having you pussy eaten because you deserve it and he wants you to feel good but also enduring having you pussy eaten because he feels a deep hunger and desperate need for you
HI MEY!!! MEY MY LOVE!!!! i'm giving you forehead kisses i hope you can feel them through the phone 💙 I love you too!!
I've been good! stuck in otome hell rn i've walked out with like 10 new husbands [ough bird here] and the game is about to be updated with more characters 😰 I hope you've been well too !!! <3
stew - kanetsugu x chubby reader || wc: 4.9k || tags: slight misunderstanding, Sasuke is the best wingman, I wrote this for my beloved friend since her other men have disappointed her || taglist form || masterlist
You remember the rain-soaked night Kenshin had taken you in. The world harsh and cruel but surprising kindness from the so-called "God of War", he had pretended not to care much. A simple "if you wish to get out of the rain you may follow me, you can work for your stay or leave in the morning." Perhaps kindness was a strong word, but it felt apt for actions no one else had shown to you.
A boy had been there as well, he couldn't have been much older than you at the time. A seemingly permanent scowl plastered on his face as he hardly ever spared you a glance, it was fine, you were only here to survive in a small sanctuary from the world beyond the palace walls.
Over the years the boy had grown into a fine man; now a part of Kenshin's army and a most trusted vassal. You've grown closer in small ways— occasional meetings in the kitchen (you both claim are completely accidental), taking a little longer when delivering packages to him, talks over books, needing to walk you back to your room when the sun sets over the horizon despite your protests that you can in fact defend yourself (he's aware, he just can't find himself being able to part from you otherwise).
You can smell the telltale sign of wisteria around the corner. You've noticed the frequency in which the fragrance passes your nose, you're aware of who is around the corner (you would be a fool if you weren't). The summer heat being your excuse as your steps slow ever so, just enough for a flit of silver to cross your vision before it and the smell of wisteria are gone.
Your hands tighten slightly around the parcel you carry and you hesitate a moment before taking another step. You would do your job as you have done all the other years you have known the man— you aren't incompetent and certainly won't allow this to be the reason you falter in your duties. As you continue into the town and try to ignore whenever your eyes stop on purple kimono or silver hair for longer than you want to admit.
You're thankful for the breeze once the sun has set enough to cool down slightly from the activities of the day. Once Kasugayama Castle had grown quiet (as it only does in a small hours of the morning or the late eve of night) a figure could be caught outside the door of the kitchen while another— plumper— figure stood just inside. With practiced ease he watched as you cut the ginger, he can just barely see already pressed tofu sitting on a cloth and hears water boiling just behind you.
"When are you going to learn you don't have to hide from me of all people Kanetsugu?" He watches the smile grow on your face at hearing his soft curse before the door slides open with a small squeak.
"I'm not hiding."
"Mhm, and I don't cook for two." He doesn't like the glint in your eye (he does, it reminds him of the way water twinkles on a lake) or how he knows you'll welcome him during these late night conversations better than during the day. A fault of his own, he does his best not to get too close and let his stained hands touch yours for fear of ruining you too. "Are you going to stand around or would you like to put the tofu in the water while I finish cutting the vegetables?"
He wordlessly moves to gently place the tofu into the roaring water— he takes careful consideration to not splash too much. The soft sounds of the knife hitting the board behind him do well to ease him and the sounds in his head. Unsure if the heat that begins to fill him is from the fire under the terracotta pot or from you; he steps away from both under the pretense of getting a spoon to stir the tofu with.
"You had a lot to say during the meeting today." The tofu bobs up and down slightly in the simmering water, the chopping behind him has stopped.
"I wasn't going to sit there and listen to more of Kenshin's crazed ramblings than I needed to. He sometimes makes good points and others he just wants to rush to battle with little to no concern for his own life."
"You care about him," the words more of a statement than a question as they roll off his tongue.
"He did save me— so to speak. He is not an unkind man just one with little care for his life and it bothers me. The same way Shingen's little concern for his life bothers me. There are people here who care about them and want them to live long lives." The chopping resumes as he hums lightly in agreement. Kanetsugu knows full well his own feelings but knows better than to start arguments for argument sake.
Silence settles over them like the heat that clings to their skin; a mild discomfort but unchanged nonetheless. Kanetsugu takes the tofu out of the water and pats it dry once more with a clean cloth, once set in a bowl he takes the small pitcher of room temperature water and slowly pours it over the tofu to cool it down. You slowly assemble the vegetables in two separate bowls (subconsciously already picking out the ones he doesn't like to add more to your own) before sliding them in front of him.
