Dad Sends His Little Girl Off to School in A Sundress
When spring finally arrived in Houston, Jef Rouner’s five-year-old daughter was ecstatic to wear her new full length, spaghetti strap sundress.
Rouner allowed it but, knowing that it was still a little chilly, he sent her to school with an extra outfit in case she got cold.
In his piece in the Houston Press, he says that when he picked her up that afternoon he wasn’t surprised to see her in her warmer outfit.
But when he asked her why she had changed, he was astounded to hear her reply.
“I had to change because spaghetti straps are against the rules,” she said.
“Five,” he said. “She’s five. Cut her hair and put her next to a boy with no shirt on and she is fundamentally identical.”
What made him especially angry was the fact that not only did the school make her put on a shirt to cover the spaghetti straps, but she also had to put her jeans on under her full-length sundress.
“[The dress] covers everything but her shoulders and a small section of her upper chest and back. She’s worn it to church…”
To Rouner, this occurrence highlighted two issues that, having a daughter, he knew he would have to deal with eventually: body shaming and sexism.
“I really didn’t think that I would have to face that particular dragon before she even entered a numbered grade.”
It was unfathomable to him that at age five, his daughter was being told that her dress — which was marketed for girls her age and purchased in her correct size — was inappropriate.
His wife suggested that Rouner, who is a writer, compose an opinion piece.
“Neither one of us have any patience for the concepts of body shaming or the restriction of what girls can wear based on how distracting they might be to boys.”
In expressing his dissatisfaction about the situation, he noted that the school district’s dress code policy makes no mention of male-specific rules.
He argued that when it comes to marketing for boys’ clothing, it is not comparable to the way clothes — particularly sundresses and mini skirts — are marketed to girls.
“There is no outfit you can go into a regular children’s clothing store and pick out for a boy in his size that he will ever be violating the dress code to wear assuming he wears it as intended,” he told Liftbump. “With a girl? That’s not true, and it’s wrong.”
Rouner is aware of the concept of “rape culture,” understanding that the idea of a girl with too much skin showing is “somehow opening the door to everything from commentary about her purity to outright assault” widely exists.
But to him, the fact that his five-year-old daughter is being punished for wearing a dress seethes unfairness.
A firm believer that there is no appropriate age for a dress code to be enforced, Rouner argues that a girl shouldn’t have to dress in a way that caters to making a boy feel comfortable.
He explained to Liftbump:
“Boys need to be taught that it doesn’t matter if the girl next to them is in a bikini or a burqa, it’s their job to learn algebra regardless, and how she’s dressed has nothing to do with them.”
He added that his only requirement for his daughter’s outfits are that they are comfortable, weather appropriate, and conducive to the activity in which she is engaging.
When situations like this arise in the future, Rouner urges his daughter to continuing asking, “Why?”
“The next time the kid wants to wear her dress I’m going to let her… And if anyone tells her to change I’m going to advise her to ask why and to keep on asking that person ‘Why?’ until she gets an answer she likes.”
He told Liftbump that, in his opinion, girls need to be taught that being forced to comply with arbitrary rules is not normal or right.
And his response to the argument that, “Rules are rules?”
“We’ve had an awful lot of rules that were ultimately found to be wrong… Not only could women not vote in this country at one time, there were women who thought that was a good idea.”
This is not an attempt for Rouner to speak for women. But he says that a significant number of women have contacted him telling him that they wish their own fathers had spoken out like he did. And for him, that is huge.
He has high hopes that this is a start towards taking things in the right direction.
“Address that issue of sexism with girls and boys head on. There’s not point in pretending that unfairness doesn’t exist and it won’t go away if we ignore it,” he said.
