Open Soul-Free heart

[opensoulfreeheart]

Sometimes it's just fucking hard

I believe it has now been a full week w/o drinking.  It's really tough at times.  T and I got into it the other night and all I wanted to do was drink wine.  It was a legit urge and I realized that my fallback is drinking.  It "helps" me avoid tough situations and this goes beyond my love life.  Work, family, finances, personal struggles, friends, uncomfortable situations.  Alcohol is my crutch and I'm sick of it.  I haven't learned to work through obstacles.  I haven't taken the time to feel and understand what I really want.  It has always been masked by alcohol.  

Well, I'm really proud that I dumped that bottle of wine down the drain.  This isn't about avoiding alcohol.  It's about taking the time to feel life....SOBER.  The last time I did this was 16 years old.  I'm excited.  I'm nervous.  The journey continues!

PS - Great job avoiding a drink at Lady Gregory's.  T really helped out by suggesting that non-alcoholic "cocktail."

[opensoulfreeheart]

Feeling stuff

This will be a two in one post.  I forgot to post yesterday, so I'm already off to murky start on my "1 reflection a day" desire.  Nonetheless, this is a huge step for me and I'm beyond excited to have a platform to express myself.

Yesterday was an overall great day.  I started by hitting yoga w/T at 6am.  Had a good breakfast, quite day in the office (not nearly as productive as I need to be...EXPENSES!!), and then a really great evening with the chica.  I'm still trying to gain an understanding of what an ideal vs bad day is.  I love the fact that life is so dynamic, so am I setting myself up for failure if I'm always striving for happiness?  

Today is New Years eve.  I'm in the office, trying to finish up some stuff for Walgreens launch in addition to doing my damn expenses.  I haven't spent as much time as I would have liked thinking about next year.  It feels like I'm reacting to so many things instead of carving out what I want.  I know that's not entirely true because I've accomplished a lot and continue to strive.  

Time to checkout.  It's 10am and I haven't done a damn thing.  2014 was a great year and I can't wait to make 2015 the best yet.  Nothing is out of reach.  Live, love, laugh.  2015 will be a great one.

[opensoulfreeheart]

Is this the start?

It's a hard battle at times.  The fact I think of life as a battle says a lot about my mindset, particularly at this moment.  Nonetheless, life has been a beautiful journey and I'm excited to make some adjustments to help me flourish.  Is this the start of something new?  Nope, it's moment in my journey in which I'm making some pretty exciting changes.  1 year of sobriety starts today.  Wooaah, but more importantly WHY?

- To feel, deal, laugh, face, fight, accept, hurt, and love.  I want to take on all of these emotions.  LIVE life.  I'm done hiding from it.

- To invest my time chasing my dreams.  I'm done wasting my time.  

- I curb my weaknesses.  Build confidence in myself.  Rely on myself.  I don't need anything else besides myself, my family and my friends.