OnlyTheBullshit

Chicago Bulls' Shit from the confused mind of a fan who grew up with MJ and matured with Dalibor Bagaric

[onlythebullshit]

Peace Marquis

Let the Tornike Shengelia era begin!  Can you say championship?  I mean we can't have a season go by without the token European on the team, first Asik, then Bellinelli, and now Shengelia.  It just makes sense.  And that sense being that we get an expiring contract in return so we get as much flexibility this off season.  While I did like Teague, namely because I'm a fan a Black people's pencil mustaches,

we gotta save money anyway possible. 

Also, Shengelia is from Georgia, basically Eastern Europe, which coincidentally enough is where Svengali is from.  Honestly, I'm a little spooked.  All he needs to know though is that this is Svengoolie's town and he's just living in it.

[onlythebullshit]

Toodle Lu

So we traded Luol Deng.  As much as I love Lu it was inevitable.  In reality if we wanna make a splash this off season and finally get Mirotic the Montenegrin (kinda sounds racist) to leave the Spaniards we had to do this.  We can't let him walk and get nothing in return.  Yea I'm getting sick of these fucking conditional draft picks and would have liked some more tangible assets, but having pieces to use moving forward is never a bad thing and we may have lost one of those pieces this off season.

So this also means we're going to be amnestying Boozer this off season which has basically became a forgone conclusion after his first season here.  I'm not a Boozer hater...or a Boozer lover so he can kick rocks for all I fuckin care.

P.S.Please no Melo.

-onlythebullshit

[onlythebullshit]

Jimmy Butter had to have slammed his foster mom

Look at that stare just screaming I'm gonna bring da ruckus to that ass tonight.  Just wants to do what he did to Bosh to her.  In reality he definitely didn't, but in reality I definitely would.

Pretty cool short documentary here about his upbringing and his foster family.  Easily my favorite part is later on when he for some reason randomly has a guitar when he and  his foster mom are getting interviewed and does absolutely nothing with it.

-onlythebullshit

[onlythebullshit]

If the Pip gets hit you must aquit

NOT GUILTY!  In huge news Scottie Pippen is let of the hook for goin in heavy against some drunk dude in Florida.  Just straight dominating the prosecution Pat Ewing style.  This is huge news for Bulls fans everywhere because we can hardly lose one of our basketball ambassadors to jail and think we could have a good year, let's just hope Stern goes easy on him.  I mean who else are we gonna get to sit courtside with their hot wife and cheer on the Bulls. 

The person being forgotten in this is the waiter.  He probably went through a pretty big ordeal with what Scottie and this guy did and the aftermath so he had to have gotten a pretty nice tip right?

-onlythebullshit

[onlythebullshit]

Bill, it's whats for dinner

Completely forgot this happened, but stumbled across this post about the McDonald's Beef Wennington, the burger named after the Canadian Calypso,  the Fonz of St. John's, our big lovable radio man, and one of the mandatory goofy white guys on the 2nd 3-peat team, Billy Wennington.  Honestly, can't remember if I actually had one of these or not when it came out, but I hope to God I did, even though this sounds like a pretty terrible burger.  Really only redeeming qualities are the bacon, BBQ sauce, and cheese.  Can't knock the man's love for Mickey D's though. 

I think this video of him showing Eddy Curry and Tyson Chandler around town pretty much sums up this burger and his love:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tL97aY7iKEI

I mean Bill Wennington was basketball royalty, the Duke of Wellington was English royalty.  He took them to Dave and Busters and didn't order food, I mean you can't get a better steak in an arcade setting than there.  Then he ditches them for dinner obviously because he's to embarrassed to take them to McDonalds.  The video ends with him telling them he's Will Perdue which makes me wonder how there was no marketing campaign with him and Perdue Chicken.

So now, current roster, funny food puns, go:

Baby Back Thibs - Chili's get on this shit

Jimmy Butter - Land O'Lakes all day

Soft Snell Crab Sandwhich - Red Lobster staple, and Tony Snell definitely loves Red Lobster

Booze Battered Fish - AND ONE side with hot sauce

Something clever with Rose petals - I saw a Chopped where they used them before

Daequan Cookies

Alright fuck it these are all terrible except for maybe Baby Back Thibs, I kinda like that one.  Though I really had no chance going up against the legend that is the Beef Wennington.

-onlythebullshit

[onlythebullshit]

Tony Snell still on drugs

Lookin good Tony, looking good.

