OnlyGirlFeels

Suddenly had the urge to write as if I was 14 years old again, and rediscovering my love for books.

[onlygirlfeels]

I received a compliment recently, from my aunt whom I haven’t seen in a long time. She said that I was raising the kids right because she noticed that the kids would pick up their plates after eating and put it in the sink. It’s a simple thing I was taught as a child and have taught to my son, niece, and nephew, who are under my care. I thought I was doing poorly in taking care of them as I am always tired and irritable. But hearing those words from my aunt, though not that big of a compliment, made me realize I maybe doing something right.

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Merry Christmas!

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After a week of planning, working with fondant and gumpaste, not enough sleep, and baking, we’ve finally finished this seven tier cake.

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My eight year old son still believes in fairies. It started when his first baby tooth came off when he was five. He placed it under his pillow and when he was asleep, I replaced it with a coin. We’ve done it ever since everytime he loses a tooth. Sometimes he would talk to the tooth thinking the toothfairy could hear him, wishing for things like how much coins he wants to get.

Last night, after a long while, another tooth came off. I was so tired and fell asleep. I forgot about his tooth under the pillow. I woke up at four in the morning and opened my phone. I had a few messages to reply to then started scrolling on facebook. Then at around five, my son looked at me amidst the darkness with only the light on my phone, and told me, “Mom, go to sleep. Look, my tooth still here. The toothfairy didn’t come because you didn’t sleep.”

It’s like water was poured down on me when I realized I completely forgot. I couldn’t think of an excuse and just said I was sorry. I told him to go back to sleep as it was still early. But he couldn’t sleep anymore so I told him to go to the bathroom and wash up. When he turned his back I quickly hid the tooth and replaced it with a coin. I followed him to the bathroom and stalled him, telling him again I was sorry.

When he came back to bed, he laid down with his hand under his pillow. I saw him check his tooth again and I knew he found the coin instead. I looked away, making him think I didn’t know. I apologized again and told him to go back to sleep since it’s still early. Then he whispered, “Mom, look the toothfairy came while we were in the bathroom.”

The sun was almost up and I could see how big his smile was. Then he looked out the window and whispered, “thank you.” As if he was intending for the toothfairy to hear him.

Seeing him so happy and believing that it was real. It was so pure I almost cried. It felt like magic.

[onlygirlfeels]

These are my banana muffins with almonds and dark chocolate.

I changed half of the all purpose flour to bread flour. They look perfect!

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Our son’s Gengar cake. I baked and iced the cake then my partner sculpted and decorated it. Our son was really happy for his Gengar themed party.

I also DIYed Gengar lootbags/party favors.

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I edited this for my son’s birthday. He opted for a Gengar theme celebration.

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LV cake. Made of fondant syanped with LV logos and painted with edible gold dust.

Love how detailed it is. Only had five hours of sleep but it was worth it. Looks great to me.

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I believe this is Kitsune from the Roblox game Blox Fruits. I made this using fondant. It was for a cake order this morning. It took me about two hours to finish decorating the whole cake.

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Made almond buns and I drizzled it with chocolate ganache.

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And why is that? Eldest daughters are suffering.

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Good day. My family (my partner, our son, and me) are struggling financially at the moment. We are staying at my parents’ house and couldn’t afford to move out at the moment. Only my partner is working. I try to help by offering customized cakes, breads, and cookies. I get a few orders every now and then.

We are trying to raise funds for my education (I want to take Patisserie) so that I could have better job opportunities and hopefully give us a better life.

Any amount of help is appreciated. Thank you in advance.

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I horde books okay! Don’t judge me. I bought these and I’ve only finished reading two from this pile.

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My son’s katutubong kasuotan look for Buwan ng Wika. We DIYed everything. We bought scarves and random cloth from a thrift store. I search through Pinterest on how to wrap and tie scarves to make his outfit. I made his shield using cardboard box. My mother let me borrow some earrings to accessorize and I painted some tribal marks to finish his look.

We’re still bummed he didn’t win. He really wanted that trophy. He said he wanted to do better next year.

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My partner gave me these as a birthday gift. I’m so happy!!! Now I just need to find the time to read it while sipping tea.

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Found this at a bookstore. I love Alice in Wonderland. 🥰

Wish I could get a closer look. But it’s mounted up high on the wall.

[onlygirlfeels]

My heart feels heavy

When I am left alone, my heart feels heavy. Not because I am on my own, but because I am left to cook, clean, and take care of the kids.

I begin to wonder why. Is this my fault? Do they expect me to do everything because I’ve always done it? I don’t resent having a child. I just want the people at home to think of me; to know me; to ask how I am. For them to know that my heart feels heavy just by looking at me.

They can go anywhere they want without thinking about anything else. Go to the gym, take a hike, or other recreational activities they want to indulge themselves in. But I can’t do it and my heart feels heavy.

If I do things that don’t involve my child, if I go out to eat or even think of doing something for me, I feel like I’m being selfish and my heart feels heavy. I would always wonder if they’ve eaten at home or if they’ve brushed their teeth. Then I’m told ‘why are you always eating out?’ or ‘Why are you wasting your money on these?’

If I stop doing the things I do, I’m deemed irresponsible. If no one’s going to do the groceries, there’ll be no food to cook. Kids will be late for school with no breakfast or snack to take with them. Schoolwork will be left unchecked or even undone. And my heart feels heavier.

These haunt me — the why’s and the what if’s, so I accept that my heart will always feel heavy.