I clean up roadkill as my day job. Not glorious, but it's something that needs doing, especially since we live near a pretty busy highway that sees a lot of wildlife traffic.
It's grisly work, but I've never really had much of a sense of smell thanks to some medical problems, and honestly, it's not so bad once you get used to it. The county pays me well enough.
As you'd imagine, my dating life is basically nonexistent. Living out in the middle of nowhere with a beat-up old truck with weird red stains on it doesn't exactly scream "Hey, I'm not a serial killer!" to potential dates.
Still, I'm not exactly lonely. I set up feeding spots for some of the local wildlife, nothing crazy. A bird feeder here, a less secure bird feeder there for all the local squirrels, including one particularly fat one I named Chunky, along with some... less conventional animals.
And no, I'm not just talking about the possum mama with her kids or that group of feral cats drifting in.
See, while it might not be technically legal, nobody really cares about me and my little "friends." I use the term loosely because they're by no means tame. Just used to my presence.
They've come to recognize me coming home as a sign of dinner and start flocking around me, keeping a good few feet of distance between us but still happily hopping along as my truck slowly rolls up to the usual spot.
There are days when I come home and they're already circling, ready for lunchtime.
Vultures can be surprisingly gentle animals when you get to know them.
Plus, the county pays me a little extra to dispose of anything that can't be taken to the local processor and donated to food banks. Even if I didn't enjoy having them around, and I do, I doubt I could keep them away from the little pile I've made in a bare patch of woods a good distance away from my home and... mostly downwind.
I even named them. Inky, Blinky, Winky and Moe. There were others, but these four seemed to stick around.
Inky had darker feathers. Blinky was a little tall and kind of dopey. I think Winky is a female and is a bit on the small side, and Moe is...
Well, he's as generic of a vulture as they come, aside from a scar on his bald head. They became part of my routine.
Then one day, there was a new face. A big one.
This guy, I assume he's male anyway, stood a good few inches taller than the others and seemed just a bit wider, stockier even. When he drifted down from the sky to land near the relatively fresh meat I'd tossed into the pile, he nearly gave me a heart attack.
They're not exactly noisy animals, but they're not what I'd call stealthy.
They're big things that circle overhead long before landing. You ever seen a vulture on the ground? It's kind of cute how they walk. They sometimes even make little grunts or hisses at each other.
But not this guy. I almost never saw him circle. I'd just turn around and he'd either be on the ground or in the process of landing, maybe perched up somewhere just watching. I never saw him hopping around or awkwardly waddling along. He'd just appear out of nowhere, like a ghost.
So that's what I named him.
I chalked the differences up to him maybe just being a different kind of vulture. He had the usual bald pink head, but the rest of him looked just different enough to make you think. His beak, for one, was a bit longer, and his plumage was nearly jet black compared to the others, which were more of a dark brown that lightened up around the edges.
On my days off, I'd rarely ever see him when I went to do my rounds around the property. Only once in a blue moon would I catch sight of him outside of when I brought in new carcasses. If I was lucky, he'd be up in a nearby tree, looking down at me as I walked by.
He was a picky one. The others were more than happy to eat rotten scraps, so they were almost always around. While Ghost did sometimes peck at bigger bits of roadkill, he only ever seemed to really dig in when it was relatively fresh, a day old at most. Looking back, I think that's why I never really saw him outside of working hours. Sure, if we hadn't gotten anything fresh in a while, he'd nibble at the less rotten bits, but not much more than that.
Aside from that, he had his own particular way of eating. To save you the unsavory details, vultures usually go for entryways, open wounds and soft flesh, then work their way out, not really caring as long as it's soft meat.
Ghost? He liked throats. Heads in general but always the throat. It was the first place he went whenever he got a chance at somewhat fresh meat. He would mostly turn food down if he didn't get first pick, or if the upper half wasn't... "intact" enough. It worked for him just fine. If Ghost was at a carcass, then the others would shuffle away, moving to the far side of the kill pile or sometimes even just straight up flying off.
