Jimmy Eat World
PR's Tumblrdome
macklin celebrini has autism
Game of Thrones Daily
Mike Driver
d e v o n
cherry valley forever
Kiana Khansmith
tumblr dot com
Cosimo Galluzzi
untitled
KIROKAZE
Cookie Run:Kingdom Official!
gracie abrams
titsay
Fieri Frames
Fai_Ryy
No title available
Love Begins
Today's Document
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Pakistan
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Türkiye
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Ireland
seen from Spain
seen from Indonesia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from France
seen from United States
seen from Venezuela
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Iraq
seen from Mexico
seen from Uruguay
seen from United States
@okcalyxrereadshomestuck
Your name is CALYX LASTNAME. Though it was eleven years ago that you read HOMESTUCK, it is today that you REVISIT it. You vaguely know that there is SOMETHING ongoing but that is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You are a big fan of METANARRATIVES and enjoy THINKING TOO MUCH about things that DON'T PARTICULARLY MATTER. You are also EXPERIMENTING with tumblr's QUEUE FUNCTIONALITY.
>Calyx: Start reading
Jade: Wonder why the design on your shirt changed.
There isn't much to wonder, really. You left the WARDROBIFIER on its randomization setting.
the 'wardrobifier'. again with either the homestuck world or jade specifically being weird as hell, but used exclusively for the powers of Lol So Silly
also, of interest how John wears green and Jade wears blue! foreshadowing that they are siblings. when i first read this, i thought it was foreshadowing a romantic angle. whoops! I like them being siblings WAY better
love that we went from "uhhh yeah john put a random hammer in his strife specibus. guess that's permanent." to "rose thought about it and put her knitting needles in her strife specibus" to "oh hell yeah dude, Dave has a goddamn katana. fuck yeah. he's sooooo cool" to "yeah. Jade has several guns. pretty quirky, right?"
You equip your trusty HUNTING RIFLE. There would be hell to pay if grandad caught you leaving the house without it.
again, her realtionship with Grandpa is SO FUCKED and he isn't even alive?????????
You are an avid follower of CARTOON SHOWS OF CONSIDERABLE NOSTALGIC APPEAL. You have a profound zeal for marvelous and fantastical FAUNA OF AN ANTHROPOMORPHOLOGICAL PERSUASION. You have an uncanny knack for NUCLEAR PHYSICS, and not infrequently can be found dabbling in RATHER ADVANCED GADGETRY. You enjoy sporadic fits of NARCOLEPSY; your love of GARDENING transcends the glass confines of your ATRIUM; and you are at times prone to patterns of PRECOGNITIVE PROGNOSTICATION.
OK so.
Squiddles is a 'nostalgic cartoon'. I'm slotting it in as like, care bears core. something that may have had an actual plot and characters, but mostly survives as pure imagery and aesthetics.
Jade likes anthro art. cool foreshadowing. also. that fucking poster. of the fox witch. c'mon now. also Dave is such a supportive friend lol
btw wtf is up with 'breed slime ghost'???? is this a video game? does John play this game? does john know it exists???
Jade is good at nuclear physics and "dabbles" in "advanced gadgetry" but don't worry about that it's sandwiched right in the middle of all her crazy other stuff. it's not silly enough so we can't dwell on this
also the fucking phrasing on "You enjoy sporadic fits of narcolepsy" like the kid potentially having some flavor of neurological condition that at best leaves her vulnerable to falling asleep in a moment where she could come to harm, and at worst might be indicative of a more severe underlying issue. you enjoy sporadic fits of narcolepsy 👍. very much like how i enjoy telling people that raw flour is an important source of E. Coli in the modern American diet
but more important: she likes gardening. like SO MUCH
oh and also she's psychic.
Additional telltale signs of your enthusiasm for NOSTALGIC TELEVISION mingle with your assortment of GAME HUNTING FIREARMS. You are a SKILLED MARKSWOMAN, though your cross-hairs would never settle on an innocent creature, ANTHROPOMORPHICALLY PERSUADED OR OTHERWISE. Your worktable is littered with equipment to facilitate your tinkering. For you, experimentation is not a particularly exact science, and you lean heavily on SHARP INTUITION for consistently and eerily optimal results. Nevertheless, you have still not been able to get that broad, flat gizmo there to work, which is a design you have borrowed from one of your GRANDPA'S more mysterious inventions. You are a great admirer of his, and you are not alone. Your grandfather is a WORLD RENOWNED EXPLORER-NATURALIST-TREASURE HUNTER-ARCHEOLOGIST-SCIENTIST-ADVENTURER-BIG GAME HUNTER-BILLIONAIRE EXTRAORDINAIRE. He has taught you everything you know. But in spite of all his lessons, it is still difficult to escape his stern lectures when you are on the way out of the house to run your errands. He spends most of his time in the GRAND FOYER, stewing in his own intensity and charisma.
oh yeah jade just has a pile of guns right next to her bed and knows how to use them but she's SO SILLY and LIKES ANIMALS (haha furry)
ok we're touching on how she works with "advanced gadgetry" but NEVERMIND the raw chunks of uranium on her desk right next to her bed she mostly uses her presumed PSYCHIC POWERS to just fiddle with technology all silly-like until it works. how silly and unserious!
she seems to have one of those windows that Rose's grimoire, which apparently has something to do with Grandpa. which. is something. BUT Jade's silly psychic tinkering hasn't made it work oh welllll.
