I have a friend who has been struggling with addiction for a while. He recently got out of rehab and had already used by the time I saw him again. My thoughts were along the lines of "he's never going to get clean". Fast forward another week, and it's his birthday. We go to Denny's for free breakfast, we play music at the park, and all he wants is dope. He hits up his mom for money. I try to talk him out of it. Questions about if he really wants to fall back into the addiction cycle start, and his "junkie logic" says its his birthday, and he just wants to feel good on his birthday. I suggest any other drug... LSD, shrooms, coke, booze... Anything that won't send him spiraling. He states that psychedelics are too much, booze makes him feel shitty, and the only thing that makes him feel good is chasing that dragon. I threaten to end our friendship if he uses. I explain that my presence in his life is because I enjoy his company, and I want to see him get better. He repeats that it's his birthday, and he just wants to feel good on his birthday. His mom gives him $25 and a stop and shop gift card. He ventures to sell the gift card and I question my own morality. He's going to do it, whether I want him to or not. He comes back, and offers me some. I don't think this scenario is what the expression "if you can't beat them, join them" was intended for but I agree. He doesn't let me shoot up, and instead forms a line for me. It goes smoother than molly and barely burns. He then initiates his ritual, and soon we're both high. I didn't change instantly. I felt like my body was drunk. Numb and a little dizzy, I assess the situation. I reevaluate heroin all together. The high is really mild; I've been more fucked up. I'm not thinking of killing anyone, or doing anything that I wouldn't normally do. I'm not trying to get more, or stealing things, or questioning my existence. I'm relaxed and a little sweaty. "Comfortable" It's the administration combined with addiction that gets you. With any addiction, you don't feel normal without the substance. Using heroin is a dirty, dangerous process. The combo is what ruins lives, not the high of the drug. I never thought I'd feel this way. I never thought I'd think "Heroin isn't that bad", but it isn't. Again, addiction is the problem, not the drug.
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