Pike agreed to let me take a moment for myself and we would let everyone know about the decision in the morning since we had arrived at a pretty late hour of the night. My mom took me to our old room in the Ark. I had lived there during 17 years of my life, never slept in another bed before coming down to the ground, and it seemed so strange to me now. The door, the walls, the table in the middle of the room… Everything looked the same, but it didn't feel the same way. It wasn't that the room had changed. It was me. I wasn't the same 17-year-old girl who had stood up there just some months ago, that now seemed like ages. Since the last time I had been in that room, many things had happened, I had done so many things and I knew that I will never go back to be the person I used to. I hope it is for good.
“I kept your clothes here” my mom said opening the door of the small closet of the room “I thought that...” she kept saying and suddenly, I hugged her. She was about to give me the clothes she just got but I needed to hug her. She let the clothes fall and hugged me too. I had always been bigger than her since I was like 10 because my mom has always been so tiny and skinny, but those arms would always comfort me even though I was hugging her from the outside.
“I've missed you” I said whispering because my mouth was so close to her ear. She let me go and stepped back still holding my hands to look at me.
“I'm so proud of you Clarke”. She put her hand on my cheek and then kissed me there “I'm going to let you rest and we can talk in the morning”. I must have looked tired because everyone was treating me like I couldn't be awake for any longer. I took the clothes from the floor when my mom left and put them on the table. I got undressed and I took Lexa's gear from the back pocket of my pants before putting them on the chair. I got into bed with just my underwear and put the jewel under the pillow. It was kind of stupid but I felt comforted with that little gear close to me. Because of all the thoughts that had kept my mind busy and how nervous I was, I hadn't realized how tired I was, but I fell asleep as soon as I got in the bed. Someone woke me up the next morning by knocking at my door, but before I had even opened my eyes Raven got into the room.
“I've heard that you came last night” she said really excited and came as fast as she could to my bed and hugged me. I had forgotten that I only was wearing my underwear, but she was Raven. It didn't matter to be half naked around her.
“I'm happy to see you too” I said rubbing my eyes.
“You came just on time, everything is a mess” she said standing again to let me out of bed.
“Like every time I'm not around” I was obviously joking but she rolled her eyes. “Everything is... different now. Everyone is different” she said, and she didn't look as happy as few seconds ago.
“What do you mean? I supposed that something was different if people have elected someone that was ready to wipe innocent people out as chancellor, but I don't think that you are talking about that, are you?”
“Not really, I was talking about… us. Our friends. Jasper has not been the same at all since Mount Weather, he's been drinking his ass all day every day. He doesn't talk to Monty anymore and he… I mean Monty… Since he found his mom, has been in Bellamy's and Pike's said”. Her descriptions were so strange that it seemed like she wasn't talking about our friends.
“Is Jasper still touched by Maya?” I asked
“Oh God yeah, and I hope you don't get to be in a room alone with him because… well… let's say that you are not his favorite person in the world right now”. It made me sad thinking that everything was so different since last time. I knew that after 3 months and everything that had happened, they all were going to be changed, but I did not expect what Raven was telling me. At leas she seemed the same.
“Well, he'll need time” I said trying to sound optimistic.
“He'll need a miracle” she answered. I stood up and started dressing myself up with the clothes of the table that my mom had given to me last night.
“I wanted to see you before the big day” she said, and she was back to be joking again. That's the Raven I knew “your mom told me all about it”. I was a little worried about what was going to happen today, because Pike understanding and accepting what was going on was a big step. But we still had a long way in front of us to convince everyone else.
“Do you think that people will vote for peace?” I asked
“It depends in how convincing you sound”. When I finished dressing up we both walked out of the room. I think that she didn't like when I held the door for her. I knew that she wasn't going to complain about anything because she was Raven, but it was obvious that something was wrong with her leg. She had some kind of prosthesis on, that was helping her to walk, but it was pretty clear that she was hurt.
