree and not become begrudging best friends.
They're super sarcastic and snarky with each other, but they know each other so well.
They're constantly seen together when in human form and they're always grumbling but they're both insanely proud of their sons even if they won't say it out loud and it's one of the few things they can agree on.
They always get turned back into plants together when one does something mean and poof! And then the other delights in the first's distress - poof!
Then the one who got turned into a plant first laughs at the second.
And cue more sarcastic bickering.
One of the knights will find them in the middle of the hallway as plants just laughing at each other and then sigh before picking them up and depositing them with Rupert who takes them back to the preschool class.
EBK starts to really see how kind Rupert is, he says something about it to WBK in a rare moment of sincerity.
WBK grumbles that he should be strong and tough instead.
But for the kindness, EBK poofs back into a human while plant!WBK sits there and stews
But then like an hour later (EBK has long since walked off) WBK silently turns back into a human (because he realized he was grateful for Rupert's kindness as well)
Of course it doesn't last and they're back in their pots by the end of the day. But it was REAL progress!
Rupert tries to figure out what made them go back to human but neither of them want to admit it.
They just blush and change the subject.
I love the idea of them just randomly turning into plants because they had a mean thought or something. (Like a real mean thought - not an intrusive one)
Like, it just appears super random to the people around, but everyone is used to it by now.
"Where'd that plant come from?" "oh, it's just one of the former kings. Don't worry about it, it happens all the time."
Everyone just pulls pots from their sleeves and scoops them up.
It's become common for everyone to carry around flower pots all the time
The first time Rupert has the plants, he's carrying around the kings in plant form and reprimanding them and everyone is super confused and they think Rupert has lost it, but eventually they don't even give him a second glance when it happens.
People turning to do a double take and running into each other, progresses to everyone carrying flower pots and knowing how to talk them through different breathing exercises.
Sometimes the queens will just carry them around by their stems and it's the equivalent of carrying an animal by its scruff and it's utterly humiliating for them.
They get all uppity about their petals being ruffled
They constantly have competitions over who makes the prettier plant.
They get super angry as plants and just start shaking and some of their petals/leaves fall off.
They're like "Oh no! look what you made me do!" But getting mad at the other one just makes it worse
So then they're like "Okay, deep breaths… what did Rupert say? In through the nose two three four, out through the mouth two three four."
Then the other's like making fun of them for trying to calm themselves down, but one of his leaves turns yellow and he's hyperventilating.
The queens stopped taking them to the compost heap or putting them in the closet. But now they'll go plant them in a flower bed with a bunch of the same type of flowers so it's hard to find them.
They spend a whole two days there once and they get some good meditation time in.
Rupert spend at least an hour trying to find them because Lavinia won't tell him where she planted them because "they'll turn human again eventually"
Omg. WBK walks in after being missing for a few days and just wordlessly hugs Rupert
Omg yes. And Rupert is confused but hugs back anyway.
Lavinia's all like "I told you." but she's actually softened by the display.
Rupert: Okay Dad, think of something nice to say to Dad.
EBK: I'm not your father!
Rupert: Oh honey, you were at the wedding. I don't know what else to tell you, but I'm your son now.
WBK. You're no son of mine either!
Rupert: sigh Dad, do we really need to go over this again? Now, there's lots of other ways to go about this, but in your case: when two people love each other very much, and one of those people happens to have a uterus, and the other…
Both Bastard Kings: NOOOO! Not again! Wait! Uh, your leaves are looking very nice today! Very green! Please make him stop!
Did someone say "bastard plants on roller skates?"
Porridge you sneaky sneak!
He found them sitting in the hallway and sent them off on an adventure.
Porridge what have you done!
(art by @oftheflamingheart)
WBK: I bet my mulch I go farther than you!
EBK: You’re on!
@cloudcover23 @fwufferson @nyx-dragon @spoopdeedoop @oftheflamingheart
