@oldleaves - Tumblr Blog

money was a fucking mistake i can’t even imagine making people homeless for a bit of fucking paper

things are bad all the time

#my favorite chicken died this morning for no apparent reason #i’m really beginning to believe there’s a curse on my family #whoever put the evil eye on us better be getting this back ten fold at some point

minotauri

some of you have never been chased by a merciless farm animal as a child and it shows :/

#this ONE rooster at the garden center.

sarroora

The original ninja turtle

transgressivepistoleer

@we-are-rogue

we-are-rogue

It’s true! And not just in Egypt, it’s recorded as a standard burglar technique in 12th century Persia. So much so that catching a fellow in the middle of the night carrying a crowbar and a drill wouldn’t necessarily prove anything, but if he also had a live tortoise with him, well it could only be a professional burglar.

“The tortoise is employed thus. The burglar has with him a flint-stone and a candle about as big as a little finger. He lights the candle and sticks it on the tortoise’s back. The tortoise is then introduced through the breach into the house, and it crawls slowly around, thereby illuminating the house and its contents.”

customer service sucks lol

i love getting yelled at by customers about stupid shit :)

#jk i’m crying in th parking lot rn lmao

#ok

etirabys

The Lord said, “If I find fifty righteous startups in Silicon Valley, I will spare the whole place for their sake.” Then Abraham spoke up again: “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the Lord, though I am nothing but dust and ashes, what if the number of the righteous is five less than fifty? Will you destroy the whole city for lack of five startups?” // “If I find forty-five there,” God said, “I will not destroy it.”

… The two venture capitalists arrived at Palo Alto in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city. … They did go with him and entered his $0.9m one-bedroom home. He prepared a meal for them, baking bread without gluten, and they ate. Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of Silicon Valley—both young and old—surrounded the house. They called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can pitch our startups to them.”

fat ‘n’ fluffy

#the adventures of trouble and treble #farmin’#goats

juxtp0se

did U GUYS KNOW, that the way stores get the balloons off of the ceiling is with ANOTHER balloon, w tape on the top??? and they just dont cut the string so it’s like super long and u gotta aim it right n reel it in. i just found that out today when i DID IT and it’s been the best working day of my life i had a blast blowing up balloons and fetching some off the ceiling. i had so much power? and NO ONE ELSE in my department likes that job so now it’s MY job when need be

goddamnshinyrock

omg so I work at a museum and one of our buildings has a) very high ceilings and b) a bizarrely sensitive alarm system that will go off if anything touches the ceiling. Because of this, helium balloons are considered public enemy #1 and are strictly forbidden from entering the museum. But just in case an illicit balloon is successfully smuggled in, the museum has acquired a fucking b.b. gun for the express purpose of shooting down rogue balloons.