Let's do this...I can't

[glfry]

Hi guys

[hotdoghottakes]

Me when something nice happens that day.

[zwagyzonk]

[camilleflyingrotten]

Back on the bench

And again, and again…

[incorrectsanderscharactersquotes]

Janus: Two years ago, I married my best friend. Janus: Patton is still mad about it, but me and Remus were drunk and thought it was funny.

[loganslowdown4]

Remus: Are you a painting?

Logan: I’m sorry—

Remus: Because I want to pin you to the wall.

Logan: *chokes*

Virgil: *sighs with relief* I thought you were gonna say you want to hang him, god that scared me—

Virgil: *realizing* Ew no.

[reejindeed]

[only-cat-memes]

[badjokesbyjeff]

A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer are all found guilty of treason and sentenced to death by guillotine.

The priest reads them their last rites, then the king orders the executioner to kill the physicist.

The executioner offers the physicist two choices: would he like a hood on or off, and would he like to be executed face up or face down. The physicist replies, “I spent my whole life studying the heavens. I would like to face the sky, with the hood on like night!”

The executioner positions the physicist and drops the blade… … and it stops inches from the physicists’ neck.

The priest cries, “It’s a sign from God! This man is innocent! Set him free!”, so the king pardons him, and orders the mathematician executed next.

The executioner offers the mathematician the same choices: would he like a hood on or off, and would he like to be executed face up or face down. The mathematician replies, “They all result in an equivalent state, but hood off face down is the most elegant solution!”

The executioner positions the mathematician and drops the blade… … and it stops inches from the mathematician’s neck.

The priest cries, “It’s a sign from God! This man is innocent! Set him free!”, so the king pardons him, and orders the engineer executed next.

The executioner offers the engineer the same choices: would he like a hood on or off, and would he like to be executed face up or face down. The engineer replies, “I have always loved machines, and there is no more elegant a killing machine than the guillotine. I will spend my final moments marveling in its beauty!”

The executioner positions the engineer and, as he’s about to drop the blade, the engineer shouts:

“I see the problem!”

[memewhore]

[najsigt]

‘I am so tired of my own voice’

[cannibalchicken]

[toastymcmarshmallow]

"Why do people watch youtubers play video games when they can just play the game themself?"

They can't afford the game or game system, but still wanna experience the game somehow

They're not good at the game because it's hard, scary, complicated, etc., but they wanna see what happens further in the game

They can't play video games for whatever reason (financial, physical, etc.), but still wanna see what the game is about

They like the person playing the game and like watching them

Fuck you, that's why.

(Add more if you like)

[more-incorect-quotes]

Logan: I think Janus is secretly poisoning me

Roman: Why??

Logan: Whenever I see him, my heart rate picks up and I start to sweat.

Roman: He’s not poisoning you, that means you like him.

Logan:

Logan: That bitch.

[totally-correct-mha]

Aizawa: [To the apprehended villain] Did you really have to stab Chargebolt? 

Villain: You weren’t there! You didn’t hear what that little punk said to me! 

Aizawa: What did he say? 

Villain: “What’re you gonna’ do? Stab me?” 

Aizawa: Sound’s like him.

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Roman: I can’t believe you still exist.

Remus: Trust me, I don’t even know how I got this far either.

[5am-the-foxing-hour]

Remus: Wait- hold on, I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Roman: Your mental stability?

Remus: No, no, you can't forget something you never had.

Roman: ... wait- what?!