
if i look back, i am lost

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@omarapollos-blog
photos by everett
What’s it like to be gay and be like an out rapper? Cause I know of… I can count on one hand, it’s a very rare and beautiful thing.
sunmi - siren (mv teaser)
1999 WILDFIRE - BROCKHAMPTON
While I’m devoting my blog to the letters of Fiona Apple today, I might as well share this one that she wrote to me.
I met her very briefly before a show back in 2000, only a couple days after that Roseland meltdown, and I handed her a letter wherein I told her I was in my school’s gay-straight alliance and was wondering if she would write a sentence or two of support. “Could you say some nice stuff about gay people?”, basically.
Quite frankly, 16-year-old me was much more interested in interacting with a celebrity than building an alliance between gays and straights, but Fiona took me at my word and wrote me this really sweet letter. The show was on a Friday, and I got this via FedEx the following Tuesday, and she even apologizes for it taking so long. For much of the 12 years that have passed since these events transpired, this has been the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me.
I’ve met her a couple times since, but I never got a chance thank her for taking some time out and being so thoughtful, especially for a lonely weirdo like me. Maybe someday.
Hello Bill,
I got your letter a few days ago, but this is the first chance I’ve had to sit down and write (it’s my day off) Of course, I’d love to help – sign me up. As far as a few sentences go, here’s what I’ve got – I hope it’s OK:
It’s hard to conjure up some new profound way of commenting on this issue – I’m so tired of it being an issue at all, and I suppose I’m lucky, because I see the truth so clearly. All I know I want my friends to be good people, and when my friends fall in love, I want them to fall in love with other good people. How can you go wrong with two people in love? If a good boy loves a good girl, good. If a good boy loves another good boy, good. And if a good girl loves the goodness in good boys and good girls, then all you have is more goodness, and goodness has nothing to do with sexual orientation. A person who loves is a righteous person, and if someone has the ability and desire to show love another – to someone willing to receive it, then for goodness’ sake, let them do it. Hate has no place in the equation; there is no function for it to perform. Love is love, and there will never be too much.
-Fiona Apple
omar apollo in phoenix august 12th 2018