Presence
We had all these plans and I was excited. Even got a new paddle to try out. He warmed me up slowly with hand spanks first. I started to cry but that was normal- at least I thought. Somehow they must have sounded different to him.
“Are you ok, baby?” he asked, rubbing my warm bottom with his big hand.
“O, O yes- um-sure. I love it all,” I gulped, and slithered to my knees so he could tie my hands behind me.
“Alright, here comes the rope,” he said. I could feel it go around my wrists. Gentle but confining. At the first tug I burst into louder tears. Deep, racking sobs. Immediately he tossed the rope aside and pulled me into his arms.
“Baby, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” He held me to his chest as I sobbed and sobbed.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know why this is happening. I really wanted to do all this and we waited and I love your spanks and I’m sorry and it’s allsobadandIcan’thelpit…” My words were muffled against his chest as he rocked me to and fro, stroking my hair. “It’s ok, baby,” he kept saying, soothingly, and gradually I calmed down.
We sat there for a few minutes while he talked with me.
“Can we start again, please?” I asked. He shook his head.
“No, baby, spanks is not what you need tonight. No fucking either. You need something else.” With that he led me to the bathroom and began running a shower. I was a little frantic.
“But…you waited almost a week and I don’t want to disappoint you? I’m so sorry.” He took my face in his hands and kissed me.
“It’s not about that, baby. It’s about taking care of you. Now, get in the shower with me.” In there he took his time. Washing my hair, holding me, asking questions about work and school. After a bit it came spilling out- the overtime, my Dad was sick, I was worried about the midterm, couldn’t afford to go to my cousin’s wedding- small things that just built up over time. He listened and nodded through it all, even to drying my hair and putting jammies on me.
“You’ve just been dealing with too much, sweetie,” he said as we curled up under the sheets. “And it came barreling out all at once.”
“But usually spanks help that.” I was very confused.
“You’re right, they do. But not tonight. It’s ok. That’s my job to know that, to help you,” I looked at him with big eyes. “Now, I want you to roll over and just relax, feel me pet you.” Reluctantly I rolled to my side, still feeling guilty that we hadn’t played.
“I’m so sorry, Daddy,” I whispered into the air.
“There’s no sorry, baby girl. Just focus on my hand. Feel me touch you. Breathe.” I closed my eyes and tried to do as he said.
He stroked my hair away from my forehead so slowly, the best feeling. Then down to my neck and back up, again and again. Gently, tenderly. I could feel the stress melt away, the inner tears dissolve. His hands were light and warm, molding to my head, hovering over my ears. I could feel his solid chest behind me.
“Now say after me, very softly. Daddy loves me.”
Eyes still closed, I repeated in a whisper. “Daddy loves me.”
“Daddy will take care of me.”
“Daddy will take care of me.”
“That’s it, darling. Now just go to sleep. I have you.”
There’s a misnomer that aftercare is a “reward” for the sub after she has performed correctly, doing x y z in a scene. Although aftercare is definitely rewarding, it is not a carrot/stick type of situation. Life happens. People have feelings and emotions. Even if your sub isn’t in the mental space to do what you had originally planned, that is no reason to separate from her. In fact, that is more of a reason to be present and take care of her. Be a human being first, a Dom second.
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This actually brought tears to my eyes. This is so very important!
Personally I am a sub with a ton of anxiety. Generally a scene with Daddy gets rid of it for a good long while, but sometimes it doesn’t.
Fortunately for me, @fbpdaddy knows me better than I know myself. He knows when it’s time to just hold me close and tell me he’s got me, and everything is okay...and I know deep inside that he will always take care of me.
It’s the hierarchy working as it should. Subs needs, Dom needs, Dom wants, sub wants.
