Signs of manipulation by abusers
Changing moods abruptly and frequently so that you find it difficult to tell who they are or how they feel, keeping you constantly off balance. Their feelings toward you are especially changeable.
Denying the obvious about what they are doing or feeling. You know what they did — and so do they — but they refuse to admit it, which can drive you crazy with frustration. Then they may call you irrational for getting so upset by their denial.
Convincing you that what they want you to do is what’s best for you. This way the abuser can make selfishness look like generosity, which is a neat trick. A long time may pass before you realize the real motives.
Getting you to feel sorry for them.
Getting you to blame yourself or other people for what they do.
Using confusion tactics in arguments: subtly or overtly changing the subject, insisting that you are thinking or feeling things that you aren’t, etc. You may leave arguments feeling like you are losing your mind.
Lying or misleading you about their actions, desires, or reasons for doing things, in order to guide you into doing what they want you to do.
Getting you and the people you care about turned against each other by betraying confidences, being rude to your friends, and lying about what you supposedly said about them, and many other divisive tactics.
adapted from bullet list in Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, pp 66-67