"Thank you." His words carried by the wind to your ear. He splits the tofu evenly among you and you hand him utensils.
"There's nothing I need thanks for."
"For never pushing me away during these…I hesitate to call them rendezvous."
"Just two people who got a little hungry in the middle of the night." You lean against the table and carefully bring the cold meal to your lips.
"Just two people who got hungry in the middle of the night," he whispers the phrase as though tasting it on his tongue.
Not much is ever said during the trysts, a more comfortable silence taking over with quiet clinking of chopsticks on bowls and soft crunching of vegetables. Once done he always takes it upon himself to wash the dishes, he can feel your body next to him as you refuse to let him do so alone.
Kanetsugu wonders what your body would feel like in his arms, if they would be able to envelop your plump body completely or if they would fall short. Would your hands be soft or rough if he— he stops his thought and returns to drying off the now clean bowls and pans. Everything now put away there's no need for him to linger and yet he does: you both do.
"This is goodnight it seems." There's the faintest whisper of laughter in your voice, his ears pricking up in case he hears more. He wishes he had some way to preserve it so that he may hear it over and over on days when the darkness seems a little too close.
Kanetsugu disappears for a week, there are no drawn out goodbyes or get back safe, he simply leaves as though he is but a leaf falling silently from a tree. There's an extra bowl sitting on the counter in hopes maybe you're wrong and he didn't leave without saying a word. The clay bowl sits untouched in front of you as you lean on the counter suddenly aware of how much the night breeze has chilled the air.
Goosebumps rise along your skin as you wash and put away your own dish. The kitchen feels larger like this. You don't dwell like you do other nights and find respite in the relief of your room. Even as the moon streams through your ajar window, sleep doesn't find you. The sliver of the moon reminding you too much of a man who seems as out of reach as the moonlight itself. Every time you find reason to get closer he slips through your grasp as though there was nothing to grab at all.
When Kanetsugu returns neither of you say a thing. So many words dying before they can reach your mouth. There is no point. You return to your work with the quiet knowledge of a comfort lost; you no longer get out two bowls when you cook midnight snacks.
He knows he hurt you somehow. Knows he shouldn't have left without a word— your anger he can deal with. He watched you wash your bowl while another sat untouched on the table, watched as you shivered from the cold and stood in silence in the kitchen. He left before you could see him (before you could stop him). It was easier than allowing you to see him stained in blood, no matter how hard he scrubs his skin he still sees dark crimson beneath his nails. He has polished his blade and still when he looks back at himself in the reflection all he can see is a monster. You should not eat with someone who kills as easily as he has— as he does.
In the halls you notice the hesitation in his steps before he turns from you. You're not stupid enough to think he isn't purposefully avoiding you. Again you say nothing. There is nothing to say. Everyone notices the change, notices the sadness in your eyes when you linger on each other, how his hands find reasons to brush against yours in meetings before he pulls back like he's been burned.
"What happened?" Sasuke asks you one night, he's sat in his usual spot on the tatami floors. Your tea steams but you can't find it in yourself to look up and meet his gaze instead content to watch the steam dissipate into the air.
"Nothing. Just two people no longer eating together. It really is nothing Sasuke." He seems reluctant to drop the subject if the way he taps the table in thought is anything to say about it. "We've never gotten along, why is now suddenly when you all-"
"Because before you didn't have that look in your eyes like it was killing you not to be near him."
"You're rather blunt today."
"Would you listen if I wasn't?" Silence throws the room into an uncomfortable pause. His hand stops yours when you reach to lift your teacup to your lips and hopefully stop yourself from saying something stupid. His hand is warm and steady. Perhaps the world is crueler than you wish to give it credit for, if it was Sasuke you had fallen for— no. You're sure you would have fallen for Kanetsugu if you had met him, no matter when.
"It's stupid." You shift uncomfortably in your seat. With quiet encouragement you continue with a sigh. "He didn't say goodbye." A wave of embarrassment washes over you as you gaze out the window to avoid whatever look Sasuke might be giving you.
"He never does," he pauses for a moment as though chewing on the thought he had. "Did you tell him welcome back?" You can see the twinkle of something more in his eyes— as most things do, it goes unsaid. "Start there." You nod silently and once more you sip your tea and sit in silence.