When we got to the main room where everyone just chills around, Pike, Bellamy and Kane were talking in one said. Raven and I approached to them and they went quiet as soon as they saw us
“Wow nice to se you all too” Raven said
“What is she doing here?” Bellamy asked looking at Raven
“She just came with me, it's okay, calm down”
“The voting will start at 10 o'clock so you've got 20 minutes to say anything you want to say and everyone will have half an hour to think about their vote” Pike explained
“All right, can I get everyone to hear me somehow?” Bellamy grabbed my hand and took me close to a table that was against the door.
“Stand up there and I'll try to get everyone's attention”. He started yelling that this was important, and first, the people that were closer to us, and then some curious people that were a little bit more far away approached. Few seconds after, I saw Kane, my mom, Raven and Harper getting some people that were out coming in. Most of the people there, were a little confused about what was going to happen, but I decided that it was time to start talking and to try to stop a war:
“My name is Clarke Griffin” as soon as I started talking, the people that didn't know where to look focused their attention on me “some of you might now me because I'm Abby Griffin's daughter, or because I'm the one who irradiated Mount Weather to take our people back. Some of you might not know me at all. But all you need to know from me, is that I am one of the 100 who were sent down to the Earth to die few months ago. Even though we were just lab rats, and we were the first ones testing if the ground was survivable, as soon as we putted our feet on the ground, we didn't care. Same as you, we thought we were in paradise the firs time we saw lakes and trees. First time we smelled the Earth and the wind blew our faces. The first time we ate something taken straight up from trees. But that happiness didn't last too long. Few hours after landing, we discovered that we weren't as smart as we thought. The ground was inhabited. Grounders had made life possible after what we thought the end of the world. People were living here, in their villages, with their families, their culture and their traditions. And suddenly, a group of people came down to their lands, armed with fire guns, something that they are banned from even touching, and of course, they felt threatened. So they attacked us. And because we felt threatened, we attacked back too. Of course we did. But thanks to Lincoln, the grounder that you hold as prisoner now for no reason, we discovered that they weren't savages that just wanted to kill us. We found out that they were just like us: people trying to live in peace that attacked against an outsider threat when they felt their lives at risk. Ever since then, we've been trying to make peace with them. But every time we were even close to have something like peace, we ended fucking it up. At the bridge the first time, one of our guards started shooting against them. When I was bringing one of their leaders to camp to negotiate peace, some of you killed her by shooting from the back. And now that we had already signed up for peace, now that we had achieved it, some soldiers decided to kill 300 innocent people that were here to help us” I needed to stop so I could breath and to think about where I wanted to go with this. But before I could keep going someone yelled “But they left us at Mount Weather!” and many voices backed her up “Yeah!” “They did!”.
“Yeah, they did abandon us at Mount Weather. We had an alliance with them and they broke it, because the Mountain men offered them all of their people alive in exchange of stepping out. They could have all their people back, they wouldn't be putting any of their soldiers at risk by starting a war and they could return safely at home by just betraying some group of people that, at the time, didn't meant much to them. They left us, it is true. Same thing I would have done to save us all if the deal would have been offered to us. Or would have any of you chosen differently if you had the opportunity to save all of our friends?” I stopped for a second and no one was yelling this time, I thought they had understood my point, so it was my time to make the proposition “But everything is different now. We don't have and outsider threat like Mount Weather, our only goal should be the one of creating a new life here and to start making our lives prosper. That's what I negotiated with their commander while I was at the capitol of their lands. That's what I signed us up for, peace, protection and harmony. That's why when one of their clans attacked Mount Weather, their commander executed the clan's queen, sent an army to protect us from any other possible attack and was going to bring the dead body of the queen here so we could know that justice had been made. But when the last step for peace was going to be taken, 300 of their people were murdered. The 12 clans wanted a war. The 12 clans wanted to wipe us out. The 12 clans wanted revenge for what it has been done to their families. But instead of that, their commander understood that only some people were responsible for what had happened and understood the need of peace. I made them see that the only reason why any of you allowed that, it was because you all felt threatened since Mount Weather and none of you were aware of the new peace deal. That's why she gave me one last chance, and that's what I'm bringing here today.
