horror vacui

LALE · 30⇡ · writer · cats love me, dads fear me

[sodaneko]

𝙇𝘼𝙇𝙀 · 30⇡ · she/her · about/byf · tags · taglist form · AO3 · art & library sideblog: @paperfigs · hq x reader server

─── m.lists

⊹ ハイキュー!! – HAIKYUU!! ⊹ 怪獣8号 – KAIJU NO. 8 ⊹ サカモトデイズ – SAKAMOTO DAYS

─── author's picks

⊹ SOFT LAUNCH ⊹ EXOPLANETS ⊹ SUPERNOVAE

[sodaneko]

i don't really know if you are non sharing or sharing but as a little sister i had to ask a few questions, im new to selfshipping and i thought i was okay with sharing until the other day i got envious of someone else shipping with my f/o, Do you often get protective of your f/o's too? If so how'd you deal with it? i don’t want to be a non sharing selfshipper but...

i talked about this topic in an ask here before (linking it because i think your questions are quite similar) but i don't mind giving my thoughts on it again!

as for myself i'm sharing with all my selfships (it's mentioned in my about page), so 'protective' is not a word i would use to describe my f/os. sure, i can feel strongly about them and they have some importance in my life as they bring me a lot of joy and help me discover new sides about myself, but at the end of the day they are not real, they are fictional and therefore they don't need my (or anyone else's) protection.

this is not just about selfshipping: it's important to me to say that feelings like envy, jealousy and the like are very normal things to feel. we often dismiss them as ugly feelings that we need to get rid off, but i think it's important to acknowledge them and accept that they can just be there without you having to act on them. it makes us very human.

but i do think these feelings are a good opportunity to explore yourself deeper and ask yourself where these feelings are coming from and what exactly causes them! a little introspection if you will. is it comparison, do you have the feeling someone else's selfship is more 'developed' than yours? do they get more notes on their selfship posts with the same character? does it feel like many people are cheering for them and you want this too? does it feel like they have a 'better' grasp on the character than you do? getting to the root of your feelings will help you dissect them and understand better what causes them.

you picked the character (or sometimes it feels like they picked you) and in my opinion there's sooo much fun in exploring why exactly they found you at this time of your life and what parts of them it is that speak to you! it's something you don't have to figure out by tomorrow or ever, it's a journey you can go onto. it should be fun, right? selfshipping is not a competition or a race, first and foremost it's for you. what you're doing with your selfship doesn't take away from someone else's selfship and vice versa.

i feel like i've strayed a bit away from your original question but the topic has a lot of layers to it and it's hard to narrow it down to just one aspect of it. maybe i could give you some impulses along the way and if not that's also fine! i'm by no means any authority and you can decide for yourself what you want to take away from my answer. i do wish you lots of joy in your selfshipping journey and wherever it leads you! <3

[sodaneko]

Just saw your reblog about “friend I met at Kink University” (porn as presents is so real!) and wanted to pop in and add that I’m very happy to have a colleague like you at the University! Your contributions to the art form are gleefully appreciated!

aww shucks thank you Blaze!! i love being in class with you at kink university and exchanging notes every now and then <3

[sodaneko]

thinking of meeee!!? aw shucks :3 i’ll be free soon!! i have about two more weeks of school so im excited for it to be over.

i’m glad to hear everything is well!! also ateez mentioned??

honestly summer school is all i’ve been doing. butttt im trying to be better about not burning myself out and reminding myself it’s okay to take breaks. in doing so ive been watching movies to wind down at night!! other than that i haven’t done much this summer :P August will be more fun filled which is what matters :)

hot prof anon

ahhh may those 2 weeks pass in the blink of an eye for you and may august have all the fun things in store for you! it sounds like you've been finding a good balance and looked after yourself well, that's so nice. are there any movies you really enjoyed?

ateez mentioned......... pink haired yunho on my mind lately but what else is new! have you been listening to them lately?

have a good week ahead and take care <3

[frankhermann]

actually annoyed by long distance friends again. i want to go for a walk i want to get drinks i want to sit in the grass and write i want to go to the fucking store together

[microraptorhours]

i love you archival work. i love you alphabetizing. i love you sorting. i love you reshelving. i love you document restoration. i love you shelf reading. i love you inventorying. i love you analysis. i love you archival work.

