sorry if i smell like dead people.

Kiana Khansmith
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@ordiinnary
sorry if i smell like dead people.
' when I let a day go without talking to you, that day's just no good. '
how i met your mother.
sometimes, they were SWEET. sometimes, kindness overpowered wit, poured from their mouths like wet paint. SOMETIMES, clary wanted to pocket his words for the weeks when it rained, storm cloud looming over her hear. she’d unfurl her hands and hold his care in her palms, CAREFUL. clary swears she’d be careful.
she SMILES, and it’s lacking her usual teasing curl. instead, for replacement, is something SWEETER. simon looks like he wants to run, and it makes her laugh. this is what she likes :: the little moments. SNAPSHOT, they’re kids, chasing each other around the playground. SNAPSHOT, they’re getting older and everyone thinks the opposite sex is icky but he never leaves her SIDE, not even when the boys teased him from the opposite side of the classroom.
SNAPSHOT, she’s teaching him how to braid hair, SNAPSHOT, they almost set her house on fire making cookies, SNAPSHOT, they get drunk, for the first time, together, so they learn their tolerances, SNAPSHOT, he holds her hair as she vomits, SNAPSHOT, he kisses her forehead and tucks her into bed, SNAPSHOT, she kissed HIM when they were thirteen.
SNAPSHOT. forty years, fifty years, sixty years. it’s not worth it if she can’t have her best friend there.
‘ guess we’ve got to stay together, then.
S N A P S H O T .
he smiles at her with too much teeth, eyes crinkled too far. it’s her absolute favorite.
au where two people are connected and if one gets hurt or touched the other feels it, though. ( inspired by x tbh. )
Terrible Pick-Up Lines Meme
"Do you know what would look good on you? Me."
"Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face."
"Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?"
"Hey, want to play house? I could be the door, and you could slam me all night long."
"How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?"
"I do floors, doors, windows, and you."
"I wish you were a screen door, so I can slam you all day long."
"If I flip a coin, what are the chances of me getting head?"
"Is that crotch sweat, or are you just happy to see me?"
"If I was a skateboard and you were a ramp, I would grind you all night."
"If I was your coworker, I'd sexually harass you."
"If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?"
"I’m tired. You’re tired. Let’s sleep together!"
"Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked."
"Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down."
"Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, 'Fuck it'."
"My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it."
"Remember my name. you'll be screaming it later."
"Roses are red, violets are blue. I like spaghetti, let's go screw."
"That dress looks very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you, I'd be coming, too."
"Wanna play some football? We can both be skins."
"What are you doing tonight? Besides me?"
"Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under."
"You are what you eat, and tonight I want to be you."
"You must be a cold shower, because I'd love to be inside of you."
"You must not have air conditioning because I'm your fan and you're turning me on."
"You remind me of my pink toe; you're small, you're cute, and I'm probably going to bang you on my coffee table later tonight."
"You wanna go skinny dipping in my water bed?"
I cannot put to words how much joy it brings me that my jace has been accepted with such open arms. Not only by the tmi fandom but by other fandoms as well. You have all been so kind to me & made me feel so welcome. I was so nervous about making a canon character but all of you have erased that unease & made me feel so comfortable. I am so happy that i decided to make this blog. I have had this blog for not even a month yet & im already past 200 followers, im just so amazed that all of you are here. Thank you so much all of you, so without further ado.
witheredbone | chosiin | crossbxws | bluntisms | vaniiidad | fiictus | mundaneisms | ordiinnary | runesanddeath | ravcnous | demonbred/ ghoulardii | pureviil | toocliched | dangerouslytris | derelictism | ab-aaeterno | canusincendia | stelliger | musoheki | sweateriiisms
keymastr | braveriie | astrumn | bloodtraiitor | bloodthirstygod | impetuuous | belikeboadicea | masochisticsadist | glorystarved | naivne | edhelernil | fearsobliviion | yukionii | nisetenshi | creatriix | otwilightprincess | redstarved | winkchain | withstrategy | frayedchild | ahrisms | tsugunaii | abrideoffire | tarniish | godiiicity | siinnerr | ghoulpatch | veilled | mammaterasu | falsequerade | galaxychord | daijitsu | mortiuum | caedxs | sola–cordis | poiised | xaziro | witherbelle | uaigh | cantatrix | lostindamnation | trionfale | edrord
icons for wildliing. under cut, because there’s 140, which makes this a super long post. warning warning!
i am playing around with??? yellows. for the first time in years.
' this is hungry work. '
hozier.
‘ we just had DINNER.
but she tosses the bad of HERSHEY’S DROPS over to him, relieved when he catches it in a way that doesn’t let any chocolates spill out. they’re slaving over an exam––––well, clary’s taking a BREAK, and she’s not sure if simon’s even started studying yet.
‘ put one after every couple of paragraphs as a reward for getting that far.
body bends until she’s hanging off the bed, reaching back for the bag. simon’s on the floor, back to her mattress, legs crossed and SURROUNDED by papers. clary pops a chocolate into her mouth before leaning to place a handful all over his current page. when she grins up at him, she’s close enough to smell the cookies’n’creme flavor on his mouth.
‘ THIS WAY, you get to actually do some work, AND satisfy your hunger. give it a try.
starter call?