The commander still has means of peace, that's what many grounders wish, and that's why they are giving us this opportunity. We can become the 13th clan, swear that we will not attack them and they will not attack us back. We will live as one of them and they will never betray us in any circumstance because we will be part of them. We don't have to be their friends. We just need to live in peace amongst them.
In exchange for the lives of 300 people, they are just asking for one: Pike's. The responsible for the attack. I've already spoken to him and if all of you have meanings of peace, he would be ready to take responsibility for his actions, and he will go by choice with the grounders to keep us safe. If we don't take this deal, in few days, the commander will send the biggest army we've ever seen, and they will attack us. We will get into a war that we can obviously not win. We might have guns, but I would bet my bottom dollar that we don't have as many bullets as soldiers they have. We have no chances of wining a war against the entire grounder army, and if by a causality we did, we will suffer so many deaths that it would be almost impossible to recover from that.
So that's the question I'm asking you, do you want peace with the grounders so we can start developing as a society with assured protection from their people? Or do you want to start a war that we have no chances of wining? Pike has already said that he will do whatever is best for all of us, as the chancellor he is, so now the decisions is yours because we want democracy and we want this decision to be something that we all came up with. You have the right to decide the faith of our people, so now, may you chose wisely”. Nobody clapped. I didn't expect it Everyone had so much new information on their heads and they needed to process it. After less than a minute, Bellamy stood up right in the same place where I just came down from and yelled “The voting will start at 10 o'clock. Make sure you are checked out off the list as soon as you vote”.
I went to meet Raven that was sitting down in a chair in the back of the room and she was smiling at me “Convincing enough?” I asked
“Well girl, you made it seem like we don't even have an option” she said, and it was a joke but… “we don't”
“We’ll see if it was enough soon” she said and winked an eye to me. I was looking for a chair to sit down next to her when someone approached to us clapping “Bravo! What a speech! The almighty Clarke, or… how do they call you now? Wanheda? The commander of death? Why doesn't it surprise me?”
“Go float yourself Jasper” Raven answered. He had shaved his head and he was even skinnier that what I remembered him, even though I thought that was impossible
“Jasper, is nice to see you again” I said even though I did not expect the same reaction from him. He laughed. It seemed like a forced laugh.
“Too bad I don’t share your feelings” he seemed mad now “how do you dare to come back as a savior when all you are is a murder? How can you introduce yourself as the bringer of peace when there is only death everywhere you step in?”
“Jasper, I get that you are mad but you need to understand that I had no choice, and I'm sorry for what I had to do, but I couldn't let everyone die” that's why I couldn't get into Arkadia when we came back 3 months ago. I didn't want to be constantly surrounded by the people that reminded me of those kids in the screen screaming and falling down. I didn't want Jasper to talk to me about how I killed Maya. I didn't want to be the cause of all those deaths. Although I came up with a hundred of excuses in my head in order to free me from the responsibility of what I had done, something still didn't seem right.
“Yes Clarke, because you never do. You never do have a choice. All the bad things you do, all the deaths you bring with you are because you never have a choice. What a coincidence” he said. I wasn't feeling like arguing with him right now but still I felt glad when I noticed that the big room was almost empty again and that no one was around to hear us. Before I could react Raven stood up and faced Jasper even though he was a head taller than her
“Shut up Jasper if you don't want me to kick your ass”. He laughed, probably not because he didn't think that Raven could beat his ass (we all knew she could) but because he was drunk. I could smell it from where I was.
“Jasper I don't want to do this right now, we can talk when you are sober”
“I WAS GOING TO STOP IT! YOU ONLY NEEDED TO GIVE ME ONE MORE MINUTE!” he exploded and got really close to my face with his eyes really open and tears almost coming out of them. His breath reeked.
