TYPICAL

Idek what I’m doing but I hope you like it.

[okpickledemon]

"sleep is for the weak" no, sleep is for people with time management skills

[okpickledemon]

Was in a bad mood, watched Cruella, feeling good.

[okpickledemon]

Y'all ever take like 5 years to realise why you always feel like shit, but one day you finally realise what it is all at once and it just hits you like the earth would hit you if you fell out of a helicopter without a parachute? Cuz

[writing-prompt-s]

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

[endreams-s]

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

[honeypressed]

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

[moonreflectioninthefragglepond]

A++ addition

[tetsuskitten]

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

[tigerliliesandcherryblossoms]

I LOVE THIS

[vmohlere]

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

[laziestofthedreamers]

I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.

Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.

So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.

[pamgkrthwrites]

Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal. 

“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”

Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”

[ladyhavilliard]

…perfect

[outerspacekake]

I don’t like actual murder mysteries, but this is perfect

[yourpotatotwiceremooved]

THE ORIGINAL POST HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY

[serpant-of-heaven-deactivated20]

Oh my god I would watch/read the hell out of this shit

[okpickledemon]

Someone could totally make a career just writing all these Tumblr inspired stories. Then, instead of those summaries you read on the back, they just put the original post it was inspired by? I would read all of them religiously.

[okpickledemon]

Goddamn it rigor mortis I don't want your free samples

[okpickledemon]

Being physically unable to read books because I'm stuck on fanfiction is 80% of my personality and hating math is the other 10

[okpickledemon]

Me, wiping my fingers on the inside of my sock to avoid getting cheeto dust on the rest of my clothes:

The cheeto dust: *bleeds through my sock and falls into my shoes*

Me: ಠ_ಠ

[okpickledemon]

Putting frozen strawberries in your strawberry lemonade instead of ice: a god tier move, I can't believe I only thought of it now

[okpickledemon]

Just something I though about recently-

So y'all know how Morgana's terrified of Emrys because he's prophecized to be her downfall? What if he already was? What if her downfall was not referring to her death, but referring to her betraying her morals and the people who care about her? Which merlin caused by mistrusting her, keeping secrets, and poisoning her? I mean it's not like you get a notification every time a prophecy is fulfilled. It could have been that and she wouldn't have known it, she could have been afraid of him for nothing.

[okpickledemon]

Me: *does something embarrassing*

Me: "Sorry, I'm not the brightest tool in the shed"

[okpickledemon]

I eagerly await the day when I will walk into the fire and find this abomination waiting on a rack for me to torture with the same tedious brutality with which he has treated me. How do you like my first attempt at embroidery?

[okpickledemon]

So I’m in a group chat

Friend 1: “I’ve dug myself into a deep hole” Friend 2: “I’ll throw you a shovel”

[okpickledemon]

Me: I want to light a Molotov cocktail and toss it into an old car. Me: *angrily opens a can of beans and cooks it for lunch with contempt*

[okpickledemon]

Shoes are hard-shell foot-tacos, and socks are soft-shell.

[okpickledemon]

is cracking your knuckles is the sign language equivalent to clearing your throat.

[goawfma]

these are the best names

[okpickledemon]

There cats are perfect I want them all

[okpickledemon]

Fall Out Boy in their song Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes: “Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedies” Panic! at the Disco: bitch, I Write Sins Not Tragedies.