Ask Tycho Brahe

Writer. Dungeon Master. Giraffe enthusiast. Feel free to ask me anything. ((Fan-run ask account of Penny-Arcade.com character Tycho Brahe. This is in no way affiliated with Penny-Arcade.com, or its creators, and is purely for entertainment purposes.))

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Why doesn't Strong Bad answer asks anymore? Do you think he went back to checking his email?

He probably doesn't get any questions because he's a stupid fucker and no one likes him.

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I talked it over with Charles and we both agree next Saturday would be lovely for an evening of puppy play. Bring the leash and collar~

Charles doesn't even like puppy pla--

Wait.

I mean get out.

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((God I really miss when missing e. would fucking work and I could queue up answers instead of having to respond all at once. Blarugh.))

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haaaaaaaaay~ best position? best EQUIPMENT?                                                                             nyaa baibai~

I'm a fan of the classics, of course-- missionary, doggie style. They get the job done, you know? But I guess I prefer to be on my back and have her do... you know, whatever. I probably shouldn't be talking about sex with my wife on a public forum. That's not a good idea. I am really bad at differentiating between good and bad ideas but this sticks out to me.

Equipment? You mean like toys and shit? Not too big on those. Handcuffs and blindfolds are fun.

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What do you think you would look like with a mustache? Have you tried it?

Eugh. Probably like my father. No, I don't think that's a good idea.

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Have you and Gabe ever had a peeing contest?

... no.

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Tycho, were there any close calls when you thought you were about to die?

Not really? I mean my life isn't exactly dangerous, you know.

Though when I lived with Gabriel there was a sense of unease that would overcome me when he was in a particularly bad mood. Like, if I put the milk away and the label wasn't facing forward? You could feel his anger emanating from the other side of the table.

After a while I started doing that shit on purpose. That's the point of living with your best friend-- get under their skin as much as possible.

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do you ever just look at yourself in the mirror and go yeah...i'd tap that

Uh.

No.

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Are you a natural...blonde? Brunette? I can't tell. The dark roots are kind of misleading.

Blond?

Blond.

No, I'm not blond. I'm a natural brunet. And... I'm not sure why my hair is darker in the back. It's always been like that. My father's hair was the same way. Some sort of genetic mutation, perhaps?

Hm.

Maybe I need to test this.

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Tychosexual’s commission! She wanted a full color portrait of her favorite character from Penny Arcade, Rainslick Precipice style.

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I'm dapper as fuck.

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how does the laundry usually get done over there? You...you do wash your clothes, right?

Of course I wash my clothes.

And-- eugh-- Gabriel's. He only has the one set, through. He tries to make it 'last'.

I'm not honestly sure what's worse. The smell after weeks of use, or him traipsing around the agency naked.

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Tycho, did you have any other ambitions in life other than forming the Startling Developments Detective Agency?

I have many ambitions. my dear! My current goals don't overlap with some things, it's true.

I love my academic work, I do, but I think it would have been nice to write a novel or something, you know? Create something, rather than analyze existing texts. But I simply don't have the time.

I think I would have liked being a father, but it's much too late for that now.

It really doesn't matter what I want, in all honesty. I have things to do.

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How did you and Gabriel meet, exactly?

It's a very boring story that's not really worth telling.

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Did you ever use Gabriel as a Human-Shield? He seems useful...

That is Gabriel's job description. And honestly, at first I felt bad about it.

But he likes it, so, you know, whatever. He's not going to turn down an opportunity to punch some monsters, and if defending me grants that opportunity (which it most certainly does) then he's all for it.

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Why won't Charles stay dead?

Well, I think he might be dead? We sort of left him in that collapsing building. That happened.

I feel sort of bad about it, honestly. We might have been at odds but we were associates, once.

Until he started acting like a total dick.

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do you enjoy having sex with dragons sir

I've never tried.

But it is an intriguing idea...

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h ow high can you count ☻ thank

Pretty fucking high.

I mean, I know about numbers you can't even fathom. Evernumbers, Undernumbers. Dark Numbers.

These numbers haunt me, sometimes.