I get judged about what I eat when we go out to a restaurant that has my favorite food and this is by my uncle that makes me feel like I'm childish for eating such a thing as chicken tenders and now he makes me hate going out and gets all excited when I order something else... I get it I eat something I've always had a kid but really? Just because I enjoy eating something that I've always eaten when I was little doesn't mean I should be told: "what was the point of you coming out to eat". I get it, I always get the same thing but I'm tired of being judged. Yes I know I'm 19 and yes I know I eat chicken tenders when we do go out but it doesn't mean I expand my pallet for other foods I just like something that makes me happy.
4 year year difference, same character difference design
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2022 Ray - 🌊⛈️🦈🔵⚫🌘🫧🕯️💎 a messy mix that I'm not sure what possessed me to make 😬
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2026 Ray - 🐺🚬💿⚧️ a blue wolf dog that is done with everything and everyone
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This was just meant to be a shading test with a little bit of lighting because I kind of want to update my skill on that and also if you're wondering what is going on with the eye in the second picture of the newer drawing, it's meant to be like the reflection of a camera flash ing back in the pupil thought that would be pretty cool to add
Here are some really old drawings from 2019. The one on the left is the very first digital art I've ever made
I hate my body thanks to my dad and a little bit hatred towards my mom because she kind of realize her ex-husband decided to do stuff along the lines of: sexual abuse, physical abuse, and severe violence to me and Now I will admit I did do something bad before, I did try to take stuff from my mom's house and got punished by both of them but for what I put in red text of the along the lines of it really was true and I was not helped at all, and yet my dad thinks that that he just did it as of regular punishment and he managed to get away with it all. I feel so disgusting even after all these years and I don't think I ever will be regardless of what I do with myself.
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I also will say I absolutely hate the way my mom talks to me through the phone. It's like she tries to make it sound like if I try to do anything even more related to a transition surgery, she tries to make it completely backwards, especially bottom and top surgery, I am not sure if I want to get bottom surgery but that's on my own choice but top surgery. I'm definitely doing it because I am tired of having breasts especially because the skin has been flaking up underneath them and it's going to make me concerned, either way she also loves mentioning STDs and especially just absolutely traum dumping on me like it's nothing and thinks that I'll be completely okay after that She needs to understand that I am not her therapist and I'm especially known her friend, I am her kid but between me and her and my dad The relationship between me and my parents is almost completely gone so that's great... And the thing is the last time she called me and I was about to eat dinner but she did not care at all and said: "I am your mother" and of course the usual stuff that she would say which is always annoying.
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Sorry for this rant, I've been feeling like hell within myself and wish I could just leave the house I'm in and start new. ...but I guess that might never happen, unless I become dead unless someone is willing to help which is highly doubtful :), I am terrible with myself especially when it comes to hygiene so who would want to help a smelly 19 year old person then? No one ha ha :D...
I don't understand why I have a problem with saying "thank you" to people when they buy me stuff, because recently when I went out to Goodwill two different ones for that matter I forgot to say thank you to my uncle and when I did try to say thank you and apologize at least like three times he just gave me the cold shoulder. I tried to apologize and say thank you. Even though yes it may have been a little late. It doesn't mean that I was not appreciative of what he decided to do. Yes I have a bad habit of spending money but I'm trying to cut out of that habit. So if I ever do get a commission which I guess at this point I don't say why I should even have them open. If I'm not ever going to get in another one then what is even the point of me going out and getting stuff if apparently I'm not appreciative enough for it...
I really wish I was taught better at everything, including money and being appreciative enough just because of it, but whenever I do something for someone it's always a very late. Thank you and sometimes it doesn't even sound like they're being genuine in it. I know that shouldn't really affect what I do or say, but it definitely does hurt me as well. At this point I didn't even know what I'm rambling about... I just wanted to say something on here because I barely use Tumblr at this point and venting is really just something that has been helpful in a way
A drawing of my friend's @one-blind-dog OC, Retro! Love the chubby guy <3. He is holding a gravity coil b/c he is originally based on a roblox character :3.
If anyone other than them is reading this you should go check out their art of him lol.
Sidenote: finally learned how to colorgrade? Hopefully it looks better.
Sorry if I haven't posted much lately, I've been busy and also due to recent incidents my grandma passed away two weeks ago and it's just been a whole mess of stuff so my apologies for no art or just any post for a while anyway... The last post I did was a day after she passed and I just couldn't sleep at all so that's why I put in the alternate text part of a song that I was listening to a lot which was "somewhere only we know" because that song reminded me of her and she was a very sweet and beautiful lady but she died from a heart attack in her apartment all of a sudden and we were just not expecting that to happen at all because the day before that she was completely fine and happy and even talking to us and then the next day... Nothing.
Update for anyone who cares: I'm almost done with high school :3
I've been working on it since 2023 send help (/j I'm doing well on my own)
Current GPA: 3.1579
I only have 6 more classes to unlock and then get to select which ending classes are going to do which some of them do feature Spanish I already have trouble doing English so I'm probably not going to do Spanish
The reason why I added a hashtag that's so James Madison is because that is the schooling I'm doing so I am really hoping that I am able to get my diploma at least by the middle or the end of 2026 I don't want it to go any longer up until I'm 20 because that would just be stupid
do you think I'd get my diploma before the end of 2026?
