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REBLOG IF YOU WANT PREGNANCY RISK SEX BAD
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August 24, 2017
To the boy with the green eyes,
Remember the last time we saw each other? In your little blue carâŚ. We poured our hearts out to one another. We cried on each otherâs shoulders. I confessed my love to you. You confessed your love to me. But you didnât confess that this night was going to be your last.  You stopped by to pick up your (very) late Christmas present. You knew how bad I had been, and asked what was wrong. We walked to your little blue car, put the windows down on that cold chilly moonlit night, and talked. I told you everything that was happening to me: My ex-boyfriend and his new guy. A friend that I thought I could trust. And a lover that broke my heart. I also told you I was in a very dark place. Do you remember what I said to you? Iâm too ashamed to confess what I did to myself. Please donât make me say it. I donât want to see you cry again. Your beautiful emerald looking eyes donât deserve to have tears in them. They need to keep sparkling and smiling.Â
After we cried together, I confessed my love to you. I didnât expect you to say anything. I didnât expect you to feel the same way. I just wanted you to listen. I remember looking into those dazzling green eyes, holding your hand, and telling you: âI know this sounds cheesy. And I know that it may not seem true. But this is the truth. I promise. I love you. I love you so much. And I want to let you know that I will always love you. No matter what. I donât care if youâre with someone new. I donât care if Iâm with someone new. I donât even care if I havenât talked to you in months, or even years. I will always love you.â You didnât say anything. You just nodded as tears fell down your cheek from your watery green eyes.Â
Then, I asked you what you wanted from me. You said: âI honestly donât know. I donât know what I want. I never know what the right choice is. I never know what the right thing to do is. I always hurt you. I donât want to keep hurting you. We had a lot of fun. And thatâs all I wanted at first. And thatâs what happened. I liked you. I really did. A lot. Then things changed. I wanted to hang out with you every day and be with you every day. And we did that. I wanted to be closer to you. And we did that too. Then stuff happened, and I got scared. I donât know. I was scared to be happy. I didnât want to be in a relationship. I wasnât prepared at all for how I felt about you. I didnât know how to take it to the next level. I didnât know how to be your boyfriend.âÂ
These words still bring tears to my eyes.  Itâs as if we are star-crossed lovers; forever living different paths in our lives that donât have any connection in the end, denying us of any chance of living a life together. But how can that be when we are existing at the same time? Youâre alive. Iâm alive. And I have never felt more alive with anyone else than when Iâm with you. Just the way you look at me with those alluring eyes is what convinces me that you are in love with me too. So why arenât we together? Why are you with someone else? Why are you with her? Is it because she can give you a family? Is it because you want to believe sheâs the one for you? Not just you though, for your whole family. Sheâs someone they will accept. Nobody would accept me into your family. I think we both know that for sure.Â
Two hundred and twenty-one days have passed since that night happened. Iâve gone through many stages of: Hating you. Worrying about you. Wondering if youâre dead. Wondering if youâre alive. Pretending youâre dead. Wishing for your presence. All while still loving you. Itâs torture. I donât know if I should give up. Or if I should keep waiting for you. Because a part of me feels that I will never find anybody like you. Nobodyâs going to look at me the way you did. Nobodyâs going to touch me the way you did. Nobodyâs going to care about me the way you did. And nobodyâs going to understand me the way you do. Every time I talk to someone new, I compare them to you. I know thatâs wrong, but itâs true and I canât help it. Thatâs when I start to believe that theyâre not good enough for me. Because I need to find somebody thatâs so good that they make me forget about you⌠I know thatâs not fair and I think thatâs what keeps me from letting people in. I put this steel cage around my heart when you left me, and youâre the only one with the key to open it. I just wish you would talk to me. I wish you would tell me to move on, but your silence speaks louder than words. It drives me crazy; leads me to believe that I did something wrong, but I didnât. Maybe itâs your way of keeping me in the sidelines when things get bad with you and her. I donât see how thatâs fair, but I love you so much that I donât care. Iâll take any excuse you give me to come back, so long as I get to see your face again. Iâm sorry. Iâm sorry for getting close to you. Iâm sorry for burdening you with my problems. Iâm sorry for loving you. Iâm sorry for all of this. Maybe things wouldâve been simpler if we just didnât meet. But as people say, âTwo souls donât just meet by simple coincidence.â I start to wonder why you came into my life. Or was it I that came into yours? I wonder if youâll ever come back to me, even as a friend. I miss you. I miss you so dearly. Please stay alive while I exist. Whether itâs a year or ten, I will wait for you. Because I love you, and I want to believe that we are meant to be together. I want to wake up every morning to those lovely green eyes of yours.Â
I forgive you. I forgive you for pretending that I donât exist. I forgive you for leaving me with no explanation. I forgive you for choosing her over me. I forgive you  for falling for me. I get it now. We are just simply not meant to be. But that doesnât mean Iâm okay with that.Â
You know me⌠You know I always have so much to say to you. You know I could write books about my love for you. But I have one more important thing to sayâŚ. Happy birthday.Â
Love always and forever, The boy with the brown eyesÂ
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When his mean side makes you wet and his brutal side makes you even wetter.
I just want to crawl in bed with someone I care about and have my heart feel at home again and watch movies and talk about random stuff for hours
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