i don't regret it.

sideblog for danny o'donovan, incubus. f a k e

[oopstoofuckinglate]

I’m going with will and Alex to England. To see remy. Who andy’s made forget. About me.

Im not sure I’m ready but if will wants me to be with him then

[beautifulviolent-deactivated202]

“I started making plans, thinking we would get that far.”

— Daniel Handler, Why We Broke Up (via a-thousand-words)

[oopstoofuckinglate]

He- he actually took Remy’s memories. Memories of me. Forcibly.

[oopstoofuckinglate]

I feel so small and dumb and panicked and insecure when will’s not around even for a few minutes and it’s dumb cause I’m living with him and at all his games and see him pretty much 24/7 but I just keep thinking, what if this time he’s decided he wants to run away and he’s gotten tired of me or I’m too much and

[oopstoofuckinglate]

I’m living with him :)

It’s gotten hard for me to say those words back to him again though

[oopstoofuckinglate]

he made me a photo book.

I don’t know how to feel.

[oopstoofuckinglate]

it was. bizarre, having a normal conversation with remy. like, it’s not like i could forget what went down with us. but just. it threw me for a loop.

[be-artistic-deactivated20230306]

[oopstoofuckinglate]

I packed my bags this morning.

I packed my bags, thinking like, I’m gonna run again. I’m just gonna run, and not look back.

And then will turned over in his sleep, and started snoring, and I just sat on the floor and cried and couldn’t. I couldn’t do it.

Im so scared I’m gonna freak out and do something stupid,, like try push Will away. because I can’t deal with that, I need him, I need him, but I know some part of me will keep thinking that maybe, maybe I’m better off on my own again. So I don’t have to feel how painful this whole thing can be, ever again. But I can’t, I’m clinging on so tightly to will right now, that I can’t do that to myself. I can’t do that to will. I don’t want to.

[oopstoofuckinglate]

this. this is the night I was telling Alex about.

I remember it so clearly.

I was- I was so close. I nearly lost it all, after remy left. I nearly lost will. I nearly lost a year of progress, almost down the drain.

I’m not gonna do that now... I’m not gonna. I know better, I know better than that now. I’ve got will, and will’s got me. And... I’ve got Alex, and.. mark, weirdly enough. But that’s enough. More than enough. So many people, who somehow think I’m good enough, I guess.

[oopstoofuckinglate]

[oopstoofuckinglate]

i hate to make will feel like he’s caught in the middle of remy and i all the time. i hate to keep dumping shit on him, but he makes me feel so safe to do it.

at least when this all blows over, he won’t have to worry about that anymore. being stuck in the middle.

and i’m gonna fucking make sure he never has to worry about me either, ever again. well. as much as i can, anyways. i’m gonna be so good for him, i really will. he deserves everything. he’s so, so good.

[oopstoofuckinglate]

when did i start saying i’m sorry so much again?

[oopstoofuckinglate]

...he’s really trying to guilt trip me into oblivion, isn’t he :(

He’s acting so passive aggressive and it’s like talking to an entirely new person, I’m just

[oopstoofuckinglate]

wow.

I can’t really believe I really did that.

I... I left him. Broke up with him. Left him.

My heart hurts, so fucking much. I don’t think I’ll be done crying about it for a while. But it- it also doesn’t feel like the wrong decision.

I think I really needed it.

I think I’ll be able to breathe again soon.

Everything still hurts.

[oopstoofuckinglate]

hypocrites and people who break promises are probably top two on my list of things i hate.

and here i am, after so many months of lov**g remy and reassuring him i’d never leave, thinking about leaving.

sometimes, i really hate myself.

[oopstoofuckinglate]

[oopstoofuckinglate]

I’m not ready to take him back.

Fuck, that sounds so terrible, but I’m not ready to take him back.. oh god