I wonder if the world knows that Grandpa is dead, or just that he hasn't been seen in several years? also, 'billionaire'? ugh. eat the rich.
no but seriously. half of those titles add up to grave robber. and 'naturalist' and 'big game hunter' are pretty directly conflicting.
it's pretty well established, i think, that Mom and Bro are meant to be basically the worst possible versions of Roxy and Dirk, but tbh I think Grandpa and Nanna are no exceptions to this rule. Like. Grandpa is practically a caricature of a two-dimensional terrible rich guy, but Nanna is fairly subtle in her techniques to 'locate wound > rub salt therein'. I wonder if Dadbert's flagrant "LOVE YOU SON I AM SO SO SO PROUD LET ME SUPPORT YOUR INTERESTS" is an attempt to be a better parent than he had
woah she can teleport how QUIRKY and UNSERIOUS
Let's NOT dwell on any potential implications!
...
ok but seriously, another indication of Medium(?) technology existing in the 'real' world, foreshadowing that the events of Homestuck are inherent to this Earth, and her end today was always as inevitable as her start
or maybe we're meant to take this as a side effect of the Frog Temple that grew here millennia ago. We've only seen this kind of technology in the Bottle Temple with the Mayo(r) before, so presumably it's also in the frog temple.
Are we to assume that Jade's Grandpa (who we don't know is dead yet) has been reverse-engineering the game-world technology? or that homestuck-earth is just that wildly different from ours?
NOT what an apple tree looks like
NOT a lime tree either
NOT what that is!
that ☝️ is a palm
Jade why the fuck are you not harvesting DATES or COCONUTS from all these FUCKIGN PALMS
again presenting Jade as a kind of silly and unserious
I think it's interesting how Homestuck often uses this kind of framing so you don't think too hard on certain things.
We sandwich Dave's Strife with Bro in between the other kids' strifes, which are just shy of playing. Dave is constantly calling Bro super duper cool cool cool. the strife takes place over time, cut while other stuff is happening that we kind of need to focus on more.
At this point in time, we aren't meant to take the strife seriously, so we can come back to it later and experience the rug pull of how all of this was directly in front of us, and we ignored it. Dave was abused directly in front of us and we laughed along.
and now,
Jade is soo silly and unserious and goofy, and she lives in a silly house and plays with guns with her god-dog and her whooooole life is an adventure, and she has all these silly mysterious powers maybe. Gosh she's just so silly she keeps doing random stuff and falling asleep everywhere and getting confused
pay no mind to what you see directly in front of you. in fact, you should laugh along
hi jade!!!!!!
A silly girl naps by her flowers. It is quite likely that she tired herself out with a variety of silly antics, as silly girls are often known to do. She may have a silly name too. Or maybe not. It is hard to say for sure without asking her. But since she's slumbering peacefully, it would be a shame to wake her up. You might as well just give her a name right now.
interesting how we are handed a predisposition to view her so shallowly
ajajksajafjdaaj Hello Farmstink i mean
but yeah the narrative is pretty fucking unfair to Jade, what's up with that?
YOU
WHO ARE YOU
WHO WIELDS THIS HAND????
and again, showing Jade as having crazy powers. how did she know this?
like actually. how the fuck did she know this?
Dear John, You are no doubt reading this as a handsome and strapping young man! Why, the mangrit needed to lift the book is itself a sign of your maturity, not even to speak of the wisdom needed to grasp the nuance of Sassacre's time-tested mischief. I am so proud of you, grandson! How I wish I could have delivered this heirloom to you in the flesh. But I am afraid it wasn't in the cards! For you see, John, like you, this book must yet take a journey! Its journey will end on the Final Day of my life, and even then will continue some. Though I suppose that will be up to your Father. Perhaps he will discuss it with you one day, when he and you are ready. But it is your journey I am writing about to wish you luck! There will come a day when you will be thrust into another world. And once you arrive, that is only the beginning! You will soon delve even deeper into a realm of Warring Royalty in a Timeless Expanse. A realm of Agents and Exiles and Consorts and Kernelsprites. Of toiling Underlings and slumbering Denizens. A realm where four will gather, the Heir of Breath and Seer of Light, the Knight of Time and Witch of Space, and together they will Ascend. John, if only you knew how important you were! I regret my passing came so early in your life. And yet I feel in my heart we have already met. But what I know for sure is that we will meet again! Until then, John, I do hope your Father keeps you well fed! With love, Nanna PS. HOO HOO HOO!
