Sometimes winning, sometimes my jaw needs icing.

I donno I'm fucking bored okay whatever. Candy Draws is my art blog that never gets updated.

[archangelruind]

my friend is studying for the mcat and was just trying to explain to me about heat transfer and she said ‘you know, like the reason you get cold when you go outside on a freezing day is that your tiny human body is trying to warm up the entire universe’ and i think that’s the best thing i have ever heard

[telesilla]

I kind of needed this today. Thank you.

[herdirtylittleheart]

“…After much soul-searching about why the idea of my wife having sex with other men bothered me I came to a few conclusions: Monogamy meant I controlled her sexual expression, and, not to get all women’s-studies major about it, patriarchal oppression essentially boils down to a man’s fear that a woman with sexual agency is a woman he can’t control. We aren’t afraid of their intellect or their spirit or their ability to bear children. We are afraid that when it comes time for sex, they won’t choose us. This petty fear has led us as a culture to place judgments on the entire spectrum of female sexual expression: If a woman likes sex, she’s a whore and a slut; if she only likes sex with her husband or boyfriend, she’s boring and lame; if she doesn’t like sex at all, she’s frigid and unfeeling. Every option is a trap.”

— Michael Sonmore;What Open Marriage Taught One Man About Feminism

[herdirtylittleheart]

Hey Miss Heart, how have you learned to cope and manage jealousy? I know it's a feeling like other feelings and generally rooted in insecurities and fear, but I struggle with processing it. Do you tell your partner when you feel jealous? Do you let it wash in and hopefully, out of you? Thanks for any insight.

Jealousy is such a diverse thing in my experience. Sometimes jealousy comes in little pangs, you wince, breathe it away and move on. Sometimes it’s not painful, just annoying, like a fruit fly in your peripheral vision. Sometimes jealousy sits deep down, a dull ache, gnawing at you, quietly rotting. Sometimes jealousy pulsates and throbs a little, makes your cheeks flush and fuels your desire. Sometimes jealousy comes like a murderous thunder, your chest feels like it’s exploding, the intensity radiates through you like it’s trying to swallow you whole.

I’m not afraid to admit that I feel jealous often. The things I feel jealous about, the intensity of jealousy I experience, and the way I handle it depends entirely on the situation and the people involved. 

Jealousy can range in complexity from “I wanna go to the aquarium too” to “I want the kind of connection with you that you have with someone else”, so there’s no canned response here. 

Sometimes I just need a good night of sleep and I feel better in the morning. Sometimes I just need to be patient during an adjustment period. Sometimes I need reassurance, and I ask for it. Sometimes I need to distract myself.  Sometimes if I sit with the feeling long enough I realize I’m not really jealous, I’m afraid, so I speak up. Sometimes I need to talk a walk, or write, or do something creative as an outlet for the feelings. Sometimes I just have to cry and say “this sucks”. 

Sometimes I fill in the blanks with my own assumptions and insecurities, and when I talk to my partner I realize I’m feeling jealous about something that isn’t even happening in reality. Sometimes I need time alone to sort my head out. Sometimes I need to ask questions or understand my partners connections to others so I can feel more comfortable. Sometimes I need to reconnect with my partner, and let the things that feel so good between us soothe me. Sometimes I need to vent to another non-monogamous friend or internet pal, someone else who “gets it”. Sometimes I just need to feel jealous, and remember that this feeling will pass eventually. No feeling lasts for ever. 

One of the things that makes me jealous in a lot of my relationships is time. I don’t have a lot of it, my job and life responsibilities are demanding. So most often when I’m feeling jealous it’s not really about the person, it’s about them having more of a currency I lack. 

Stability helps me manage my jealousy. When I understand the landscape, feel secure in my place, and know what to expect I can reassure myself and handle even big challenges. 

Trust helps me manage my jealousy too. If I know I can rely on my partner to be honest with me, if I know I can trust their judgment, it’s easier to talk myself down from jealous insecurities that arise. 

As for processing jealousy, sometimes it helps to substitute another word for jealous and consider the skills you use to process other difficult emotions. How do you cope with disappointment? How do you cope with grieving? How do you cope with frustration, or sadness? Those coping skills usually translate well to jealousy too. These feelings are inevitable in life, just like jealousy, and we all have skills and strategies we use to help ride out the wave and move through them. 

Here are some things that help me to process:

Write down everything you’re feeling (without judging yourself!) and then tear the pages up, or burn them. Even if you just write FUUUUUUCK a hundred times it can be very cathartic.

Make a special date with your partner to soak up some quality time together.

Scream into your pillow, or cry in a hot shower.

If you talk to your partner about it stick to the facts, focus on how you feel, and what can help. Tell your partner what you’ve been doing on your own to manage your jealousy so they know you’re working hard behind the scenes too. 

Get to know the person you’re feeling jealous of, find something you have in common, or something you respect about them. The more human/real my metamours are the less intimidated I am by them.

Cuddle up with your partner and make a list of things that are unique and special about your connection (refer to the list when you need reassuring).

Don’t make yourself feel worse by combing through their social media. If you peek looking for something to feel upset about you will absolutely find something to feel upset about. If you can’t avoid it entirely try “putting it off” for as long as you can. Set a goal to check tomorrow instead of today, or challenge yourself to wait until 6pm to look, for example. Practise self-control even if you’re not all the way there yet. 

If there’s something reasonable that would help you to feel more secure ask for it, don’t expect your partner to read your mind.

Don’t beat yourself up about feeling jealous. It’s a very human feeling and nobody is above it, regardless of their relationship style or experience. 

Be kind to yourself, practice good self-care, treat yourself gently. Plan something nice for yourself. Focusing on your wellness helps to make you stronger. 

[xenosagaepisodeone]

sure he’s well versed in leftist theory but does he do the dishes

[victorianhouses]

Gingerbread house, Portland, ME by stevetuk

[delevingned-deactivated20151023]

[offbrandginger]

Me, putting on an ugly outfit: this is okay because i’m gay

[newyorker]

Dreaming of a Reading Bar

[sicksadsimpsons]

[hautebasics]

[midnight-charm]

Achok Majak photographed by Ibrahem Hasan for 10 Magazine Spring / Summer 2018

Stylist: Anna Trevelyan

[houseofenid]

HOUSE OF ENID / URBAN PARADISE EDITORIAL

[freundevonfreunden]

Zizek Meets Abercrombie & Fitch

The New Yorker has rediscovered a 2003 Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue which reveals that the editorial team invited contemporary critical theorist Slavoj Zizek to comment on the photos they had prepared. 

Read the full story here. 

[straightwhiteboyproblems]

Visit Original Link

[geckghost]

i can’t tell if she’s singing along or if she’s just mad as hell cuz it’s not her bday

[geckghost]

[lulxdd-deactivated20161010]

he was trying to sing along :-(

[memeufacturing-deactivated20161]

me: *is crying over my last breakup* tomatobot 3000: *tries to hand me another bowl of tomatoes* me: jesus christ not right now tomatobot 3000