Speaking of the head, he also seemed to go for faces. I'd leave and come back to find Ghost having plucked almost all the flesh from a skull, with the lower body mostly untouched.
He also didn't seem to like me watching him eat. He'd tolerate me being there, but he would take slow, careful bites, avoiding sticking his head in so he could keep sight of me. Once or twice on my way out, I'd hear a ripping sound or catch sight of him in my rear-view mirror guzzling down a hunk of flesh.
It didn't really occur to me that something was off until maybe a month or so back. Ghost followed me. Every time I'd show up to a call, he'd be there, perched over the kill...
But not eating. He'd just take a few slow steps away when I'd walk up, maintaining a little distance. I remember seeing his head tilt when I took out a shovel to clean up a particularly rough bit of gore off the road...
Like he was trying to figure out what I was doing.
He'd always be there right up until I'd scooped up the mess and started to drive off. Only once did he ever leave early, and that was after I'd had to put down an unlucky deer that hadn't been killed, but rather knocked out and severely injured. If you're ever in this situation, call a game warden. If they're like mine, they'll let you do what needs to be done. It's not unusual to have a rifle mounted on a rack in your vehicle around here, and I kept one handy for situations like this.
At the time, it was kind of nice. It felt like I'd really made an animal friend. Sure, I liked the other vultures, but it's not like they really seemed to care about me past just being a sign of dinner. I felt like I might have just become the most disgusting Disney princess of all time.
Until I saw Ghost eat a squirrel.
No big deal, right? It's just meat to a vulture. Well, thing is... This squirrel wasn't dead. He was just sitting there on the roadside, off in my peripheral vision, as I bagged up a rabbit that had an unfortunate meeting with a speeding minivan.
Then Ghost was there. I heard something akin to a loud squeak and a sound similar to somebody snapping a carrot.
The tail was hanging out of his beak. It wasn't limp either. It was twitching.
Vultures might eat something wounded and not moving. After all, if it smells like a corpse and looks like a corpse… But not living, moving animals.
That squirrel definitely wasn't roadkill. After that, I started paying a little more attention.
The family of possums I used to have around? I hadn't seen them in a good while. Same story with the stray cats that had been living nearby.
The bird feeders were mostly untouched. If that wasn't a sign that Chunky was gone, I don't know what would be.
And speaking of birds, the usual calls and chirps? Maybe a third of what they were around this same time last year. Not dead quiet, but definitely muted.
Now, Ghost wasn't exactly being pampered. Some days, we just didn't get anything bigger than a squirrel or two. Some days, we got nothing. But there was always -something- in the carcass pile. He should never have been hungry, not really, certainly not hungry enough to push him to eat something that, within all reason, was still alive and kicking.
It was a day after that squirrel that I found them. A cardinal first, judging by the bright red feathers. That was the only way to tell, considering the head was gone.
I would've chalked it up to the cats if there hadn't been a cat skull, picked clean, lying just a foot or so away from what looked like a freshly dead, headless tabby. Its blood was still wet and pooled underneath it.
They'd been added to the kill pile.
But not by me.
And there was Ghost. Up in the tree, hunched over with his head tilted slightly. Watching me. Like he always did.
A stray dog showed up not too long after. Big, skittish pit bull mix by the looks of it, probably attracted by the smell of meat.
I poured a couple of bottles of water into a paper bowl I'd used for lunch and watched him down it pretty readily. I figured if he hung around long enough, I might get him to trust me enough to get in the truck.
It wasn't a day later that I found him on the pile.
My first thought wasn't Ghost. Sure, maybe he'd started making his own lunch, but this wasn't something like a cat that wouldn't see it coming or an unsuspecting squirrel.
This was something big enough to seriously hurt me, never mind a vulture. I called it in and told the town that somebody had to be dumping animals off on my property.
They didn't take me seriously. They even suggested somebody might've shot the dog if it harassed their livestock and just dumped it out on my land, since a few local farmers knew roughly where I lived.