[lvmimis]

“i promise i’ll be gentle” then you’re walking funny for three days

[clitorises]

Do you ever want to kiss someone so much that all you can think about is your hand on the back of their neck while their mouth falls open against yours, their soft lips and gentle whines as they melt into you, exchanging heat and breath as their hands wander over your body and your grip on them tightens, every touch electric as desperation builds and tenderness gives way to lust, bitten lips and moans and growls and their tongue pressed deep into your mouth and your hips are tight against theirs and you’re completely lost in their scent and their taste?????? Do you????

[hamham-moments]

[sodaneko]

i'll be honest part of why i started my book club is to have an occasion to bake a big fat cake to go all out with it and then have a minimum of five people praise me and tell me it's the best cake they ever had . this repeats every month

[scribeherself]

the absolute devastating intimacy of a forehead rest. when you are both just so tired from existing in a world that demands you to be a rigid, functional individual, and you finally collapse into each other and just lean your forehead against theirs, or against their shoulder. it’s the physical equivalent of dropping your shields. it’s saying i am entirely heavy right now, and i am trusting you to bear a piece of that weight. and the most beautiful part is that the other person doesn’t even flinch. they just adjust their stance, tuck you a little closer, and absorb the impact. we were designed to divide the burden of being alive.

[sodaneko]

filing a divorce if my man doesn't tell me how pretty i am while he sit there sprawled out and bricked up on the couch with his pupils dilated and his breath strained while i bully him

[sodaneko]

when will jellycat release a baklava plush. or do i have to make one myself

[strawbaerie-faerie]

local grocery store cashier!makki who flirts with you every time you come in despite the wedding ring on your finger, he’s goofy and charming but you are very happily married so the next time you need to pick something up you make your husband mattsun come with you and to your surprise makki flirts with him just as much if not more than he does with you without even missing a beat

[kittyplushy-deactivated20250825]

Reminder to everyone in the selfship community that you don't need to get commissions or merch of your f/o to say you're a selfshipper or be prominent in the community. Just because someone can and has more and is considered the character's #1 selfshipper does not invalidate how much YOU love them

[r0ttedteeth]

I need someone to either put their fingers in my mouth or a gun. WHATS IT GONNA BE

[sodaneko]

STAR CROSSED ; Oikawa x f!reader

The flutter of her long eyelashes; all the wishes for him not to leave her alone upon them. The unfathomable hurt and the betrayal in her gaze. The love, too.

contains: f!reader, hurt/comfort, ldr goodbyes, messy and complicated feelings, can be read as a sequel to colder, closer (but works as a standalone too), oikawa pov, don't be fooled by the bright header this is one of the fics where the author works through some issues

word count: 1.3k

You’re always leaving, Tōru.

Her words cut like glass because they are true. In all honesty he doesn’t know why she still puts up with him, but his love is selfish enough not to seek answers to that. As long as she still hiccup cries against his chest the night he’s heading to the airport, she still belongs to him, right?

It’s always the same, like a malfunctioning dance they had perfected by now. On his last day they’ll go out for brunch together and she’ll be overly chatty and cheerful, as if she wants him to remember her like that. The bright girl he fell in love with all the years back in high school, with their tables pushed together during lunch break and their feet nudging each other underneath them, the small wonky doodles in his notebook and their pinkies touching over their homework, so quiet and subtle. Even back then he wanted her all for himself. His sun, his girl, his everything.

Oikawa still remembers what the kiss tasted like, the one he stole from her lips during training camp, when she scraped her knee falling down the stairs and he put a band-aid on it for her in an empty classroom. Overly sweet, a little salty from her tears, and so full of longing. Looking back it’s almost ironic how he kneeled before her, sweet talking her nonstop so she’d stop crying, so he could bask in the light of her again. Greedy, but he meant them. All the things he told her that afternoon, he meant them.

You’re so brave. You can hold on to me. There, there, doesn’t hurt so bad when we’re together, right? Is that a smile? You really are the sweetest, aren’t you? Such a heartthrob. What, me? Nah, there’s only one girl I want. Yes, you know her. Who is she? I’ll let you in on a secret.   

How he slowly peeled her fists in her lap apart, his fingers tangling with hers, his thumb rubbing soothingly over her sore wrist. He had tried catching her by it before she fell but it was too late, and in the blink of an eye she slipped right through his grasp. Fleeting, like a dream. 

He used to kiss her pain away once. Now he only causes more of it whenever he tries.

