♡🍂

Airpods ain't loud enough, I still hear the voices in my head💀

[anvesha-v]

'Cause it's not funny when they're in love with their bff 🙃💔

Although, it doesn't apply to everyone, but those kind of people suck who hide it just because they think it'd ruin their friendship and use someone else as their replacement.

What about the people who get used? Do they not deserve being loved back by someone they love?

[anvesha-v]

Unfortunately, people have a right to decline your love no matter how pure your intentions are. You are not what they want, and that's okay.

[anvesha-v]

Cause I didn't find the feeling love beautiful🙃💔

[anvesha-v]

Cause it sucks being in love🙃💔

[anvesha-v]

If only feelings left as easily as people did <3

[anvesha-v]

Someone once told me, "If you really like someone, being friends with them would be better than dating them."

I was too young to understand then, but I think I get it now.

[anvesha-v]

What does it take to make someone to stay?🙃

[anvesha-v]

🥶🙃

[anvesha-v]

My relationship will always be private but I'll never keep my partner a secret. There's a difference between privacy and secrecy.

[anvesha-v]

You know, 'cause it's okay to give up on those whom you've been holding onto for a long time🙃

Why should I text first is ego,

But why should I always text first is self-respect.

Remember that ;)

[anvesha-v]

12 am thoughts🙃 Just so...relatable?

[anvesha-v]

"I'm suffering from depression."

"Why are you depressed? Everything is so good in your life. I don't know why you're always this sad. Sometimes I think you're just being dramatic or you want everyone's attention, that's it."

Everyone tells you this when you tell them you're "suffering" from depression, don't they? People who have never dealt with depression think it's just being sad or being in a bad mood. That's not what depression is for me; it's falling into a state of numbness and grayness. It's so difficult to describe depression. It's not sadness. I know sadness, it's about crying and feeling. But depression is just the opposite. It's the cold absence of feeling. It's about trying to feel but failing miserably.

Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It's the fear of failure but no urge to be productive. It's wanting friends but hate socializing. It's wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. It's caring about everything then caring about nothing. It's feeling everything at once then feeling paralysingly numb.

If the silence doesn't kill you, the way people assume all is well without asking to find out would. Depression is not about having no friends, it's about having friends that don't care.

And the hardest part of coming out of depression fog is coming back into reality. While you feel better, you're instantly faced with the people and tasks you've neglected. No one talks about the guilt that comes along with that.

They'll tell you that you'll get over it and it's just in your head. They don't understand. It's not in my head, it's in me. Depression isn't a war you win. It's a battle you fight everyday. You never stop, never get to rest. It's one bloody fray after another.

So, I think it's better to give up on "them." Stop sharing your thoughts, because if they can't make it better, they have no right to make it worse either. Instead of making people understand you, try to be open, accepting, and loving toward yourself and what you’re going through. If you’re having a down day, have it. Let yourself feel the emotions — but don’t stay there. Today’s mood, emotions, or thoughts don’t belong to tomorrow. Do everything that used to make you happy.

And then one day you'll realize how beautiful it is to be alone but not lonely. No judgements and no talks. And when this day comes, you'll find your happiness all over again.

☆ This video is just about how parents assume we have everything and even then we're "stressed" and we're doing everything for attention or being dramatic just because we're teenagers. They neglect their own child's thoughts and judge them on the basis of what others say about them. They generally care when it's too late. They don't understand that if we wanted attention, we'd never have hidden it.

[anvesha-v]

Suicide doesn't mean there was no killer. It just means that not only one person could be blamed.

Suicide is the only thing you can control in your life. And that's why it's considered a sin. Because you're beating God at his own game.

And if you think suicide is selfish, then you've obviously never been suicidal.

It gets bad sometimes and you don't know what to do or where to go or who to tell because nobody really cares right? And when you do believe in someone and tell them, they think it's just for attention or maybe you're pretending. Maybe that's why people kill themselves. To end their misery, and everyone else's as well.

