Gay ♡

[onelovelyqueer]

“It’s so difficult to describe depression to someone who’s never been there, because it’s not sadness. I know sadness. Sadness is to cry and to feel. But it’s that cold absence of feeling— that really hollowed-out feeling.”

— J.K. Rowling (via wordsnquotes)

[onelovelyqueer]

“You’ve been hurt so much you don’t want to give anyone else the ability to hurt again. So you distance yourself. No one knows the real you and no one will know the real you as long as you think like this. You are going to meet someone crazy about you. You are going to meet someone who is absolutely in love with every single one of your flaws. The way you bite your lips when you’re nervous. The way your hair falls naturally even though you hate it. They’re going to understand your insecurities and tell you how perfect you are every day. They’re going to be patient with you when you’re anxious. When you can’t stop apologizing because people have always made you feel like you had to be sorry for just breathing. They’ll hold you when you’re feeling down and hype you up when you’re up. And they aren’t going to leave. But you can never allow yourself to find person if you are too afraid of being hurt again.”

— @shesthecutest

[onelovelyqueer]

“I’m just another conquest Waiting to be won Waiting to soon be disposed of I’m just another conquest A plaque for your wall A name in your book I’m just another conquest Who you will soon forget Who you will soon leave I’m just another girl Whose remnants you will leave behind Whose heart will lie shattered on your bathroom floor Whose body will remain scarred by your poisonous touch To you, I’m just another score.”

—

[onelovelyqueer]

Sext: Run your fingers through my hair again and talk me out of everything you know I’m desperate to do. Whisper, not sweet nothings, but everything into my ear. Remind me why I’m here. Remind me why I’m not yet gone. Sext: hold me again. Wrap your arms around me a million times and tell me everything’s going to be okay. Sext: pull me off of the ledge and sit with me until I no longer crave the death I deserve. Sext: stimulate my mental. Stay up and speak to me about your reason for staying when everyone left. Sext: I know why you left. Why you pushed me away. I know you were scared but I need you to come back. Sext: you’re back but it’s not the same. You’re back but the tension remains. You’re back but you no longer look at me like you used you. You’re back but you’re trying to make me hate you because pushing me away is easier for you than letting me stay.

[vodkakilledtheteen]

“People always talk about heartbreaks and I always listened but never put myself in their shoes. I never thought it was going to happen to me. We were going strong. Even the strongest wind in the middle of the Atlantic couldn’t knock us down. But secrets can always be kept and you don’t always find out right away. The way it was unveiled was slow and cautious. I think you didn’t want to make me go through a stupid heartbreak. You were telling me in the smallest ways for a whole month. Five kisses a day turned into one until they started tasting like the fruit you always hated on. I mean maybe it was someone else’s favorite and you just couldn’t help it. Your words started to kill every butterfly you gave me. The flowers that you replaced every week started to wither away and pieces of it started to fall to the floor. People always talk about heartbreaks but the truth is I went through an earthquake. I was unprepared because I thought we were the strongest, but then one day everything hit me and the life we had together was divided in half.”

— — Alexa Evangelista, random #2

[weltenwellen]

Wislawa Szymborska, from “Parting with a View”, Miracle Fair: Selected Poems of Wislawa Szymborska

[yawn-emoji]

my spotify playlist masterlist for all your quarantine needs

for lazy hazy afternoons

for when it’s past midnight and you need to dance to something trashy and pop

for when you can’t remember why you are still here

for rainy nights where you think too deeply

for when you’re only fifty percent human and the other fifty percent is something more feral and monstrous

for anxiety attacks and breakdowns

for when you only want to listen to sad white men singing about sad things

for when you’re drinking soda and the bubbles make your nose tingle

for feeling weightless

for when you’re walking on an uneven pavement and the sun is beating down your neck

for simultaneous crying and bopping

for when one more sad song might make you scream

for your bruised and tender soul

for pretending you’re in an upbeat indie electropop band with your three best friends and you’re all gay

for unconventional alternative love songs

for when you need a reminder of what living feels like because everything feels grey

for pretending you can afford all the things you added to your cart on sephora

for when you’re breaking your own heart

for drifting off into another world at night

for when you’re feeling stuck but also hopeful but also tired but also excited

for when you need your heartbeat to slow back down

for believing in love again

for daydreaming on a hillside under a soft sunset

for when you realize she has the most beautiful smile and looking at it hurts

for when you need the warmest coziest hug

for feeling as small as dust and as infinite as the universe, all at once

for when your heart needs to feel soft and easy and happy

for seeing the person you’re in love with and realizing you need to let them go and start moving on

for when you feel like you’ve been set on fire

for putting on makeup in the morning even though it feels like there’s no point but also you just want to look really fucking cute for no reason

for when you need to be eased into pulling yourself together

for summer days laying outside on your front lawn daydreaming about lemonade

for pretending you’re a depressed mermaid who lives in the arctic ocean

for when you’re daydreaming about the future so that you can forget for a moment how unhappy you are

for being transported back to 2012 when you were trashy and emo and cringey as hell

for staring in the mirror in the dark and thinking about the experience of womanhood

for punching walls and smashing people’s heads in

for cutting fruit to make into a cobbler because fuck you want to eat something cozy and comforting then

for when things are … not going quite how you thought they would

for when your life feels like an actual movie and you need to soundtrack it

for unwinding from a stressful day

for when you feel like a ghost running through a forest while it’s raining and foggy

for when you actually yell back for the first time and the adrenaline pumps through your blood

for when it’s raining outside and you’re staring out the window longing to run in the rain but instead you’re stuck inside

for feeling like you’re right inside of a black hole

for when you’re anxiety says something stupid to you and for once you know it’s wrong and you fight back

for when you need to feel bigger than what you are in that moment

for when you put your trust in someone and you’re terrified

for feeling inexplicably sad and upset and lonely

for knowing it’s okay to cry

for when it’s late at night and you can’t stop thinking about him

for haunting unholy songs that help you pretend that you’re a demon

for breathing properly, just when it feels like you’ll never be able to again

for feeling unformed and unfinished and unknown

for almost being at peace but something is nagging at you

for just really needing to hear james blake’s voice

for when you love someone so much but you can’t talk to them because the words don’t come out

for being a teenager at the fucking-things-up-and-breaking-rules stage of a coming-of-age film

[onelovelyqueer]

Anyone looking to buy pics?

[especially]

[real-demons]

[langleavpoetry]

[sunsetquotes]

“Two souls are sometimes created together and in love before they’re even born.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald; The Beautiful and Damned

[heavensghost]

Cavetown

[heavensghost]

[wishbzne-deactivated20210526]

“Instead, it gets dark early. And the rains get heavier; they carry the weight of dead leaves.”

— Louise Glück, from Harvest

[luckylluminati]

“She didn’t want to walk away but you didn’t give her any real reason to stay. And when she finally did, she kept looking over her shoulder hoping and praying that just maybe you’d tell her to stop. That you’d tell her you want her there or you didn’t want her to leave.

When she finally walks away it’ll be with tears in her eyes. Hands shaking. Her heart beating faster. Because she knows she deserves more than a love that lets her go in the first place.”

[luckylluminati]

“and four years later you’re dancing around your kitchen with a pint of milk in your hand. the windows are open wide, the neighbors are still awake, and they are watching you. they are watching you fall in love with being alive.”