Crying Over Ink That Just Wont Spill

a dumbass, in her natural habitat, attempting poetry

[oneodddork]

-{The Honest Truth}-

I am here

to express myself..

but I make it

dramatic

and vulnerable

[oneodddork]

If im the one who's supposed to lose

None of them get paid because they're stuck here with their victim; they have to wait for the gamble result that lefts them get away with it

Even me calling it out means I lose; I'm the one written off as crazy, the hurt one either way, comforting self with entitlement and juiced down wine

Hoping they didn't contaminate it this time too. Wish me free luck cause I don't play gambles, even when hope falls asleep.

[oneodddork]

Its not that I don't try,

Cause I do try.

I don't hustle.

[oneodddork]

Emotion is as still as the air

[oneodddork]

"Do you even care?"

Why, would it make a difference?

[oneodddork]

Why is your entitled asshole any more worthy than me

[oneodddork]

And yes, a peasant would know better than a king.

Ask your Jesus Fucking Christ about it.

He'd know best than the ones who believe in a penis driven God.

[oneodddork]

Paranoia looks like not knowing what you believe in more:

Ghosts,

Or people bullying their invasion into your house, your home.

But yeah, let's just hope its junk mail

And not signs that they're stealing, stole

Your mom's deed right from under her African American widowed nose;

Cursing every trickster god who'd laugh,

Allowing such a cruel sick, born to be screwed, is its own horrendous joke.

[oneodddork]

Never forget.

Men are just as fragile as the ones they abuse.

If not more so.

[oneodddork]

If resistance is key

i admit that i struggle with having the stamina to resist

But I still be resisting, talking off your head with the inspirations I see

Because my misery loves a distraction

And you adore me for how I end up distracting us both from shared miseries,

Burnout, at a time like this.

[oneodddork]

The way the heart feels after being heartbroken. The way it beats and bleeds again, split open still, intertwined with hope. Fearful but moving. Aching but loving.

[oneodddork]

Its ok that they left you behind;

Its ok cause you still survived.

Theres no need to hide your scars,

I'd still kiss them if they were mine.

[oneodddork]

The duality of life is what makes life so fucking stupid,

that all one can think to do

is laugh and

other cliches like that.

[oneodddork]

So much of us are hoping, fighting for and expecting recognition Meanwhile they call it begging for attention.

[oneodddork]

If anything,

I'm looking for someone who grounds me, not someone who buries me alive

[oneodddork]

Sometimes being an introvert is hard because I feel like I'm behind in the social evolution aspect of being human

Its a back and forth of I like my solitude but solitude makes it harder to rely on and trust others, have others, and it being my fault.

And then I begin to feel anxious about the realization that I'm not enough for myself because I haven't been open to others.

What would I do if something goes wrong and I have to lean on someone else, need to be helped, but fearful I'll be rejected from not being known and not being of society before that.

What if I'm all alone because I did it to myself, to my own detriment, when I thought I was just being myself and staying out of the way?

If i'm a traumatized introvert, the result is lack of community without a desire to pull up a chair, rejecting myself by nature because of a fear that I won't be understood, therefore I wouldn't be helped, or couldn't be helped if they wanted to, but always needing something I could only ever get from someone outside of me.

How do I shake that? How much of myself do I change before I am no longer naturally myself, causing myself more harm than good?

It often seems like all I could do is pull up a chair, bold and uncivilized, and wait to be kicked out, hoping that I won't.

[oneodddork]

My Likes, Whatevers, and Guesses show a writing style of something with accommodation

Because I've always known i dont know everything; but theres still something a personality adds i guess

Its not made, its what it is.