They don’t see the signs. They never do.

And if one day they wake up and you're gone,

There's no point of crying or grieving, or writing paragraphs about how much they loved you,

Because,

When you were alone in your darkest hours, they weren't the one that would stay up at night to make sure you were alright.

Don't know how people could be so cruel, because on some ways,

They were the reason you might have took your own life that night.

When you die,

They'd come to your grave and tell you they love you,

But it wouldn't mean anything then,

Because those words were the only thing you would've needed to stay.

But then again you can't talk or blame anyone else,

Because it's all just for attention, right?

Right.

[anvesha-v]

dessert date? 🤧

Who's paying?🙄

[anvesha-v]

And one day, your name didn't make me smile anymore. I didn't get butterflies in my stomach, neither did I feel giddy at the thought of seeing you again. I didn’t feel bad when someone else made you smile. I stopped waiting for your texts or thinking that maybe you would be missing me as well.

From everything to nothing at all, everyday to never at all, I've seen the way you've changed, I've seen the way you've changed me. From this optimistic girl to someone who forgot what love feels like.

How loving you felt like.

It's strange how we describe the beginning of love as "falling" when in fact, it is the end that is the fall.

Love raises us up, higher than we ever dreamed possible. And the higher you go, the greater the fall when it's over.

I learned a lot about falling in love when I fell out of love.

I learned a lot about being a friend when I was alone.

From being my love, to friends to nothing at all, I've come a long way.

Feels good to move on from somebody you thought you'd never get over, doesn't it?

[anvesha-v]

And all of a sudden, you walk into the room and I smile like an idiot thinking you might be looking for me. I know you try to hide your smile, remembering all those weird conversations we have had. Or, I don't know, it's just something I've made up?

I was never meant to love you. I like poetry and fuzzy pajama pants, the color blue and the smell of the rain. I like the feeling of riding those swings at the fair, the ones that only have a thin bar protecting you from free falling.

I like you. It's hard to describe this feeling. It isn't like falling or flying. It doesn't make my head feel fuzzy or the world fades into the background like in the movie shows.

It's desperate and...lonely. It's like waiting for you on the other side, knowing you'd never come but still looking for you everywhere.

It's the way that even your bad sense of humour makes me smile even though I don't want to. It's the fight between my head and my heart of texting you first because I know you never will.

It's chaotic.

It's unrealistic.

Just like,

You and me.

[anvesha-v]

You know, falling in love isn’t bad or wrong or even hard. It’s actually really simple, even if there’s no reciprocation. It’s the falling out that’s hard, but no matter how much you convince yourself otherwise, reciprocation is important. It’s what keeps the love going. Without it, love just dies out, and then it’s up to you. Do you bury it, or do you carry the dead body around? It’s a hard decision to make, but you have to do it.

And when you fall for someone you shouldn't have, you remember it. And everyone else remembers it as well. And the thing about everyone else remembering is that they don’t ever forget it. And they don’t let you forget it, either. They make you realize that you've done something you shouldn't have. They make it a crime.

But love isn't a crime. Not to me. Love isn't about age, gender or looks. Love isn't about asking someone to love you back. It's about loving. It's about finding that one thing you love and letting it kill you because you're going to die anyway. And what better way to go than at the hands of someone you love.

To love someone is firstly to confess; you have to be prepared to be devastated by them.

And I'm already devastated by him.

And it's not necessary that he loves me too; it's my love, it can be one sided. And I don't even want him to love me back, I just want him to tell me how much do you have to love someone so that they don’t love anyone else. And I'll love him that much. And it'd be enough.

And if he ever asks me what I can do for him in love, it would be that I'll stay. And if he wants to leave and I can't make him stay then I'll let him go. It's love--you can't force it on someone. The best you can do is make sure they know you love them and you're going to be there, always.

And if cutting me off helps his life in any way, I support it.