"Everything is okay."
calming.
he’s got a NICE VOICE. the kind that makes him sound automatically friendly, as if clary’s known him for a while. in REALITY, he’s a stranger, someone KIND enough to console the WEIRD GIRL who was just screaming to herself in public. except it wasn’t to herself, it was at JACE, but––––naming him would only make people think she was REALLY insane.
maybe she was. but her mother was still missing. THAT was real.
sleeve gets swiped over the her eyes, and she lets out a laugh that sounds more PAINFUL than it does happy.
the very tip of her nose is red from all of the rubbing at her face.
‘ SORRY, it’s…fine. thank you.
what else was she supposed to SAY? he was the GOOD SAMARITAN willing to mollify the basket case on the sidewalk. but if only they could SEE what she did. if only they could see.
at this point, though, jace is gone. GREAT.
‘ i didn’t realize i was–––i’m okay, really.
calming starter sentences
"Its okay, I'm here."
"I'm not going to leave you."
"Everything is okay."
"I'm going to protect you."
"I believe in you."
"Hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that."
"You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now."
"You're not going to lose me."
"I love you."
"I'll stay right here, okay?"
"Just breathe."
"I'm okay, you're okay, we're okay."
"You're everything to me."
"I don't care what they think, to me, you are perfect."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"You don't have to be alone."
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER ASK MEME
"I need to assert my dominance as a man!"
"What is wrong with you? You have a mother!"
"In hypothetical terms, you scored last night."
"Do you like magic?"
"I'm like Yoda, except instead of being green and little, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro- I'm Broda."
"Are you acting out the last scene of Sleepless in Seattle with dolls?"
"I have you. I don't need to wait for it anymore."
"What would you expect? You've seen my penis."
"That makes me want to join a gym so I can get super strong and punch you really hard in the face."
"Oh my god, can you just be cool?"
"I don't love her, okay? I just miss her when she's not around, think about her all the time, and I imagine us running towards each other in slow motion and I'm wearing a brown suede vest. But I don't want to be her stupid boyfriend!"
"I can't just go say hi!"
"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story."
"We met at the urinal."
"I was a teenage popstar in Canada."
"I guess, starting tomorrow, we can tell people."
"One out of every eight adult women in America is a prostitute."
"Love is the best thing we do."
"Playing loser tag is awesome!"
"Ouchy in my mouth."
"I'm cuddly, bitch. Deal with it!"
"I don't care if you have an orgasm! If you care, you do it!"
"He can't be pregnant. You have to have sex to be pregnant."
"I think you were in love and you messed it up."
"Everyone's leaving me and I don't like it!"
"Last week, I went out with a girl whose favourite band was Glee."
"What are the chances that we're both serial killers?"
"When I let a day go without talking to you, that day's just no good."
"I'm always gonna love you. Til the end of my days, and beyond."
"Love doesn't make sense!"
"You make me happy. You make me happy all the time."
"Do you want them? I hate olives."
"Not awkward, guys. Not awkward if we don't let it be awkward."
"Good luck on your date, I hope she's everything you're looking for"
"Settling down is for losers and kids who never go out anymore."
"There is no one hotter than God."
"OK, here’s my thing – if gay guys start getting married, then suddenly the whole world’s gonna be doing it. That’s how it works. they start something, then six months later, everyone follows. Like… now everyone gets manicures."
"I keep waiting for something to happen."
"Look, you can’t design your life like a building. It doesn’t work that way. You just have to live it… and it’ll design itself."
"This font is often mistaken for Helvetica, but actually, it's Helvetica bold."
"I refuse to be a part of a third runaway bride situation."
"I'm really into you. I just can't be with you...right now."
"Whoever is right gets to slap the other person in the face as hard as they possibly can"
"I finally found the one. Her name is bacon."
"Why is no one coming to my happenings?"
"Ain't no thang but a chicken wang, mamacita!"
"If you keep acting this way, little by little, you're gonna lose me."
"The only people in the universe who haven't seen Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars."
"Chicago? Is that even a real place?"
"I'm sorry I don't have time for your drama right now. My fiance is missing."
"Just tell me. Do you love me?"
"Is there any way we could just go back to normal?"
"I only know of one truly platonic relationship."
"Do you want to keep playing or do you want to win?"
"Holding hands is like the fourth grade equivalent of banging."
"You hate women and women hate you."
"Why say goodbye to the good things?"
"You get older, you have kids, you stop stealing. It's sad."
"You have to let me dance my own battles!"
"New is always better!"
"If you have a crazy story, I was there. It's just the law of the universe."
"Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things."
"The future is scary but you can’t just run back to the past because it’s familiar. Yes it’s tempting but it’s a mistake. "
"You took my infant child to a strip club?"
"When you're in a new relationship and you're competing with your ex for who's happier, it can get ugly."
"I don't get lonely. I have five dogs."
"People make fun of the guy who stays home every night doing nothing, but the truth is, that guy is a genius."
"It's not cheating if it's on the phone, right?"
"Aren't you tired of waiting for destiny?"
do you take icon requests?
WELL!!!!!!!!!!! FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU FOR LIKING MY ICONS ENOUGH TO WANT SOME???? GOSH
if you ask me, off anon, and there are an ample amount of screencaps and things to work with, i could definitely work with you!