the fact that this letter is shown to us on the ancient sassacre text, which has ALREADY killed her
not sure why Father is underlined the same way as all the other game elements... and Sassacre
and the fact that you and i know that this was written by Nannasprite and sent back in time to kill her, and she knows for a fact that John will not be reading this until after he has spoken to Dadbert for the last time, has already Entered, and yet she writes:
Perhaps he WILL discuss it with you one day, when he and you are ready.
she already knows he has not
There WILL come a day when you will be thrust into another world.
which has already come to pass
And yet I feel in my heart we have already met. But what I know for sure is that we will meet again!
yeah no fucking shit Nanna
I know she's like. kinda possessed by game mechanics. but some of this just feels cruel, like salt into wounds
also we get confirmed titles!
Heir of Breath, Seer of Light, Knight of Time, Witch of Space
in retrospect, that's in Entrance order
but when i first read that i was 100% convinced Rose was the Witch and Jade was the Seer
I forget how i deduced John was BreathHeir and Dave was TimeKnight, but i suppose John has more floppy inheritor vibes (it's even a birthday! birthdays are a big deal to heirs!), and Dave has a sword and bothers his friends 'like clockwork'
still on about, WV: Ascend.
and there's John's... Temple? i'm going to call these structures Temples.
The tree and the apple, the original sin, the shit that kickstarted all the rest of this fucking malarkey
and the place PM is headed. Which means she'll be chatting with Jade, when the time comes
"years in the past, but not many" and then "not many" EMPHATICALLY crossed out
the temple grows
this shit was old when life was new. circling back around to the inevitability of the game
Didn't snag a screenshot but GOD mom lalonde is so ominous here. She's CLEARLY affiliated(?) with Skaianet, and the fact that there's a secret tunnel underneath the meowsaleum??????
AND the fact that she's just watching with a martini while her 13 year old daughter goes out and has flaming trees falling at her
Girl what are you DOING
having a mental breakdown bc you kinda know that you die today i guess fine
anyways, Dadbert breaking free from the trick cuffs and wreaking vengeance on these imps. hell yeah.
also: cake count: 5
I can only assume that Dadbert's strife specibus is cakekind
maybe it's the lesbian in me, but i really fuckin love pink and orange as a color scheme
no wait i can shitpost harder than that
Here's a lesbian flag that i colorpicked from this image
there we go that's shitty enough for me
annnnd WV arrives at the frog temple
alright, WV: Ascend. there's a lot here
First of all
the fact that the... temple? that WV enters to interact with John is the one that sprung from the meteor that hits Rose's house, mirroring that Rose is John's server player
also the fact that the temple is a bottle, what Rose has to break in order to Enter
Once we get Jade in here I'm going to make a whole post chewing on their respective entries, bc there's a lot there
interesting to me that Rose broke her bottle, like a ship launching ceremony or breaking the glass at a Jewish wedding, but now for WV, it's a cork popping. I wonder if the key to Entry was simply "open this bottle by any means necessary" or if Rose did specifically have to smash it, and what it means that the broken bottle's cork still pops. is there a specific thing that must be done for Entry, or is it more of a personality test "here's a prop, do something with it."
Rose mentions in the walkthrough that one of her guides received an "eggy loking thang." indicating that that character was also a time player?
also, we only follow the kids' session, and they're the ones who ruined the troll's victory, but i don't think there was any real confirmation that every single other session on all of earth failed. They just weren't connected to this one, so, the second everyone's in The Medium they might as well not exist bc they're in a different The Medium. in theory.
You attempt the rare and highly dangerous 5X CLIFFHANGER COMBO, and fail. We are doing it, man. We are making this happen.
oh yeah that dude can Ascend all right
Serenity blinks a message in morse code: 'Let's go!!!'
oh THANK GOD the alt text has translations
can't imagine this will have AAANY implications for the future of the plot, nosir
she's free!
and now soon i may have to find a morse code translator iirc
ugh
You will give her a name when something suitably whimsical occurs to you.
the next page:
SERENITY
Does this machine look like a DEAPPEARIFIER to you?? Honestly, the idea that an APPEARIFIER could both APPEARIFY and DEAPPEARIFY things is so laughably ridiculous, you would wish someone would DEAPPEARIFY your brain and REAPPEARIFY it with a brain that is more smart and less dumb.
ahhh yes, explaining world mechanics by insulting the reader for thinking things could work that way
ah, introducing Appearification, and retroactively explaining the ongoing 'what pumpkin?' gag