I love the way they divided up the floats: you've got the party content float, with Ashlyn, Pinoe, and allie. Then the drunk children float, with JMac and child to try to taper them, then last but not least, the adult float; or the we haven't been drunk for three straight days float.
The “Sobriety? Idk her” Float
- USWNT staff had to add Becky and Uncle Naeher to balance the pure, gay, drunk insanity of Pinoe and Ash, supervise “I’ve been drinking since July 7th” JJ/Alex, and provide emotional support for Ali, who cannot control her fiancé by herself.
- While most of the people wearing sunglasses are doing so to hide their hungover eyes, Carli is wearing them to hide the tears she cried after learning she’d be on this float (she thought she was getting her own)
The “Drunk Children Noobs” Float
- Features hype man Sonnett, Panic Petunia, Pale Rose, The Great Horan, Confused Mal, and Frat Daddy KO
- Since KO is technically only 1/5 of an adult, USWNT staff were legally forced to add the only actual mother on the team, Jessica McDonald, to watch over them and make sure no one died. She brought her son in hope that his presence would keep the young drunk’s shenanigans to a minimum. It failed.
The “Play Hard, Hard Chill” Float
- Features 4 gays in committed relationships and some straights, but they all share the enjoyment of holding up 4 fingers ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
- The most sober float and they’re still drunk
- The youngest player on this float is also the most responsible
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