Dad Jokes

Hi kids i'm Dad. If you are a Dad like me submit your Dad jokes here. Now eat your greens and go to bed.

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Be proud and show off your true self! Our new Pride flag collection is available now here! 

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Individual links: Pride / Bisexual / Transsexual / Pansexual / Intersex / Asexual

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Dad Jokes by swatercolour

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My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo

So I had to put my foot down. 

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I asked my nephew how old his dad was and he replied "six". I said how can he only be six if you're six?

He said "because he's only been a dad since I was born"

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What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

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Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.

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A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.”

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Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!

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Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’

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Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? 
Because he was a little horse!

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Me: ‘Hey, I was thinking…
’ Dad: ‘I thought I smelled something burning.

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How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!

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Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

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Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, ‘Do you know why I can’t be buried there?’ And we all say, ‘Why not?’ And he says, ‘Because I’m not dead yet!’

[onlydadjokes]

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off

[onlydadjokes]

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.