6 for sol !!! (said evilly)
6. How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they like who they are? What would they want to change about themself?
LOOORDD this IS evil!! For the uninitiated, Sol is the result of me asking myself “what if I made the king of Ovenna Prince Hal/King Henry V (tone tag Shakespeare) and he was turbo gaytrans and his kingification was an explicit re-closeting and he’s been the saddest most miserable man* alive for ten years by the time we see him. And also he was too lame to conquer France”
Sol is extremely uncomfortable in his own skin :( Obviously there’s the physical aspect to this - he went Man Mode when his mom died and he Locked TF In and has been presenting exclusively as a man for a decade at this point. He doesn’t have an issue with looking masc, but the dysphoria he experiences comes from feeling trapped in that one presentation and being unable to explore anything else out of fear. However, there’s also a psychological aspect to it. Even when he was transmaxxing with his lowlife besties who used any pronouns for him he would only use he/him in his own narration. It’s not that he doesn’t know he’s genderweird, he was just too wary to commit with the knowledge in the back of his mind that he would have to king it up one day. So even when he was outwardly allowing himself the kind of self-expression he craved, he was still kind of in mental chains about it and has never fully been able to accept and explore that part of himself.
This also kind of applies to his lack of attraction to women and asexuality, however that one is a little more self-accepted. It’s in a bit of a fatalist way where he understands it’s pointless to try to force attraction but he also will NOT allow himself to have any crushes because that’s gay :/ With the power of his mind he can stop the gay thoughts before anyone realizes and calls him gay again. Surely this repression ability will not start to crumble after ten years and shape geopolitics in any way,
As for the last two questions, those are a bit more complicated. He does not like who he is but moreso because he sees himself as failing in his role as king rather than because he has some inherent issue with his own gay or transness. He thinks being gaytrans is chill and awesome and he is even pushing to legalize gay marriage for everyone else! He just does not think he personally is allowed to do it because he has to be Thee King. He isn’t even a bad administrator, but he has been told pretty much his entire life that he lacks the inherent qualities of a monarch and he’s internalized that to an insane degree so I don’t think he’s ever really been able to like himself. There’s also The Guilt™️ from the heinous shit he does as an adaptation of the end of Henry IV Part 2 but I will be keeping some of that under wraps >:) and that’s complicated because he does truly think he needed to do it and it was the move of a good king but not a good person.
In terms of what he would change about himself… honestly I will have to rotate that one a little further because the precise answer is evading me. He does have a lot of regrets, but barring one large thing he also does believe that everything he did was necessary for The Kingening even if he hated doing it. He feels too duty-bound to the nation and to his mother’s memory to throw that into jeopardy, but he also does truly value the time he spent goofing off with his peasants #hispeasants and wouldn’t want to do away with that either. I think in the end, he would probably just wish the transition to King Mode was easier and came more naturally to him. And also possibly that he didn’t have turbo PTSD from his one (1) experience in combat so he didn’t have to avoid war like the plague