Didn't make me feel any better. So I bought and set up a few game cameras, figuring I'd catch the license plate of whoever was screwing with me and get them trespassed.
And as I worked, there was Ghost. He'd been around a lot more lately. He watched me as I pulled out my extension ladder and started putting up the cameras. He even flew over to the tree I was working on when I moved out of sight, just to stare down at me from a higher branch.
I got a good look at his feet then. At the sharp tips of his nails that looked like they'd be more at home on a hawk than a vulture.
For a few days, nothing really happened. I was actually relieved. It let me hope that maybe whoever had done this got wind that I'd called the authorities and decided it wasn't worth the risk. Still, I took my laptop out with me so I could check the game camera footage on-site.
I expected to see vultures, maybe a few returning bits of wildlife if I was lucky- or an unfamiliar truck if I wasn't.
I didn't expect to see a blur drop in from above the camera's line of sight, bouncing off the carcass pile below. When I went to check the pile the next day, I found out that it was the headless body of a rather large rabbit.
Then came the rustle of leaves and the shaking of branches near the camera... followed by Ghost's face moving into frame, illuminated in black and white by the camera's night vision. One eye fixed on the camera before he tilted his head and stood there motionless until the camera stopped registering movement...
The next clip was just more shaking branches. That was the first time I'd ever felt unsafe on my own property.
Anger won out over fear in the end.
I'd had enough of this nonsense. I tossed the laptop into the cab of my truck and reached for my rifle, fumbling to load a round while scanning the area.
There he was, perched up in the trees. Staring down at me. When I brought the rifle up and started lining up a shot, he looked almost...
Shocked. The tilt of his head was whiplash-quick, going from casually observing me to full-on staring me down.
I took the shot when he started to spread his wings and saw a small explosion of black feathers. He dropped like a rock into the underbrush, crashing onto a branch before hitting the ground.
I loaded another round into the rifle and marched toward the spot where I'd seen him land. Freak or not, I wasn't going to let him suffer if I hadn't put him down.
I should've let him bleed.
When I got close enough, the bastard shot out of the brush, letting out a loud, rasping hiss as he batted at me with a bloodied wing and tore at my hands with clawed feet. It forced me to stumble and land hard on my back, knocking the breath out of me.
Somewhere in that mess, the gun went off, thank God. I think if it hadn't, Ghost wouldn't have stopped.
By the time I'd managed to pull myself up, he'd already taken off, listing slightly to the left before correcting and disappearing into the trees.
That was two weeks ago, and things haven't gotten better. I thought he'd leave after all that, but he's only gotten...
Stranger.
He doesn't follow me to jobs anymore. I only catch sight of him now as he's leaving. He's started leaving his kills on my doorstep.
But that's not what's got me writing this out. I'm trying to convey this in a way that doesn't make me sound as crazy as I think I do.
See, I'm writing all this from my kitchen, nursing a cup of coffee and trying to take it easy. I got into what everyone's calling an "accident."
Two days ago I was hauling ass, hoping to get to the scene of some poor creature that had died on a particularly busy stretch of road.
It'd been raining pretty hard the night before, and it was still drizzling, with a call for more rain moving in.
The longer it sat on that road, the longer it'd take to clean. According to the call, it looked like a dog, but it'd already been hit once or twice and might've already been missing chunks of its upper half.
Just as I reached to adjust the knob on my radio, I caught a glimpse of something above. A black outline.
Then something smashed into my windshield.
It just barely missed me, but the explosion of glass made me slam my foot down on the brake, causing me to fishtail.
After that, I just remember feeling weightless for a second and then waking up in the hospital. I took a pretty nasty knock to the head. My phone thankfully survived the crash. I'm home now, resting up. I got a call not too long ago.
They found out what hit my windshield. It was a dog skull. It seems silly, but...
Sitting here, looking out the window as I sip my morning coffee...
I gotta wonder.
What if he put that dog in the road?