[onlythebullshit]

Boom-shakalaka

MJ rattling the rim at the half century mark.  Just straight Costanzaing this kid on his way to the hoop.  I love the other kid next to him clapping his hands trying to get MJ to pass the rock, c'mon kid no one want to see your limp dick shot when we got MJ in the building.  Go learn to tie your shoes then get back to me. 

I love the MJ "don't mind me just wearing blue cargo pants as I throw it down" look.  People make fun of the way he dresses, but I fucking love it.  Can't wait till I turn 50 and just stop giving a fuck.  All these assholes my age complaining about getting old, but it can't get here quick enough for me.  Being a weird outta touch old guy is one a few things I'm looking forward to in this life, and no one can take that away from me.

[onlythebullshit]

2013-2014 Schedule Highlights

The NBA released the regular season schedules two nights ago and you can take a look at who we got here.  I'll try hit on some of the interesting and not so obvious games because we all know which teams we want to see the Bulls play, all game times in CT.

Bulls at Heat, Oct. 29, 7 p.m.  DRose's first regular season game back, Heat getting their rings, nough said.

Knicks at Bulls, Oct. 31, 7 p.m.  Home opener on Halloween, things are gonna get real spooky.  Mummy strippers?  Anyways, the UC is gonna be absolutely bonkers for this.  We're gonna turn Metta back into Ron and have him fall back into his old habits at the UC, hittin the Hennessy hard at halftime after what we're gonna do to them.  This is the one game I'd be ok to have Rip back on the team solely for the mask.

Bulls at Bucks, Dec. 13th, 7:30 p.m. If you're as broke as I am then this is one of the few games we'll be able to feasibly attend and that's only because it's in Milwaukee. 

Bulls at Brooklyn, Christmas Day, 11:00 a.m.  NBA Basketball on Christmas day is better than any present I'll ever get.  Only way I get through spending that much time with my family for 2 days straight is the free beer and these games.

Raptors at Bulls, New Year's Eve, 6:00 p.m.  Get a quick W then go out and get fucked up in the city with JoNo and Co.

Lakers at Bulls, Jan. 20th, 7:00 p.m.  Gonna be a good day, off work for MLK day (if I have a job by then) and my time honored tradition on MLK day of blunts and 40's on top of getting to watch this game. 

Nuggets at Bulls, Feb. 21st, 7:00 p.m.  This game has double implications because it'll be Nate Robinson's first time back in the UC, not counting the preseason, and will probably be the first game after the trade deadline.  I doubt we'll make any moves, but with constant Deng trade and Boozer amnesty rumors who knows what the team could look like for this game.  LaMarcus Aldridge or Kevin Love anyone?

Thunder at Bulls, St.  Patrick's Day, 7:00 p.m.  We get to watch the Bulls and one of the best teams in NBA go at it as we proceed to get black out drunk, AND I get to rock my green Kirk Hinrich jersey shirt which is basically my prized possession.

Celtics at Bulls, Mar. 30th, 6:00 p.m.  Bulls at Celtics, Mar. 31st, 7:00 p.m.  I know the Celtics aren't what they used to be, but I always love these back to backs against the same team.  Bulls usually get one of these each season and I just like being able to see the adjustments the teams make to each other, kinda like a mini playoff series. 

So those are the games I'm looking forward to.  As a general season outlook we got 17 back to backs which is about 4 less than we normally play so hopefully Thibs still stays true to the decreased minutes he promised, 33 nationally televised games including NBA TV games which I don't really like because that usually means less of the King and Funk for us (Fun fact:  Neil Funk was the play by play announcer for NBA Hangtime) , and we got an easy April so hopefully we can get our guys rested and healthy then to get ready for the playoffs.

-onlythebullshit

[onlythebullshit]

A shot at Ehlo

Craig Ehlo just can't catch a break. Having MJ dropping game winners in his eye, getting arrested and held down by your family after you decide to burn all your clothes. I'm guessing that argument with his wife was about his fashion sense and this was just a power move.  "Oh you don't like the way I dress?  How about I fucking burn all my clothes and almost our house down then."  Pretty well played in my opinion.  He didn't really have any other options.  I think his wife may have had a point though.

I mean argyle sweater vest?  C'mon Craig step your fashion game up.

I love how it says he's ordered to stay away from fire starting materials too.  I'm curious what that entails cause basically anything can be used to start a fire.  Your stove, magnifying glasses, sunlight, and rocks are just completely off limits?  Good luck making some pasta. 

I'll just put this here for good measure.  Easily the greatest call of a play in the history of sports.  R.I.P. Johnny Red.

