fucking hey lmao. can't believe i was able to get into this email.
I don't know if a soul who still follows this blog is even still active on here; this is just the oldest blog i have access to. I dunno who I'm writing this post to: you or me. God knows who this is for. I'd just feel bad poking my nose in and not saying a word.
I'm gonna try not to turn this into an OCD-induced apology, trying to reach people who are no longer here in hopes I can make up for years of harm that may or may not have happened. Had I rediscovered this account several years ago I likely would have tracked people down and then nuked everything out of deep shame. My specialist wouldn't be happy. At the end of the day, it's my blog. And I can do whatever I want with it. Maybe doing this will put this hazy era of my life to bed. I dunno. I'll talk to my specialist about it.
I wrote a whole thing here and deleted it because it got way too personal. But the long and short of it is if you knew me when i was 14 or 15 or 16 or like ever up until. Super recently. You got to know a Very sick layer of someone who was trying to cope with very awful things. I'm sorry you had to meet that deeply wounded, deeply sick version of me. I have not killed that person, they are still me. I am still responsible for the worst of me.
I won't find any answers trawling through these old posts and my old likes.
If you're my rapist : fuck you, you know what you did. Coercion is still rape.
If you're anyone else: i hope youre well and healing