“Jasper! That's enough” Monty's voice came from Jasper's back and I saw his hand laying on Jasper's shoulder
“Get off of me!” he said with an expression of disgust on his face. Jasper walked away and Monty looked at me
“Hello Clarke, I'm glad to see you back” he was holding a rifle and it was weird to see that on him. Plus, he was wearing a guard's jacket and it didn't really suit him. But it was still Monty to me so I couldn't but smile.
“I'm glad to see you are okay” I answered. He nodded and left. He's never been much of a talker.
“He's changed” I said to Raven when we were left alone again.
“Which one of them?”, “Both”, “I warned you” she answered.
Kane and Abby were getting the ballot bow ready, Harper was hanging a poster behind them that said “YES for closing a deal with the grounders, NO to take a position against them” and Nate was getting all the blank papers ready. Normally we would’ve taken longer to do everything right and to make sure there's no way of tricking the voting but there was no time for that.
Suddenly I remembered Lexa's gear and how I had forgotten about it in the room so I excused myself to Raven and I said I would be back in a minute. I went to the room and found out that I hadn't fixed my bed. My dad used to make fix my bed every morning before leaving the room or otherwise I couldn’t go out. I putted my hand under the pillow and gratefully found out that it was still there. I kept it in my fingers for few seconds and then I putted it in my back pocket again to start fixing my bed. Once I finished I sat down on the bed. I don't know why but I was feeling really tired although I had slept like a baby. I took the jewel once again. I liked looking at it. I could picture Lexa better when I had that thing on my hands. I could picture it on her forehead, a little bit up from her green eyes. I could see her lips pressed against each other when she stared at me or at anything with a serious expression on her face. I could see her half smile that rarely came out when I was with her… Suddenly Octavia opened the door and cached me looking at the gear,
“Come on you melancholic drama queen” she said joking. I hadn't heard her making a joke since a long time ago so it made me smile “They have already started”. I putted the gear in my back pocket once again, it belonged there now, and I followed the little Blake though the halls. Once at the main room I saw how there were already some people voting. We sat down together and she told me that she had already voted, but I decided to wait until everyone was done. It didn't take long. When only three more people were at the line I stood up and went were the ballot box was at, but when I was about to take a paper, some big hands stopped my arm.
“If the results say NO, we still have to decide if you are welcome here” Bellamy said when I looked at him wondering what was going on “Pike's rules. He's still the chancellor”. I saw Pike behind Bellamy's shoulder looking at us. In any other moment I would have fought for my right to vote and I would have explained how I obviously was one of them and I also had my right to decide, but I really wasn't feeling like it and I didn't thought that one vote would change things much. So I looked at Bellamy like I hated him, but he didn't seem to care.
“Okay, everyone has voted” Kane said, “Pike, Bellamy, Abby and I will count the votes now and we will come up with the result as soon as possible”. He made sure everyone could hear him and then he walked away with the ballot box in his hands, followed by the other three responsible.
“I've talked to some people, and I'm not that sure that we are going to get the result we want” Raven said behind me. I turned around and she was looking at me.
“You said I sounded convincing enough”
“I hope so”. She lifted her arm and extended her open hand in front of me. Lexa's gear was there. “It fell down from your pocket when you stood up. I thought you might want it back” I took it and checked my pocket. It had a whole on it.
“Isn't it what the commander of the grounders was wearing on her forehead?” she said a little strange “I mean I didn't see her from a close distance but I would bet that it was the same thing”. All in the sudden I got a little nervous. I hadn't realized until that moment that nobody, but Titus, knew about Lexa and I. Nobody had the need to know, and I had never talked with Raven about this kind of stuffs, since the last person I liked was Finn, but still it seemed a little awkward. What Lexa and I had between us was something… too personal and private. I didn't know if I wanted to share it with anyone although Raven was my best friend.