-onlythebullshit

[onlythebullshit]

You come at the king you best not miss

Pedro Pinto: "Best player in the league right now?"

Derrick Rose: "Derrick Rose"

Pedro Pinto: "Yea?"

Derrick Rose: "Yea"

Love it.  Absolutely love it.  That "yea" by DRose is probably the maddest I've ever seen him too.  But remember, you come at the king you best not miss.  We all know what happened to Omar, at least any self-respecting TV viewer does, and the same is gonna happen to the likes of "King" James .  We're opening the season in Miami where they'll be getting their rings and it'll be DRose's first regular season game back. Perfect motivation for this team to fucking destroy Miami like the last time we opened the season against them after they won a championship, sweep them in the playoffs and begin the road to our 7th title.

P.S.  How much shit did Pedro Pinto get in school with that name?

-onlythebullshit

[onlythebullshit]

PMW

So we got this picture of Jimmy Buttah that came out a few days ago which he has since clarified that he doesn't endorse the shirt.  He claimed he wore it just cause it matched his shoes which either means he's illiterate or its complete bullshit.  As much as I'd like to picture him like Charlie Kelly looking down at his shirt after someone comments on it and be like, "naw man it says, PARTY MUMMY is WIERD, just imagine a mummy partying with us! " that's not the case. 

I know for a fact he endorses this cause my friends who went to Marquette have smoked blunts with him and he's a red blooded American so he has to love pussy and money.  Either way I'd like to think he probably went to the strip club, sparked a blunt, and made it rain after this, possibly on a mummy stripper. 

P.S.  I NEED a strip club filled with mummy strippers, how hot would that shit be, just so much mystery behind them.  Imagine the monster mash playing in the background while she slowly unravels her outfit, sign me the fuck up.

-onlythebullshit

[onlythebullshit]

State of Nate's Fate

So as of 2 days ago it is official that Nate Robinson won't be coming back with us for next season.  We all knew this was inevitable, but still the finality of it stings a bit.  What also stings is the lack of respect he got on the market, cue the chart:

Nate got 2 years 4 mil and Monta got 3 years 25 fucking million dollars, absolutely absurd.  Yea being able to create shots in the paint is pretty important and the Mavericks were desperate, but still. 

Nate single handily kept the casual bulls fan base at attention this year and kept our mind off DRose as much as it was possible.  I wasn't to happy with the signing at the beginning of the season mostly because he made me hate the dunk contest and I thought he was annoying as fuck, but oh how things have changed.  Those first 8 games in the playoffs were unreal, reminiscent of '09. 

I can honestly say that Nate is now one of my favorite players to put on a Bulls jersey even if it was for one year.  He joins the likes of Andres Nocioni, Brad Miller, Eddy Curry, downtown Randy Brown, Rusty LaRue, Luke Schenscher (has a posse), and Jannero Pargo simply for that game 5 against the Wizards, for the random Bulls players that I love.  It was for the best that we didn't resign him with 3 healthy PG's and it probably wouldn't have allowed for the Dunleavy signing.  I'm sure Stacey King is a little disappointed too because Nate is just unlimited ammo for his ridiculous calls.  I wish Nate nothing but the best in Denver and will be a fan of his for the rest of my life.  I'll leave you with this, Nate just gettin his pimp hand strong.

-onlythebullshit

[onlythebullshit]

Summer Bulls

Bulls finished up the LVSL on Friday by beating the Mavericks to finish 4-1 with their only loss, of course, coming from the Heat.  From what I've seen (none) and read (surprisingly large amount) it was mostly just a means for getting our players already under contract some reps before training camp.  Since finishing we've waived Malcolm Thomas mostly because he had a contract that would guarantee him $250,000 if they kept him past July 24th and put them even further into the luxury tax especially if they still wanna sign another center.  Thomas is a 4 and what we need is a 5 since we already have a stretch 4 Erik Murphy under a partially guaranteed contract for cheaper.  (Speaking of Murphy, he broke his nose twice during summer league let's just hope to God he doesn't start wearing a mask.) 

Already being in the luxury tax probably means we won't be signing the mini mamba Andrew Goudelock either because, well, Jewry Reinsdorf.  So the search for a second saggy pair of balls to put at center continues.

-onlythebullshit

[onlythebullshit]

100%

A couple days ago while still in Europe DRose told reporters, "I should be able to play in the first game of the season, I know I'm anxious right now to play. My health is everything right now, it's 100 percent."  I don't want this should be able to play bullshit I want him saying he's gonna have the Wiz tasting his Brazilian nuts in Rio.  None of this 100 percent garbage either, by this point he should be 3hunna percent like another Englewood native.

