Thoughts, delusions and all that

In uni. over 21. Unlovable hopeless romantic.

[olliespapaya]

To P whom I love and hate,

I dream about you apologising to me and holding me close. Even after waking up, I can still feel your hands around me. You confessed your feelings for me in that dream. And you're so affectionate.

I really truly never recovered from that fight. Lol.

[olliespapaya]

As a very modest girl,

The urge to dress slutty is strongggggggg

[olliespapaya]

I don't actually want to date him.

I'm just attached and wanted to be his friend.

I mean, if there's possibility that we liked each other. The big problem is that we both have different religion. I don't want to take him away from his god and make him commit sin. I don't want him to do the same thing to me too.

[olliespapaya]

I hate that I'm not a genius or smart enough.

I want my tc attention yet here I am.

He actually misremembered my name the whole semester. Instead of Ollie, he remembered me as Olivia instead.

That clearly means he can't be bothered to pay attention to me.💀

[harv3st-m00n]

I so desperately want him to care about me. I want to mean something to him.

[littlemissdelusive]

Please I don't even want to do anything dirty with him,, I just want him to hold me in his arms and tell me that I've done my best and that he's really proud of me for working so hard is that really so much to ask for??,,

I just wanna be with him and be loved by him,, </3

[likeesmartydoes]

You attract what you fear

AAAAAAAAAAA MY MIDDLE AGED TEACHER NOOOOO GET AWAY AUSUAUAUUGHHH IM SO SCARED

[olliespapaya]

He attended the dinner night.

I attended it too.

I can't say I'm all out but I put effort in my outfit and makeup.

So there was a lucky draw for this dinner. And since he is a lecturer, he was invited to draw lucky draw winners.

And you know what??!! I was picked and won a headphone!!! Omg, and he said to me on stage while I was accepting the prize from him, "Woah Ollie won." With a big smile.

That got me so freaking delulu. Fate makes him draw my name! Hahah jk jk.

But then after the event ended. He was probably one of the last people to go home because students kept talking with him. And me and my friends/classmates are also the last one to held him there but he was quite okay and still energetic to talk with us.

I whispered to my friend that I want to take pictures with him and they freaking announces it to him. He just answered, "Oh it's okay, we can take picture"

But then my friends/classmates were the first one to rush to take pictures with him. I was just awkwardly waiting at the side.

And at the end, I finally got to take pictures with him. I'm not use to take pictures with just anyone so I don't really know what pose to use but he was kinda efficient with it. He did a heart cheeks pose with me on top of many other cute pose.

I was soooo happy.

And then after that. We got to talk outside the venue until 2 am before I excused myself to go back home.

Throughout the conversation, he kept making an eye contact with me. Omggggggg. Is he enthralled by my blue contact lens? 😂🤣

I originally intended to post a heavily censored pic of us or perhaps a heavily cropped one but after some thinking, I decided against posting any pic at all. Sorry guys😔.

[olliespapaya]

So much happen for this two semester. I got my tc for two classes for this sem. Nothing much happen for the first semester because I developed a crush on one of my classmate but we fell out at the beginning of second semester.

To cope with that heartbreak, I began developing attachments to my tc (the same one I've been talking about on and off here). I guess we began to get closer as a student and lecturer. Nothing unprofessional.

He actually did hybrid class this semester where he allowed students to choose whether to attend face to face or online. Since I got morning class before his afternoon class, I usually attend face to face since I often finish having lunch/breakfast (😭🤣) before his class in the campus anyway.

I noticed that if I sat in front of the class, he began to talk a lot about other things unrelated to the subject he is teaching. He even spilled tea and gossiped.

He is also pretty comfortable with starting a conversation with me too. Hahaha but the funny thing is he actually misremembered my name throughout the semester. And I was too shy to correct him.

I only manage to correct him with my friends help. My friend is a teacher pet and is trying hard to get his favour as far as to visit his office to give him cookies. I was only tagging along and spent time outside waiting for her to come out. But then my tc invited me to go in too. There he was finally informed by my friend that my name is actually..well uh let's just use my tumblr handle ollie.

Then, for his final class for this semester which is also presentation day. I guess it's my first time wearing formal clothes and looking quite neat. But I noticed that he looked at me multiple times. I mean, our eyes met a lot. If anything happens, it's as if he was looking forward to my reactions.

That got me delulu haha. But he was still misremembering my name. Can't fault him, I'm just one of his many many students.

Then at the same week, at the weekend, our course had a dinner night which students from year are the committee who organizes it. I am one of the people in that committee. But I won't talk much about that because I have other exciting stuff to talk about. Move to part 2.

[olliespapaya]

guys, IM VERY SORRY because once again I forgot I have Tumblr acc 😭😭😭

[olliespapaya]

I promise I'll study hard.

I promise I'll be smart.

I promise I'll be worthy in your eyes.

So please,

come back to me.

Look at me.

See me.

[feelingsoftheday]

“i always wanna see you” type of energy.

[dumblr]

I always wanna see you, I always wanna talk to you type of energy.

[olliespapaya]

He don't like me romantically at all. What a shame and what a waste of energy.

[p-ssy-deactivated20201210-deact]

hello dark mode users :)

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🔭

[olliespapaya]

Why do I feel so safe/comforted when he's standing right behind me? Why do u linger for so long? Now I miss that feeling.

[just-a-girlblogger-deactivated2]

Do you think of me late at night?

[anvesha-v]

Someone once told me, "If you really like someone, being friends with them would be better than dating them."

I was too young to understand then, but I think I get it now.