“Well yeah… it is Lexa's” I said, and I noticed that I blushed while saying it. What was wrong with me? Clarke please! I couldn't look at Raven's eyes, but when I lifted my look, she was half smiling.
“Is there something between you and Lexa other than a commander ambassador relationship that I should know of?” Octavia must have told her that I was the ambassador of skaikru at Polis. Why was this so awkward? She was my friend!
“Clarke!” a voice interrupted us, thank God, and I turned around to see Harper coming to us. She hugged me unexpectedly but it felt good. “Great speech, I hope that our people are not dumb enough to ignore it. I'm sorry I couldn’t say hi before”
“It's fine, it's good to see you” I said and I was truly happy. She was looking much better than the last time that I saw her at Mount Weather
“You look great, I'm glad that you're recovered”. She smiled, but she wasn't smiling at me or Raven, but to someone behind us. “Bye girls, see you later” she said and she went to meet Monty. I looked how they got together and Harper's enthusiasm surprised me. I lifted one eyebrow and looked at Raven “Those two?” I asked. But she didn't miss the chance, lifted one eyebrow herself and said “Lexa and you?”. I rolled my eyes.
“I don't really know, but I'll tell you about it when we are done with this. Although there will be nothing to talk about if the results say NO”. She nodded but I knew that she wasn't satisfied with my answer. To be honest, I was a little worried about what might Raven actually think since she didn't like Lexa very much that I knew of.
It didn't take long for the four that were in charge to count the votes and few minutes after they came out. Pike was holding a paper. He stood up in the same place where I had given my speech from (everyone seemed to like my spot now) and claimed everyone's attention.
“We've counted the votes and this are the results: 10% blank, we assumed it meant that the ones voting in blank were ambiguous or didn't have an opinion on the matter. 38% NO. And 52% YES” He stopped there, we all knew what it meant. I couldn't be happier. “Taking this results in consideration, I, as a chancellor, have decided to turn myself into the grounders since more than half of you think it's the best option” Nobody clapped or yelled. It wasn't easy for anybody to turn in a man whose fate was going to be death. “I hope that this sacrifice will lead all of you to peace since I don't want this to be for nothing. I've tried to serve all of you the best way I could, and this action is now what most of you consider to be the best decision I can make as a chancellor, so I will”. Everyone was quiet. All of us were looking at him. He killed 300 hundred people. He was ready to lead everyone into a war. He was ready to massacre as many grounders as necessary. And he still managed it to make his actions the ones of a hero.
But I couldn't care. I could care less when everyone started yelling “Pike! Pike!”. He said thank you a couple of times and then came to me. “What now?” he asked still flatted for all that claiming.
“The grounders are waiting for you at the border of the blockade” I answered impassively “I'll take you there”.
“I’ll go with you two” Octavia said while showing up behind Pike. He nodded and we started walking towards the outside of the building. There wasn't time to waste.
Kane insisted in coming with us but I refused. It was better just the three of us. Bellamy wanted to come too, probably because of Octavia, but they weren't going through their best moment as siblings, as I noticed, and she was very clear about her not wanting him to come.
“You should leave your weapons here” I said to Pike when the guards were opening the main door “you're not gonna need them”. He took forever to drop his gun and his pocket knife. Did he want to make this dramatic or what? I didn't really care about all those man and woman that were cheering him up and saying words trying to comfort him and thanking him for his sacrifice. We had given him two ours to say goodbye to everyone and to show himself up as a hero so I wasn't going to waste another minute. Once out of the door, Octavia, Pike, another guard who had insisted in coming and I started walking in front of us. The blockade was surrounding the camp in every direction so it didn't really matter which path to take. We started walking in silence. There wasn't much to say. I was a little surprised that Pike didn't comment something with his wise tone like he knows everything. Something like “I hope you know what you are doing Miss. Griffin”. He used to call me that up in the Ark.´
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