The next time you find yourself in the kitchen you grab two bowls. They sit on the counter almost as if taunting you and asking if this is what you really intend to do. He comes in earlier than usual, before you've even had the chance to decide what you're going to make. "Hello."
"Kanetsugu," you greet him in a voice soft enough it makes you want to take it back immediately.
"What are you making today?"
"Small talk doesn't suit you." A soft whistle resounds from him as he takes in a sharp breath. he expected you to be colder towards him; you should be colder to him. His hands reach toward the clay bowl, your gaze following his movements as he gently traces the surface. He's realizing you have still yet to look at him and it bothers him more than he can say.
"I'm sorry." Your hands freeze from where they lightly tapped against the slightly rough texture of the side of your own bowl. "It was beyond rude of me to leave without saying a word to you."
"I don't need an apology. It's not like I was anything to you." Hands cover yours as you pull the bowl closer to yourself, finally you look up at him. You almost want to brush away the furrow in his brow but bite at the inside of your cheek to keep from saying something.
"You're my friend at the least, I wouldn't count that as being nothing to me. So you do need an apology, I'm sorry that even when I did come back I couldn't stand to face you." His eyes shoot downwards as he feels your hands lightly tremble in his. He pulls back and sets them on the table. "The worst part is I don't have a good reason for doing it, no reason would be good enough. I hurt you and I'm deeply sorry."
He turns around and begins to walk towards the door when your voice stops him. "Are you not hungry?"
"I didn't think I would be invited." He has yet to turn back to you and you smile softly.
"I set out two bowls, did I not?" The quiet sound of a puffed out laugh reach your ears— you wish you had a way to bottle the sound and remember it on days when he seems too far away. You make do with your memory of his small laugh instead. "And Kanetsugu?" He hums softly as he gets a board and knife to cut whatever you eventually will ask him to. "Welcome home."
"Thank you."
There's a knock on your door so faint you almost miss it. A faint mumbling can be heard, not loud enough to make out the words, before another knock louder than before. You set your metal comb down on your vanity with a small click as it touches the wood's surface.
You wrap your kimono tighter around yourself as you slide the door open carefully. "Kanetsugu," your eyes widening in shock upon seeing the man outside your door. The outer layer of his usual outfit gone as he's left in the tighter black undershirt. "It's rather improper to visit me so late at night."
"I won't come in." You wait for him to continue and raise a brow when he doesn't.
"Then why are you here?"
"Can I cook for you tomorrow?" His hand grips his wrist lightly and for a moment you want to grab his hand to stop it. You tighten your grip on the door and force yourself to look back at his face and you are so glad you do. Even in the moonlight you can see the subtle dusting of pink that caresses his skin in a way that almost makes you jealous. You can tell he's forcing himself to look into your eyes, can see the way his jaw clenches and unclenches as he waits for a reply.
"I would love that. You can visit outside of the kitchen you know, we aren't only friends if we're in there. Or at least I hope not." He quickly shakes his head and a small part of you is almost happy to see the panicked expression that takes over his face for a moment before he steels his feelings once again.
"We're…we're definitely friends even outside of cooking."
"Great. I'll do better about saying hi when I see you pass." He nods with a slight smile and crinkle of his eyes.
"I would like that very much." You stand in awkward silence for a moment and he clears his throat and turns away. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight." You shut the door and the minute you're sure he's gone, fall to the floor, and grab at your chest for a moment to calm your heart. "Shush you, believe me I know."
Kanetsugu returns to his room in the quiet (although he's acutely aware of the way his heart beats loudly in his ears), he sinks to the floor with a sigh. He slides open the door that looks towards the garden and gazes up at the moon, he allows himself a moment to reminisce on one of the first times your "nights together" started.
He dislikes you when you first arrive at the castle. Displeased with your brash comments and opinions. He notices you in ways he doesn't wish to; the way your eyes light up over good food, the way you smell of fresh pressed wild flowers, how you try to hold back the roll of your eyes whenever Kenshin says something outlandish (he ignores that he fights back a small twitch at the corner of his lips). He always catches you in his peripheral whenever you run about the castle or town doing whatever deliveries are required of you.
Kanetsugu finds you sneaking to the kitchen one night (don't ask him why he was there he will deny it was the same reason as you) and stands by the doorway, door not fully open as he peeks through and doesn't know if he wants to find reason to get rid of you and a secret only the two of you will know. He watches you light a fire and quietly as you can set a pot down (his lip twitches slightly at hearing your mumbled curse over the way it clangs against the metal holder). He's not sure how long he stands there, he watches as you throw vegetables into a stew with practiced motions.
