The crappiest ship-fics you'll ever find. If it's your first time, please read the Before You Begin Reading. It will help you know how to read these garbage piles.
You wake up in a house you dont recognize. It is made out of bricks and also has carpet nd stuff. You’re a on a super comfy bed. It’d be nice to go back to sleep becuz it’s so comfy but you gotta find out where you are. It might be dangerous!! Or if it’s not goingn to bed again would be rude and you’re not rude you’re very nice and always have good etiquette. Oh man the door is opening!! A really really handsome guy walks in. He’s tan and hsa brown hair and a cute beard and his shirt is mostly tucked in but a little bit isn’t omg he’s so hot!!!1!! *squeee* (>//////////<)
“Hey are you okay?” he asks with his super smooth silky manly hot voice. You blush a little bit and say “Yeah I’m okay, thanks for rescuing me”. He smiles just a little bit and you just wanna kiss him!!!! jk you thkn he looks cute but you are polite and just smile back. He blushes a little too but turns away so you can’t see.
“If you feel better, you can go home now. It’s daytime so it’s safe from monsters and also i can walk you back.” he says.
“Oh no it’s okay I don’t want to bother you” you say because you don’t want to bother him.
“It’s not a bother” he says and is blushy again. He is being so nice so you decide to lert him walk you home back to your house. You want to see your cat and dog again after all. “Well okay you can take me home then. Thank you very much” you say.
“I’m glad I can help you.” he says. You guys leave his house and then he asks you where your house is. You use your really good navigating skills to figure out where to go. He is very impressed by how smart you are. You thank him for thinking that but you’re not all that great. It’s cause you’re also really humble so you don’t know how to be confident in yourself. But hanging out with this guy is fun, maybe you could be friends??? That would be nice. You start walking through the forest together but suddenly you have to stop!!
You go home to your small home in the mountains after a long day of mining. “Oh wow what a rough day it was. At least I got a lot of diamonds.” you say to yourself. You are a really great miner. You get at least 6 diamonds everyday. You’re also really good at building stuff, but you don’t brag cause you’re super nice and don’t think your better than anyone else.
Soon you are at your small home. You pet yourcat and dog as you walk in. “I’m home!” you say to them. They are happy to see you but you wish you had friends. You live by yourself so you don’t get to see anyone in the middle of nowhere. You put away the stuff you got from the mine. You love mining but it’d be better if you had someone to do it with. You’re such a good friend, if only you could see someone. “Maybe I will go get some more wood to build more rooms for my house” you say. You need more storage room. YOur dog looks worried. “Don’t worry I’ll be back soon”. You’re not afraid of nighttime you have a diamond sword and diamond armor from working hard and mining everyday.
The sun is setting but you don’t care cause you’re realluybrave and strong. YOu find some birch trees. “Oh wow! So cool” you really like birch trees. It’d be a good wood fro your house. You start chopping down the wood with your diamond axe. You get lots of wood and are about to go home but then you see something far away in the distance. “What is that?” you exclaim. It’s 400 creepers!!!!!!! “Oh no!” you try to run away but then you see behind you there are 300 spiders and 20 skeletons and 600 zombies! “I can’t do this alone!” you start fighting but there are so many you are going to pass out. Suddenly, the monsters get scared and run away. “What happened?” you say as you get up. You see another person. “Who are you?” you say but then you black out.
“Y/N, hurry up! We have to go now or we’re gonna miss the show!!!”
Your little sister continues yelling from the bottom of the stairs while you try your hardest to tune her out—after all, this mustache isn’t going to wax itself.
Ever since the concert was announced, you knew you had to get tickets. After all, you are Bii Boh Bi’s Number One FanTM—it wouldn’t do to miss one of his biggest events. Besides, you even managed to score front row seats AND backstage passes to meet your idol after the show. Sure, that meant your sister would be coming too, but that wasn’t a big deal. She always cheered alongside you and was content being the Number Three FanTM.
You still aren’t sure who the Number Two FanTM is. Although they are very famous online, they never give out any personal information, so they have remained anonymous.
