#;daddy issues

[oopstoofuckinglate]

when did i start saying i’m sorry so much again?

[oopstoofuckinglate]

alex asked me how old the oldest person i’d fucked had been, and this whole conversation just makes me wanna throw up a bit in my mouth.

i did what i had to.

[oopstoofuckinglate]

i thought i was becoming a better person. not good, but better. and i really thought i was.

[oopstoofuckinglate]

it feels like such a safe little bubble here in Sweden, with will and Remy (and Alex too, I guess). I mean, meeting will’s parents was embarrassing as fuck, but other than that.. it feels so weirdly normal. a house. A billion siblings. A sweet mom and dad. A childhood bedroom. maybe this is what it’s supposed to feel like?

[oopstoofuckinglate]

Fuck Phoenix and all their smart ass talk of ‘mr mitchell’ and ‘do you miss mom and dad’ and fuck you.

I haven’t thought about them in fucking ages, and they go and bring it up again. And now I’m just fucking wondering what the hell will happen the day Remy or William ask to meet my family. my parents.

For all I know, they’re dead. I fucking hope so anyways. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them.

[oopstoofuckinglate]

I said it

To both of them

I felt like I almost drowned, but the things they said, the way they held and touched me, and then I said it

...I love you.

I love you.

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you

And then the memories of my parents (you know we just want the best for you) and of jake (too late too late too late) and of the hundreds of nameless faces (whispered words over sweaty sheets) faded for just a second, and everything was just will and remy and me.

I love you.

[oopstoofuckinglate]