https://www.tumblr.com/okaystaco/809870569777594368/hello-i-followed-all-the-rules-correctly-my-name?source=share
Hi, sorry for the delay. I had already read the reading you did, but I only managed to write the feedback now during this small free moment. First of all, thank you.
I’ll end up using this feedback as a way to vent, so please forgive me. I’ve never really talked about this situation before because I didn’t have anyone who would truly listen and understand.
Helena was my world. I would have done the possible and the impossible for her. You know, I’ve had friendships that lasted more than 10 years, and when they ended I didn’t cry and it didn’t hurt that much. But with Helena it hurt deeply. Maybe because it happened at a time when I was already not doing well. She was the friend I had been asking God for. Our ideas matched so much. She was the friend I had always wanted.
We met at school. She was new in my class, she had just moved, and I quickly went to talk to her. I was so happy. There were moments at the beginning when our friendship felt a bit unbalanced, but with time she became what I could call home and a sister. I couldn’t imagine my life without her by my side. All my achievements had to include her. I wanted to protect and take care of her. Even though I don’t know how to express my feelings very well, I valued our friendship deeply. I felt like I could truly be myself around her.
Unfortunately, last year in September everything came to an end. It was very painful, and the way our friendship ended was the worst possible, with everyone watching and feeling the heavy atmosphere between us. The feeling of her ignoring me and pretending I didn’t exist made it feel like my world was collapsing. Honestly, I just wanted to cry and disappear, but I had to hold myself together and be strong. Even when I tried to reach out, she ignored me, so I let her go.
I confess that I still miss her, especially because I see her almost every day. We are moving into adulthood now, almost finishing high school, and it hurts to know that she won’t be part of this new stage of my life, and I won’t be part of hers. If I could go back in time, I would have asked for help and talked more. I was never able to open up about my feelings because I thought it would sound like victimizing myself, and little by little depression started to consume me, so I distanced myself. But since she had done that once before, I thought that just like I understood her, she would understand me.
I feel guilty. I am someone who truly cares about friendships. I often cry and get emotional because of my friends. Friendship is one of my biggest priorities, so losing my best friend felt like losing a part of myself. I hope she is doing well, and that her new friendships are good for her, maybe in a way that I wasn’t. I feel happy knowing that my friendship gave her strength, even if she didn’t recognize it much. And I’m also glad that she might miss me in some way, because it makes me feel like I wasn’t completely forgotten. Even though it might sound selfish, this maternal feeling makes sense because even though she was older than me, to me she was sometimes like a little child who needed care and love.
I don’t really know what to write in this feedback. I’ve been feeling confused and sad about many things. The feeling of guilt has been haunting me lately, not only because of my former best friend but because of other situations too. Regarding your reading, it made a lot of sense. Knowing Helena the way I did, she was really the type of person who didn’t like to admit things. I remember she rarely admitted missing people. In all our fights, I was always the one who went after her. She would pretend I didn’t exist. But this time I didn’t run after her and simply left things behind. And now it’s almost been a year since we last spoke.
I’m happy that in some way I was a foundation for her, but I wish she had been my foundation when I was falling apart.
Thank you again for reading for me. I’m sorry for this messy text. It’s afternoon here and I’m sleepy, but I took the time to write this feedback first. Thank you very much, and have a good day or night. 🫶
Ohhh 😭 I am giving you a biiiig hug 💓💓💓 I completely understand how you're feeling. It's important to process the hurt, evaluate why it ended, and realising you're your ultimate fulfillment. People like Helena are only catalyst for you to learn lessons (maybe choose yourself?) ... My only suggestion for you will be to not hold onto things when you see it's starting to not work anymore (you seem intuitive and i feel you pick up on signs before there's proper evidence)
This way the bridge won't burn the way it did. Sure there will be slight emotional distance but you can always detach and be nonchalant about it and use the time to love something else. This way, people like Helena a) don't feel pressured too much b) likely undergoing their own issues and may not realise you're feeling this way.
Additionally, considering scenario B, when people like Helena are already having their own things to deal with, your intentions (as pure as it can be) creates resentment due to the burden they feel. From their perspective, why do they have to be responsible for your emotions or lack of regulation or even assumptions?
Not saying you're at fault. But that's just how life is. We are here as spiritual beings in human bodies to serve our higher purpose. Do not get distracted by worldly experiences. It's happening FOR YOU!
Ps. Feel free to vent in my ask box anytime. 🫶