When you finish your musings, you look in the mirror to make sure you are presentable for the concert.
Your wavy H/C hair shines under the light and there isn’t a stray hair in sight. Your mustache is groomed to perfection as well, adding at least 40% to your classiness. You even put on some makeup to make your E/C eyes pop and to make sure your navy blue skin doesn’t cause you to fade into the background, as it is wont to do. The only question remaining is which scarf to wear.
You search through your closet until you find the perfect one. It is a translucent F/C and has some nice E/C stripes. Even better, it matches your outfit!
“Are you done yet!?” your sister calls again, but you cut her off by arriving at the bottom of the staircase. “Oh good. Let’s go!”
You follow her out towards the ship. She chose a slightly less formal outfit, opting to wear a simple but stylish pink dress that provides a nice contrast against her turquoise skin. You’ve always been a bit jealous of the fact that she stood out in her appearance, but you suppose the universe must balance everything out somehow. Besides, at her age, you already had a proper mustache growing, whereas she only has a few random hairs—all of which are different colors.
As soon as you are seated in the ship, you close your upper eyes. Space travel always makes you sick when you try to watch with all four eyes. Two should be fine though.
You chat excitedly with your sister about what you hope will be included in the show and what special guests might be there. There are rumors that a paladin of Voltron is in the area and might show up. Now that the war is over, there won’t be any chance of an attack ruining the show, so it will be perfectly safe even if all of Voltron is there.
Before you know it, you arrive at the stadium. As early as you are, there is still a huge crowd, bustling to get in to their seats. You and your sister do your best to not get separated or trampled by everyone else there. It feels like it takes DECAPHEBES, but you finally get to your seats.
“I’m so excited!” you tell your sister over the cheers of the crowd.
These shows always draw a large audience, but this one in particular has over ten times as many beings as usual. You are even more grateful for your after-show backstage pass—trying to head home alongside everyone else would surely be a nightmare.
The stage lights turn on and a hush falls over the crowd. You lean forward in your seat and watch intently as Bii Boh Bi himself walks out onto the stage. The cheers around you are deafening and as Bii Boh Bi steps up to the mic, he meets your eyes and winks.
Your entire body flushes from the attention and you can only stare in wonder as the show begins.
——————
The lights dim until the spotlight focuses on Bii Boh Bi. The band starts playing and you listen as he begins to sweetly sing.
“Bi, bobo bibii! Boh bibiibi bi bobii, bohbi bii biibii bo bi bohbii bi, bii-bi bibobii boh bii.”
His voice practically lulls you into a trance and you are thoroughly enraptured by the entire performance. As it draws to an end the entire audience rises in a cheering, standing ovation. Bii Boh Bi smiles and thanks everyone before heading backstage.
——————
After the show is over, you and your sister push your way through the crowd to reach the stage. You make it just in time to see a masked individual escorting a familiar noodle-like figure away from the backstage room. Oh no! Someone is trying to kidnap Bii Boh Bi!
You chase after the two of them, hoping against all hope to overtake the kidnapper. The masked individual is just about to make their escape when to your delight, they trip over a fallen fencepost. The kidnapper tumbles to the ground, releasing the idol in an attempt to prevent injury. This is your chance! Taking advantage of their dazed state, you clear the fencepost and successfully pin them to the ground. While it’s enough to hold them for now, you know you can’t trap the kidnapper forever.
“Help!” You cry out. “Security! Someone!”
Sweat drips down your face as you wait. Catching your breath from the earlier chase, you glance around and ascertain the safety of Bii Boh Bi. When you look up, the security officers have finally arrived. You let out a breath you didn’t know were holding.
“This is 624 to Control.” One of the officers speaks into her radio. “The instigator has been apprehended and our VIP is safe.”
You are able to get up once the kidnapper has been handcuffed just in time to see your sister arrive at the scene.
“Woah! What happened?” she asks, looking around.
“I sure would like to find out myself.”
You turn to watch an officer unmask the kidnapper. As the mask is removed, light pink skin shows through and you hear a very familiar voice yelling.