He grows surprised when you pull two bowls instead of one to sit on the table. "I thought you were supposed to be good at staying hidden Kanetsugu. Perhaps you need to work on it." He stiffens at the sound of your voice but pushes the door the rest of the way open as you slide the bowl to the opposite side of the table. "Here."
"How did you know I was there?"
"We both work for Kenshin, surely you know how he enjoys surprising those he cares for." He hums in understanding and stirs the stew gently. "Are you going to eat or scrutinize it?"
He doesn't hide his eye roll as he takes a careful bite. "It's tolerable."
"Fine then," you reach for the bowl but he stops your hand and that's when he notes the teasing grin on your face. "Ohhh?" His eyes narrow at your laughter (he hadn't expected it to feel like the falling of orange and red leaves). The rest of the shared meal is quiet as the evening light turns to a soft dawn.
"Goodnight Kanetsugu."
"Goodnight," he watches as you silently leave the room. He carefully sets the bowls back in their neat cupboard and thinks of how nice it would be to have your figure fill his arms. He shakes his head to get rid of the thought. One he shouldn't afford himself.
He almost wants to laugh at how easily he had allowed those precious nights to slip from his company— how easily he let you slip from his company. He shakes his head, no, slip would be wrong. He ran. He knows it was stupid but he can't help but picture the way his hands still feel stained with blood. In a moment of selfish desire to be near you (as much as he will allow himself) he folded.
"Friends, friends really? That's the best you could come up with?" He sighs to himself and shuts the door as he goes to his desk in hopes of finishing his reports lest he winds up falling asleep at his desk again.
The night begins to bleed into day before he even notices, with a sigh he sets his brush down and closes the lid on the ink as he stumbles his way into bed. He's asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow the cool morning air aiding him in drifting off.
When he stirs later in the morning he's quick to dress himself and be on with his day. He doesn't enjoy the almost knowing smirk (can that be called a smirk?) Sasuke dons when the other passes. Kanetsugu chooses to ignore it as he hands his report to Kenshin who gives him a small nod and quick directions for his next task.
He catches your figure from just behind Kenshin: far too absorbed in your own work that you miss his small "hello," and the consequential confused look Kenshin gives him. He feels his cheeks grow warm and he turns away in fear it would be commented upon. You'll see him later, if not at the very least tonight in the kitchen.
He does his best to blame the small flush of his cheeks on the sun (before he realizes it is not even noon yet and the way he has to wrap himself tighter in his haori says another story). "Well it's the man of the house! Kanetsugu you really must come to the town more often," he smiles slightly as he stops before the merchant's stall.
"Hello Korei, I'll make sure to have more free time to visit." The man, Korei, nods enthusiastically and ushers him a little closer as he opens a box.
"About the obi charm you inquired about a while ago, I believe I've finally made one worthy of giving." The cords lace together in harmony of greens, three gems sit in the middle of the cord and a small bag hangs from the end. The gems sparkle in even the morning sun and he can't help as he runs his fingers over their angled but smooth edges.
"Thank you." Kanetsugu swiftly takes a bag of coins from his sleeve and places it in front of the merchant. Korei smiles almost wistfully as he hands over the box.
"I hope they cherish it as much as I have while making it, do make sure to take good care of the owner."
"I'll do my best. She's capable of taking care of herself, I don't know how much help I could be." Korei seems to laugh knowingly and with that he sends Kanetsugu off so he may complete his other tasks of the day. The box seems to weigh heavy in his pocket as though getting heavier with each step.
On his way back to the castle he finds you carrying an arm load of scrolls with a hint of exasperation on your face. "Need a hand?" He tries to hide back his smile when he watches you jump a little and quickly wipes the expression from his face when you turn your glare towards him.
"I am perfectly capable—"
"I know. I want to make it a little easier for you, if I may?" You sigh a little and stop off to the side away from the foot traffic to allow him to gather some of the things you carry. "What is all this?"
"Reports for Lord Kenshin, most of it is nonsense I'll have to filter through before I can give them to him but otherwise— just merchant reports." Once he situates the scrolls in his hands you begin walking once more. "Is this just a happy accident or was I found on purpose?"
"A happy coincidence." You almost want to roll your eyes at the soft smile if at least to fight the heat from your cheeks from rising. "Do you need help sorting those?"
