I know this kind of shit probably isnt helping anything and im probably being delusional but I dont care i wish they could hear it and believe it. Even if its too late to ever be friends again I want them to be ok. I know how its effected me and im barely gonna make it out. Im still not sure if im gonna be able to recover tbh. I know it bothered them too so even on the off chance they may see this somehow or or even feel my vibes from 500 miles away I have to give it a chance. That was the love of my life as as far as i can tell. If we ruined that I would love to at least get to be their friend some day. Honestly im kind of wanting to start life over at this point, so im gonna need a new best friend to go with it :) all I know is that i love em and despite everything its not going away, its just getting stronger and more mature and unserstanding and less fragile, even in their absence.
Losing my temper at this person and telling them never to speak to me again was the absolute worst mistake of my life. I didnt even want that. I just said the meanest thing I could cuz k was so hurt. I actually wish they would talk to me all the time, any time of the day, 24/7, about gosh dern anything. It doesn't matter. Talking to them was the greatest moments of my life. I felt so ridiculously happy talking to them about literally anything. That was true love man. I cant ignore that shit. I have to hope she'll come back at some point



