“He’s mine, dang it!!! I deserve to be the Number One FanTM!!!”
Oh.
OH!
You didn’t expect the Number Two FanTM to be so… old.
He is surprisingly tall for a Roaken man, even at that age, but the three antennae on his head are a dead giveaway.
“How could a fan do such a thing!? That’s awful!” your sister exclaims, clinging to your arm.
You shake your head. It’s beyond you. A squat officer covered in green fur grabs your shoulder.
“Come on,” rasps a high-pitched voice. “You two need to go on home now. Thanks for your help.”
“So much for those backstage passes…” your sister mumbles.
As the officer begins to escort you out, ze is stopped by a superior who whispers something near where you assume zer ear must be.
“Really? I think that is a bad idea, but if he is insisting…” The furry officer releases you. “Mister Bii Boh Bi says he would like to speak with you.”
Your eyes widen as he comes over to you.
“Biibi bohboh bi, bii biboh bii. Bobohbii bo bibii bo biibobiibi bibo biibibi boh bi biibibo! Bii boh bobibii, boh biibii bo bii!”
Your face flushes a bright green that rivals your sister’s complexion.
“A-are you sure!? I really didn’t do enough to deserve a private show! Really, it’s fine!”
“Boh! Biibo bohbibo bo biboh bohbobii biibiboh bii!”
Your sister’s shocked face is the last thing you see when a small pair of lips press against your cheek.
——————
You wake up in your bed back home, the TV is on and the door is open.
“Oh good, you’re awake.” Your mother smiles. “You made quite the headline last night!”
The newscaster is halfway through the story, but you can only process four words: “hero”, “Bii Boh Bi”, “Y/N”, and “dating.”
Envy glanced over his shoulder to see you, still running hard to catch him.
“You’ll never catch me!” he laughed.
But you knew better. The next 10 seconds passed in a blur; you jumped and tackled him to the ground, then used your knot skills to tie him up.
“Ha!” you declared proudly. “No one can escape the mighty Y/N!”
And it was true. You had only been working for the state for about a month, but you were rapidly rising though the ranks. You completed every challenge they threw your way with ease, and now they wanted you in Central Command, working under THE Colonel Roy Mustang.
You dragged the captured homunculus back to your apartment so you could get ready. After all, there was NO WAY you were going to go meet your new boss looking like a dirty mess.
You weren’t sure what would be best, so you put on a simple, but nice, dress that matched your E/C eyes. After adding earrings and doing your hair up, you were ready to go deliver Envy to the Colonel.
“Do you really have to pull me into EVERY rock!?” Envy whined as you dragged him along.
You didn’t grace him with a response, choosing instead to pull more violently. After about twenty minutes of Envy’s complaining, you finally made it to the office of your new commanding officer. Taking a deep breath, you prepared to meet the famous state alchemist and knocked on the door.
“Come in.”
You walked in the door, trying not to pay attention to how alluring the man’s voice was. Then you got your first look at him.
Boy howdy, that was one attractive man! Raven hair framed a face that seemed younger than the rest of him. And then there were the muscles. Goodness gracious that man was ripped! And why was he shirtless!? Surely that must have been in violation of some military code, but heaven knows you weren’t going to complain.
The Colonel rifled through his papers a minute longer before finally looking up at you.
He gasped.
“Y-Y/N! Y-you’re stunning!” he exclaimed, blushing.
You felt your face heat as well.
“T-thank you, sir!” you stammered out.
After like 5 minutes of staring, Colonel Mustang directed his attention to your captured homunculus.
“Excellent work, Y/N! You’ll be a perfect addition to my team!” Mustang beamed.
You fist pumped internally. You were NAILING this! Then, the unexpected happened!
“Hey, uh, Y/N…” Mustang started, turning towards you. “Would you, uh, would you be my girlfriend???”
Your face went bright red, but you nodded. How could you possibly turn down such a handsome guy!?
Overcome with joy, Mustang swept you into his arms and kissed you on the lips!
“I’m so excited we’ll be working together!” he told you.
