Old Timey Bitches @oldtimeybitches - Tumblr Blog

Charles, I swear to God, if these highlights don't come out PERFECTLY I am going to toss that bowl of bleach right in your ugly face!

#María Teresa (1638–1683) Infanta of Spain #Velázquez #Spanish #Art #Spain

By all means, Mr. Johnson, check over my calculations. I know how you always say you can't trust the work of a woman.

I feel I should tell you though, you're reading those tables upside down, dumbass.

#Sulking #Edgar Degas #19th century

I hear what you're saying, Vanessa, but if those rabbits knew how good this coat looks on me now, I'm sure they would have given their consent.

#Gustavus Hamilton (1710–1746) Second Viscount Boyne in Masquerade Costume #Rosalba Carriera #Italian #18th century

Elizabeth, Dear, there's no need for you to get upset. I only meant that if you refrained from sharing your opinion so much, people would find you considerably more likable. There's nothing wrong with keeping quiet.

#The Cup of Tea #Mary Cassatt #1880

Be honest. It's not too much, is it?

#Philip IV (1605–1665) in Parade Armor #Gaspar de Crayer #17th century

Oh you didn't get any gifts for Valentines Day? Here, you can have one of mine- I have plenty.

#The Love Letter #Jean Honoré Fragonard #18th century

That Adele sounds lovely, but she's a little fat, no?

#Madame de Saint-Maurice #Joseph Siffred Duplessis #18th century #french

"Yes! Yes, that's good. Now write, "Meet me in the woods behind your house at dawn tomorrow so I can properly proclaim my love to you. Forever Yours, John.'"'

"Oh, Sarah, you're bad!"

#Curiosity #Gerard ter Borch #17th century

#Sir Joshua Reynolds #18th century

Who touched my lute? Timmy? Billy, was it you? You know this is off-limits! Mommy is NOT fucking around!

#Allegory of Music #Laurent de La Hyre #1649 #17th century

#The Annunciation #Pieter de Witte #16th century

Harold, get in here, you gotta see this! The neighbor kid just fell off a ladder and he's cryyyyyyying.

That's what you get for walking through my garden, you little shit!

#Malle Babbe #17th century #Style of Frans Hals

#Olivier Journu #Jean Baptiste Perronneau\#1756 #18th century

It's okay, Lisa, we've all been stood up once or twice- it happens. I mean, it's never happened to ME but you know, it happens to brunettes.

#After the Ball #Alfred Stevens #19th century

Oh my GOD Mr. & Mrs. Jefferson when are you getting baaaack?! I literally can not hold your dumb kid anymore. I think he shit in this blanket and I am seriously going to throw up all over your ugly stone couch.

#Sorrowful Woman of Ischia #French #19th century

Oh honey, no. The invitation clearly says "Black Tie", not "Black Death".

#Sebastián Martínez y Pérez #1792 #Goya

I swear to God, Kelly, if you don't quit whining about your chores, I will shove this rake so far up your ass you'll be spitting out weeds.

#Two Young Peasant Women #Camille Pissarro #1892

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