"No, Lord Kenshin said to deliver them tomorrow as Lord Shingen apparently has something dire to talk to him about. I would say prepare yourself for surprises but Sasuke seems to be his favorite pin cushion as of late." You chuckle softly under your breath. The halls seem longer than usual, no wait, are you just walking slower?
"Then we can get started with dinner sooner."
"My, my, Kanetsugu, if I didn't know any better I would say you were looking forward to this."
"I am." The honesty makes you hesitate slightly in your steps. With your gaze turned towards the ground you walk faster towards your room. You ignore Kanetsugu's poorly concealed laugh and slide your door open with your foot and sprawl the scrolls on your desk.
"Thank you."
"Of course, you can ask me for anything and I will do my best to help." Something is hidden just beneath the words but you don't want to let yourself hope, don't get your hopes up too high and there will be less disappointment later.
The coolness of the day has given way to the night, small chirps resounding in the dark as two figures slip into the kitchen. "And here I thought we would meet earlier," you jest lightly only to see Kanetsugu has already started on dinner.
"Patterns are hard to break." On the table sit two clay bowls and an ornate box. "That is for you, I inquired about it a few weeks ago and picked it up at the market today." His voice breaks ever so slightly towards the end of his sentence. He sees the slight twinkle in your eye even as you try to look perturbed.
"I can't accept this." He tilts his head and you sigh and refuse to look in his eyes. You know the argument will be for naught if you stare too long into those wisteria eyes that break down your defenses far too easily. "I haven't gotten you anything so it wouldn't feel right to accept your gift and dinner." There's a hum across from you but your eyes busy themselves with staring at your hands.
"The cord on your obi was beginning to become frayed," it's a lame excuse and you both know it. With a sigh you pull the box closer and enjoy the sight of the twining colors and the gems that hold almost the same vibrancy and allure as his eyes.
"It's beautiful Kanetsugu. Thank you," you close the box and with it try to shut away your feelings that have begun boiling over.
"No need to thank me, the merchant said he enjoyed making it and hopes you cherish it." Although there seems to be more you notice how he cuts himself off. "Can you cut the vegetables for the stew?" you nod and he hands over the already washed vegetables for you to cut while he tenderizes meat cubes and sets them in their own clay pot to cook.
Your shoulder bumps his as you set the vegetables carefully into the pot beside him. Neither of you pull away and you're almost certain if you were to look over you would see a red flush on the tips of his ears and the base of his neck. "Sorry," you mumble but he presses himself firmer against you. "Kanetsugu?" When you turn to look at him you find him already staring at you with something hidden in his eyes.
"I'm sorry," the featherlight touch of his hand on your arm is almost enough to make you jump but his eyes keep you stuck in place. "May I?" He sees the confusion on your face and you watch as his teeth worry his lip for a moment. "May I kiss you?" He begins to turn away from you and in a moment of surprise even to yourself you grab his face and pull him towards you.
"Please do," you mumble against his lips and he melts against you, his arms wrapping around you with a hum as he tries to commit how your figure feels in his arms. You're slightly aware of how the countertop begins to press into your lower back but don't remember him leading you towards it.
He takes quick breaths between kisses and you lose yourselves for a moment before hearing the sizzle of water hitting the fire below the pot. "Sorry." He helps you straighten out your kimono and you see how much redder his face has become and the light sheen of his lips.
"Don't apologize for that unless you didn't mean it." His arm pauses its stirring and he turns back to you for a moment.
"I meant it."
"Good. Then we can do it again after dinner." He sputters a little at your forwardness but nods. Silently— and slightly awkwardly— you help him finish cooking. Once the bowls are settled on the table across from each other you smile once more. "This was very lovely, thank you Kanetsugu."
"Thank you for joining me."
"Tomorrow I'll cook for you."
"You always cook, let me repay you a bit more." There's a hint of laughter in his voice as he takes a small bite of stew.
"Only if you don't call it repayment. I cooked for you because I wanted to not because I expected anything in return."
"I will if you allow me to take you out next time you have a day off."
"I would love that."
The night passed as easily as the breeze; not wanting to part, Kanetsugu walked you back to your room. Shoulders brushed in the hall with lazy steps, upon reaching your door you both froze.
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight." He begins to turn away and you carefully reach out for his sleeve. He turns back to you and makes a small surprised sound when you place your lips to his once more. He starts to lean in as you pull away and he returns your soft smile. "Sleep well."