Back at the apartment she’ll busy herself while he packs his bags, and by busying herself he means she’ll cry quietly in the kitchen or on the balcony, somewhere she thinks he can’t see or hear her. Sometimes she’ll let him wrap her in his arms and kiss the top of her head, sometimes she’ll flinch away from him when he tries. 

This home belongs to the two of them. There’s both of their names on the doorbell, his toothbrush next to hers on the bathroom counter, his custom-tailored suit hanging next to her backless gown in the closet. Photo albums with shared memories of them are stacked next to his nightstand, magnets of places they traveled together are pinned to the fridge, next to her desk sit the dried flowers from the bouquet he got her before he set off to Argentina.

His belongings are there, but he isn’t. He’s always leaving.

Iwaizumi got angry with him one night when he told him about the small velvet box he keeps for her, for the right moment, when things are less fragile. She’s a caged bird, Oikawa. Set her free. She’s hurting all the time and you know it. Oikawa is aware his best friend has been there for her at times while he was at the other end of the world, picking up the pieces he willingly shattered with his absence. He probably should feel guilty about it but he can’t; not when her love is the sole thing in the world that keeps him going. Her tears a fickle proof that her feelings for him haven’t changed.

Back then, it was easier. Held hands on their way home from school, kisses that tasted like popsicles and honey melon, confessions written with sunscreen on her bare back. Her head resting against his shoulder during hours of bus rides, shared earphones and his thumb spelling L-O-V-E in the palm of her hand. Her airy laughs fawning over his skin when he kissed her neck, idle fingers tangling in his hair and her entire heart on his tongue. 

For one summer, they were allowed to dream that they were indestructible. 

It’s the dead hours between him shutting his suitcases and putting on his shoes for his departure that he loves the most; when the apartment gets eerily quiet and they find their way back to bed again. With her weight on top of him and her face hidden in the crook of his neck, whispering all these sweet things against his skin. Their legs tangled under the sheets and his fingers dancing up and down her spine, his other hand on the back of her thigh to pull her impossibly closer against him. It’s the moments her love for him feels the most palpable.

She’s waiting–she’s always waiting–and some days Oikawa gets scared that she’ll get tired of it. Tired of him. Tired of pouring love in a broken vessel. Tired, tired, tired.

He loves her. In the solar system of their universe they’re two moons, always facing and orbiting around another, forever drawn to their counterpart. There’s no him without her. When she sinks into his arms, he feels a faint sense of coming home, of belonging. It drowns out everything; the fears and the doubts and his useless pride. A lunar eclipse in his embrace. 

“You’ll love me forever, right?”, he murmurs into the dark, trailing kisses along her jaw, coaxing her to look at him. He has her face memorized from touch alone, the ghost of her underneath his fingertips when he was alone again. She’s still here, her heart still drumming against his ribcage with his arms wrapped around her. 

He’ll never get used to that look in her eyes, he thinks. It’s the same she gave him when he told her about going to Argentina after high school. The flutter of her long eyelashes; all the wishes for him not to leave her alone upon them. The unfathomable hurt and the betrayal in her gaze. The love, too. 

“What about me?” she asks, her voice wavering a little, and it’s like they’re eighteen again and she’s too prideful to ask him to stay and too lonely to walk away. They’re one of a kind. “Will you love me forever?”

Oikawa scoffs, as if the underlying doubt in her words was absurd. In one swift movement he rolls her on her back, pinning her down underneath him. He likes how her legs come apart to make room for him between them, and he likes the way her breath hitches when he grabs her chin to make sure her eyes stay on him in the dim light of the bedroom. Her lovesick gaze mirrors his own. 

“Sweet girl… really now?” he hushes her with a condescending click of his tongue before he leans down, lifting her hips to meet him. His lips find her neck and leave a mark for every day they’ll be apart again soon, and his fingers write all the things he can’t say to her yet against her bare skin till she comes undone underneath him. It’s what he does. Taking her apart, over and over again, making her forget all the ways he shatters her heart with one kiss after another. 

She’s a siren song, he thinks. Impossible to resist and drowning him slowly, but he lets her. As long as it means that he gets to have her, he’ll let her. He loves her more than life, more than the entire sun, more than his own vain beating heart. 

a/n: i need to throttle him

gen taglist: @kentocalls @wyrcan @nekozaki @kittygirl11829 @bakingcuriosity

@bakery-anon @jodercriis @chaotic-neutral-ig @kitsune-kita

gen taglist is open! fill out this form to be added (or removed, no hard feelings) ♡