Another thing I don't like about this tour is all this press that he's doing and I know this is a tour it's the whole point of the thing, but we had to sit the entire season with our thumb up our ass watching these #The Return videos and never see an actual interview with him.  Now he's doing talk show spots with Borat.  Seriously, the show is called The Ami G Show, Borat was on Da Ali G Show did they not piece that together.  This dude is ready to blow him at any point, what kind of self respecting person asks for an autograph on air.  I'm 23 and I feel I'm too old to ask for an autograph I'd say the cutoff age is 17 for me, asking for autographs that is, but I guess Serbians are just squids in general.  

-onlythebullshit

[onlythebullshit]

R.I.P. Rip

Sorry can't pass up a good pun, but anyways a decent amount of random Bulls news goin on so I thought I'd hit on a few of them.  The first being D-Rose just straight swimming in exotic pussy on his Adidas European tour. 

Is this for real the broad Croatia has to offer I would expect some hot ass blonde tennis teenage phenom out there holding Drazen Petrovic's jersey, who DRose I'm sure has no fucking clue was and neither did I til I googled him. 

Before this, DRazen sorry DRose was in Spain the same time the running of the bulls went down.  Seriously?  He can cross up gay leprechauns on horses, but can't run the point in Pamplona.  We got sexy Rexy hoppin fences like he's at the U.S. border and can't get DRose out there.

On second thought following in the footsteps of a Jet probably isn't the best idea.

Next we got lil Booze on the Bulls summer league team which is basically a parting gift for Carlos after we amnesty him next season.  More importantly his name is Charles which in Spanish is Carlos which basically makes their parents fucking insane.  Which makes sense why Carlos is also fucking nuts always talking to himself and groping the ball every dead whistle just a little coping mechanism.

Rip Hamiliton got waived today.

In other news, we officially signed Dunleavy Jr. today which I'm a huge fan of and if you're not you're an idiot.  I just picture Sr. like the coach from Air Bud throwing balls at the kid till he starts crying, that's the kind of toughness I need in my players. 

Granted we still do need a big man to back up Noah because even though nasty Naz is an OG we still got one spot left that we'll probably offer a vet min to and it has to be for another big man.  Which has us lookin at 2 former Bulls Elton Brand and Aaron Gray, Samuel Dalembert, Jermaine O'Neal, and the like, basically the cream of the crop.   Let's just hope another former Bull, albeit only draft night, LaMarcus Aldridge gets his trade pushed through and works something out with Chicago which is where he reportedly wants to go.

P.S. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ll9s7twDbbQ).....goosebumps.  and even if it's a gay Star Trek mash up.

-onlythebullshit

[onlythebullshit]

Trouble in Paradise

So the Bulls fired Ron Adams Thibs' top assistant which begs the question what the fuck is going on in the front office.  This dismissal makes no sense really the only thing that seems plausible is that this is a power move by GarPax.  First they're beating the shit out of Vinny, and now they're firing top assistants/close friends. 

I guess this is what set the 90's Bulls apart, you cross Pax he's firing your best friend, you spit on Scottie's daughter and drop a N-bomb ya gettin knocked out.  Going for the jugular is just their instinct, they can't help it, if anyone's to blame here it's MJ. 

This may be a good omen though seeing as MJ fucking hated Crumbs when he was putting together 6 championship teams.  D Rose is incapable of hating anyone so the next logical person has to be Thibs to hate GarPax.  I mean if we want to win some championships someone has to hate them and if it has to be Thibs so be it.  Let the Adrian Griffin era begin.

-onlythebullshit

[onlythebullshit]

Tony Snell definitely does drugs

By the looks of this video I can now say for certain that Tony Snell is definitely on drugs.  I thought it may have been crack yesterday, but after mulling it over it's gotta be Heisenberg's blue sky that's just wreaking havoc on the minds of New Mexicans. 

I mean we all know D-Rose has got to be pretty fucking dumb for failing the ACT 3 times, but at least he can hold a coherent conversation.  Tony just taking it to another level, "No I didn't lose no games, I was the center, I was the only tall guy on the team, so I had to play"  "We we both play defense really good you know we're really good defense we both play hard too so" 

But I do think this meth addiction could parlay into some good improvements in his game.  As long as he's got his meth head super intense focus on things like defensive rotations and footwork rather than getting all the bugs off his skin I think we should be good

-onlythebullshit